Jeff Dunham famous quotes

I was not one of the popular kids, I was not great at sports, girls didn't pay attention to me.I was just pretty much an average kid, no stand-out abilities, nothing note-worthy.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Girl #Sports #Kids

The kids who come backstage that have cancer or whatever, make them laugh and smile for a little while, what's the problem with that? There isn't any.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Cancer #Kids #Laughing

A lot of my best stuff is just ad libs on stage and that's one thing that I've gotten back to at the live show.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Stuff #Stage #Shows

There's no real formula for doing it, it's either just living life and writing down a joke you think of in the middle of the day and then pieces those together later.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Real #Live Life #Writing

The roadwork is just rehearsal for that DVD you're going to film a year later.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Dvds #Years #Rehearsal

You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Long #Fifteen #Lasts

I always try and do everything I can to the best of my abilities, single aspect has to be perfect.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Perfect #Trying #Aspect

I don't think I am very easy to work for because everything has to be just right or we don't put it out. But at the same time, all the people that work for me have a "no asshole" rule, if you're a jerk you're fired, so it's a great team and a lot of skillful people at the top of the game, anybody from management to the agents to the publicists to the day-to-day website stuff and it's just a great team.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Team #Thinking #Games

Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday, I was there for every major event.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Girl #Events #Littles

I am no kind of philanthropist or humanitarian, but it is really nice to get those emails from all over the world of people who said, I had nothing to laugh at or my son was really sick or my husband is really sick and we put on your DVDs and we laughed, thanks for making the real world go away for a little while.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Husband #Real #Nice

If people are still buying tickets, and still buying the DVDs, and they're still watching on YouTube and my fifteen minutes of fame isn't finished yet, then I'll just keep doing it.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Dvds #People #Fifteen

I love touring, I love doing the live show and it's just like a musical artist, you just keep coming up with material and as long as you're coming up with the material and as long as audiences like it, you just keep doing it, it's your job.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Jobs #Artist #Long

Even going to college, getting my degree in Radio TV and Film, as I was approaching the time when you have to decide on a major, I kept trying to figure out what would be the best major to enhance what I am doing as a performer.
-- Jeff Dunham

#College #Trying #Degrees

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor of Arts in Communications and it made sense.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Art #Communication #Math

On weekends when everybody would go to the football games, I would be getting on a plane or driving my car across the state or across the country to go do a show somewhere and yeah so, I never thought of doing anything else.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Football #Country #Weekend

Most people when they have autobiographies, they're not autobiographies, they're biographies written by a ghost writer.
-- Jeff Dunham

#People #Biographies #Ghost

[In my bio] is no drunk driving, there's no DUI's, there's no possession of cocaine, none of that stuff so you know, I don't know if that's good or bad. Everybody loves dirty laundry.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Dirty #Drunk #Dui

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'
-- Jeff Dunham

#Answers #Suitcases #Osama Bin Laden

I don't aim it at anybody specific, I don't aim my characters to make old people laugh or young people or professionals or blue collar, just whatever I think is going to be funny and it just so happens that.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Character #Thinking #Blue

Everybody has their favorite character.That's the only way I pick, whatever is going on in society, whatever I think folks will laugh at that's what I come up with.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Character #Thinking #Laughing

I've tried the female thing. I was in a movie called Dinner for Schmucks a couple of years ago with Steve Carell and I created a female character for that movie. And after a few months of trying her out on the road it just didn't work. I mean, I can think like a terrorist, I can think like a white trash guy, I can even try and think like an African American, but I can't figure out how a woman.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Couple #Character #Mean

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Comedian #Filters #Needs

Stand-up comedy is tough right now. Anybody can come to a concert, tape you, and put you up on the Internet. You either fight it or embrace it.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Fighting #Tape #Comedy

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can learn ventriloquism.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Simple #Voice #Normal

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Guy #Seven #Said

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Dark #Laughing #Humans

In 1980, when I graduated from high school, my goal was to be on 'The Tonight Show' with Johnny Carson at least once before our ten-year class reunion. Our class reunion was in June of 1990, and I was on 'The Tonight Show' in April 1990, so I made it by a few months.
-- Jeff Dunham

#School #June #Years

My mother and my father have always supported me. Now in their eighties, they actually clamor onto the tour bus with me once or twice a year so they can watch the performances and hear the crowds. Traveling with eighty-something-year-olds on a tour bus... there has to be some sort of reality show in that.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Mother #Father #Reality

The best place to find material is in real life. I've always maintained that it's not until the mid-20s that you have enough of a life to draw from. There's nothing better for a comic than to go through some bad stuff - and some good stuff, like getting married.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Real #Stuff #Married

The only way a ventriloquist speaks differently is that he forgoes using his or her lips, and learns to reproduce sounds using the tongue, upper palate, and teeth only. Those 'difficult' letters are B, F, M, P, V, W, and Y.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Sound #Teeth #Letters

Up until college age I was using the typical little-boy dummy that sits on the knee and makes woodpecker jokes. My first original character didn't happen until later, and that was Jose the Jalapeno on a Stick.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Character #Boys #College

We just got a tour bus. I didn't know tour buses could be this nice. It's just me, Brian Haner the guitar guy, the tour manager and a writer. We laugh ourselves silly. Apparently we're going to have a road dog, a miniature pincher. It's the smallest they've ever seen. How masculine am I going to look, working with dolls and a miniature dog?
-- Jeff Dunham

#Dog #Nice #Silly

I had a happy, dramafree youth, growing up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood in Dallas, Texas. The only thing that was slightly unusual compared to most of my friends was that I was an only child... I don't think that's why my parents gave me a dummy, at least they've never copped to it.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Children #Growing Up #Thinking

Growing up doing those Kiwanis Clubs, doing those Cub Scout banquets, doing those church shows, I learned to find that sensibility that most people could laugh at - that all ages and demographics could laugh at.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Growing Up #People #Laughing

I'm a geek to the bone.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Geek #Bones

I try to make the majority of my audience laugh. That's my audience. They'll laugh at the dead terrorist.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Laughing #Trying #Majority

I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, addicts, the elderly, and my wife. As a standup comic, it is my job to make sure the majority of people laugh, and I believe that comedy is the last true form of free speech.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Christian #Jobs #Believe

When I was eight years old, I got a dummy for Christmas and started teaching myself. I got books and records and sat in front of the bathroom mirror, practising. I did my first show in the third grade and just kept going; there was no reason to quit.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Christmas #Book #Teaching

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.
-- Jeff Dunham

#Used #Prius

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
-- Jeff Dunham

#Color #Doe #Smurf

When I was in third grade I taught myself ventriloquism... What's hard is to learn to be an entertainer and make people laugh. I was a few years out of college before I felt I had enough material. Then in 1988 I moved to L.A. and started to do some shows at comedy clubs.
-- Jeff Dunham

#College #Years #People