Jokes famous quotes
Last updated: Sep 5, 2024
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One of my secrets is to joke all the time.
-- Achille Castiglioni -
My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.
-- Adam Brody -
There's nothing the people love more than a Federal Reserve joke.
-- Adam McKay -
It ain't no joke when you lose your vinyl.
-- Afrika Bambaataa -
There is nothing in the world so incomprehensible as the joke we do not see.
-- Agnes Repplier -
For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them weren't appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
-- Al Franken -
The joke that you laid in the bed that was me.
-- Alanis Morissette -
Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount of time to tell a joke.
-- Alex Winter -
My friends always joke that I run on batteries.
-- Alexander Wang -
WHEN YOU CANNOT JOKE ABOUT THE DARKNESS OF LIFE, THAT’S WHEN THE DARKNESS TAKES OVER.
-- Amanda Palmer -
I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.
-- Amy Schumer -
I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.
-- Artie Lange -
What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up.
-- Aziz Ansari -
Is everything a joke to you?†I asked. He dabbed his tongue to his lip again. “Not everything.†“Like what?†“You.
-- Becca Fitzpatrick -
You never know when you'll have a bad idea for a worse joke.
-- Benjamin Walker -
There is a joke that your hammer will always find nails to hit. I find that perfectly acceptable
-- Benoit Mandelbrot -
Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke.
-- Berkeley Breathed -
Any private security is a joke in a country where youre up against your own government.
-- Bidzina Ivanishvili -
My favourite things are jokes, friendliness and feeling comfortable.
-- Billy Childish -
When you asked me how I was doing, was that some kind of joke
-- Bob Dylan -
We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt.
-- Bobby Farrelly -
I joke around all the time, 'I'm Asian; I'm really good at math.'
-- Brenda Song -
I'm really bad with jokes. I would have to say Limp Bizkit.
-- Brian Molko -
I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes.
-- Bruce Forsyth -
I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.
-- Carol Burnett -
Really, I'm pretty laid-back, always cracking jokes.
-- Chace Crawford -
Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes.
-- Charles Bukowski -
I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.
-- Chelsea Handler -
Anything where we're the butt of the joke, no one tells us about it.
-- Chris Martin -
The joke is, we all have the same punchline.
-- Chuck Palahniuk -
You do not respond to an attempt on your life with a slap on the hand. Or a joke.
-- Cinda Williams Chima -
My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies.
-- Clive Cussler -
It all started with a badly timed bald joke!
-- Colin Mochrie -
... nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.
-- Curtis Sittenfeld -
I have been sober for the longest time. Oh, it's over a decade now. No joke.
-- Dana Plato -
Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
-- Dane Cook -
I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.
-- Dave Attell -
After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.
-- Dave Chappelle -
I want my tombstone to read: If this is a joke, I don't get it.
-- David Brenner -
I've never really told jokes. I'm not good at it.
-- David E. Kelley -
Sometimes in the studio movies I've been working in, you'll put a joke in a movie because the crowd loves it - not because I love it.
-- David Gordon Green -
Tell me that I misunderstood a joke, but don't tell me that my choice of cravat is wrong.
-- David Niven -
One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes.
-- Desi Arnaz -
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
-- Don Rickles -
I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.
-- Don Rickles -
Have you considered the option of getting the joke? If not, try it now and redeem your soul.
-- Erik Naggum -
I'm not a joke guy; I'm not a stand-up comic.
-- Eugene Levy -
So get up, get, get get down 911 is a joke in yo town
-- Flavor Flav -
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
-- Frank Carson -
Directing a movie is serious, it's not a joke.
-- Fred Durst -
He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish.
-- Georg Brandes -
... the majority of us scarcely see more distinctly the faultiness of our own conduct than the faultiness of our own arguments, orthe dulness [sic] of our own jokes.
-- George Eliot -
Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
-- George Mikes -
I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.
-- Glen Campbell -
It is not a sin to be seventy but it is also no joke.
-- Golda Meir -
The insular arrogance of the English character is a commonplace joke.
-- Goldwin Smith -
I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.
-- Harold Ramis -
I'm a fun person. I like cracking jokes and being completely nerdy.
-- Helena Christensen -
It is almost a joke, but a joke that nobody tells.
-- Hilary Mantel -
To me, music is no joke and it's not for sale.
-- Ian MacKaye -
The future of this nation, with the present generation, You must admit is nothing but a joke
-- Ira Gershwin -
Death's an old joke, but each individual encounters it anew.
-- Ivan Turgenev -
As though all the world were a bad joke and she was the only one around who knew the punchline.
-- Jack Ketchum -
You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out
-- Jack Youngblood -
Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke....
-- Jacob M. Appel -
Jokes are very curious things psychologically.
-- James Callis -
Granting our wish is one of Fate's saddest jokes.
-- James Russell Lowell -
I've been burn when it comes to my hair that it ain't no joke.
-- Jenifer Lewis -
Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.
-- Jim Fowler -
A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
-- Jimmy Carr -
There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.
-- Jimmy Carr -
I don't mind being the brunt of a joke, so long as it's a good one.
-- Joey McIntyre -
Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.
-- John Lasseter -
You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
-- John Oliver -
If we live inside a bad joke, it is up to us to learn, at best and worst, to tell it well.
-- Jonathan Raban -
Round-heads and Wooden-shoes are standing jokes.
-- Joseph Addison -
The moment you think of a joke is the best moment.
-- Judd Apatow -
I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this.
-- Julia Sweeney -
The next best thing to a very good joke is a very bad one.
-- Julius Charles Hare -
Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!
-- Kathy Lette -
Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same.
-- L. Ron Hubbard -
Humor is when the joke's on you but hits the other fellow first -- before it boomerangs.
-- Langston Hughes
