Jen Kirkman famous quotes

I finally understand that it’s okay to be a little afraid of things but that obsessing over them does not mean you have any more control over what you fear.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Mean #Doe #Littles

Admittedly, the masturbation story is just a "Hey, this is one of my best-of's, I'll throw it in the special." But the grandmother stuff, really, I feel like is part of the theme and part of the best way to end the story that I'm telling with the special.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Grandmother #Special #Stories

I realized that even I have weird intimacy issues with humans - like, I need my friendships to get deeper, I need to be locked in, I need to remember people's names. I know this sounds really stupid, but I just need to be more present in my life.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Stupid #Names #Issues

Not that that's my goal, but when you're very wealthy and very famous, you can have a lot more decisions in what you do. You have a lot more opportunity. You can maybe even not work for a few years. It puts you in a great position to make some decisions. You're not always taking every job that comes and that kind of thing.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Jobs #Opportunity #Years

I find it actually the height of romance to legally bind yourself to someone because you're really taking care of someone, and letting them take care of you. I actually have no cynicism about that.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Romance #Care #Height

I don't have any jokes about my divorce or my ex-husband, who is a lovely person. It really is about how I was an idiot trying to push this guy to get married when I wasn't even sure if I wanted to.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Husband #Divorce #Guy

I used to make albums because I wasn't touring, and so I thought, "This is the best way for people to find out about me.
-- Jen Kirkman

#People #Albums #Way

People said to me, "You know, when you record a special, you're going to regret it. The one thing you'll regret because you're a comic is you'll think of better tags."
-- Jen Kirkman

#Regret #Thinking #People

What I found out about myself was I am not someone who doesn't believe in marriage.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Believe #Found

I don't like to joke about dating.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Dating #Jokes

I realized I need a certain kind of chemistry and a certain kind of look to be into someone, and like 1 percent of the population has it.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Population #Needs #Looks

A lot of times that I'm single is not for a lack of anyone being interested; it's me.
-- Jen Kirkman

My joke is a picture of David Bowie on his balcony in the '70s in a suit in Paris, and unless that's you, I'm not interested. There are very few aesthetic types that I have, and people who look like that are not always necessarily good for me.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Paris #People #Looks

It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Kids #Easier #Having Kids

I thought that's what happened to women: You live alone when you're old.
-- Jen Kirkman

My nana was always a widow as long as I was alive; my grandfather died before I was born. All the women on my street - there were four houses in a row with all old women who lived alone who were widowed. They all had kids, but they were all widowed. My mom didn't put me in preschool; I didn't know that was a thing. I just hung out with these women all day.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Mom #Kids #Long

I am just really focused in on what I love doing, but I would be a moron to not take some of my natural talent - I'm not saying I'm that talented, but I have enough acting and writing talent to go.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Writing #Acting #Would Be

I think people with anxiety do different things during different years.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Thinking #Years #People

Whatever my life looks like, I want it to be real and big and full. I want when, if I get hit by a car, I want to know that I have deep and real friendships, people to visit me in the hospital.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Real #People #Car

I have some pretty wonderful friendships, so that's been really good for me. In the past year, I've really worked on that. I think when I was married, I let my friendships go. I think people thought, "Oh, because she's married now, she's so happy all the time." But I really was just isolated in my house.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Past #Thinking #Years

I don't know if I don't believe in monogamy. I think I do believe in it depending on the person or situation or something.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Believe #Thinking #Monogamy

I am never home, and it's hard to keep up with things that are good for you to have in life like relationships, whether they be romantic or friendship. I have to work twice as hard to make sure I don't just check out. That's what I mean by vulnerability.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Home #Mean #Checks

I have no interest in saying "This is who I am! This is what I'm like!"
-- Jen Kirkman

#Who I Am #Interest

The whole notion that I don't appeal to the demographic - all my fans are young men. Someone asked me the other day, "So are your shows just full of 40-year-old single women?" I'm like, "I would be rich if that were true."
-- Jen Kirkman

#Men #Years #Fans

I really will never understand pushing back on comedians who are like, "I'm like a politician campaigning and shaking hands with these people. They're going to be okay."
-- Jen Kirkman

#Hands #People #Comedian

I'm tired of explaining to Hollywood that people would laugh at me, because I go around America making them laugh every week. Nobody would be offended, nobody would think my leather pants are too controversial.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Tired #Thinking #America

I'm really ambitious about is being a really good comic and doing it for the rest of my life and getting really big. Not really famous because I want fame or attention, just a little freedom. So, that's where I'm ambitious.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Ambitious #Attention #Want

My brain does like the idea of hosting a late-night show. My brain does like the idea of maybe having a show about me. So, I often pitch ideas and work on scripts and do that just because I may not be right about how I feel, so why not just do this, and if it happens and I got my own show, well maybe I would really end up falling in love with it.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Falling In Love #Night #Ideas

If, for some reason, everyone knew who I was without me having to have my own TV show, that's what I would do. That way, I could do less shows a year.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Years #Tv Shows #Way

If I could make crazy money just doing stand-up, that's what I would do.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Crazy

I wonder if that's the difference between fathers and mothers. I'm friends with people who have kids that are like 5 and under, and they're still in that intense mother-bonding phase. It might just be that. Because the dads haven't changed.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Mother #Dad #Father

Actually, my friendships are changing because my friends have kids, so that's a new aspect to the material. Not just that I don't want to have kids, it's that I'm having a hard time relating to people I know.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Kids #Hard Times #People

I think that, for me, my favorite thing to do is perform standup onstage. Everything else I do is for the exposure to do more stand-up onstage, and for the money, and for the health insurance.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Thinking #Favorites Things #My Favorite

At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there's all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy family.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Clubs #Firsts #Comedy

Its almost Thanksgiving! A day when you get to hear your extended family use racial slurs for groups are not taking away their jobs.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Jobs #Groups #Use

I had no idea that marriage was only supposed to be between two people who wanted to get between the sheets and make more people. What ever happened to marrying for love— or to get on your partner’s health insurance policy, or for presents? No one was going to buy two people in their thirties a four-slice toaster if we just continued to live in sin.
-- Jen Kirkman

#Ideas #Two #People