Brian Regan famous quotes

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.
-- Brian Regan

#Fun #Book #Phones

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.
-- Brian Regan

#Laughing #Tragedy #Comedy

The big yellow one is the sun!
-- Brian Regan

#Yellow #Sun #Bigs

Be adaptable, flexible and never stop learning. The rate of change will never stop and neither should you.
-- Brian Regan

#Should #Rate Of Change #Rate

Do not stand directly in front of a cannon...how true that is.
-- Brian Regan

#Cannons

I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and they use humor to help them through it. I think it's a great remedy for many things.
-- Brian Regan

#Thinking #People #Use

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.
-- Brian Regan

#Sports #Team #Goal

I just tend to think about everyday things for my onstage act. Actually you know what I like to talk about just the absolute most - the more mundane the subject matter, the more interesting it is to me.
-- Brian Regan

#Thinking #Interesting #Everyday

I don't take jokes from other people. It's really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It's not cool to steal anything from anybody. Jokes are no different.
-- Brian Regan

#People #Different #Stealing

Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use the spoon. I like to consider myself the big bowl-like area of the spoon that holds all the stuff you like.
-- Brian Regan

#Cutting #Knives #Comedian

I don't always see humor in things. Especially when I smash my pinky toe into a coffee table leg in the middle of the night. But sometimes I'll see things, or experience things, that make me go, "Huh, maybe that's a bit."
-- Brian Regan

#Coffee #Night #Legs

Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks about donut sprinkles, it's not quite as important. Unless the U.S. Supreme Court makes a decision outlawing donut sprinkles.
-- Brian Regan

#Decision #Important #Doe

I like to go on stage with a variety, with some stuff that's been around for a handful of years, some stuff from the last year, some stuff is from last week, and some stuff is brand spanking new. Those are the moments that excite me - when I'm coming up to a brand new bit. The more virgin the snow, the more fun it is to run on.
-- Brian Regan

#Running #Fun #Years

It's hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up with something bizarre to make something funny.
-- Brian Regan

#Brain #Needs #Computer

I'm honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I'm on stage I'm not just trying to make the comedians laugh - I'm also trying to make the audience laugh. I want to make everybody laugh.
-- Brian Regan

#Mean #Laughing #Comedian

I wanted to do the comic strip. I tried to get it syndicated, and I sent some examples to a syndication company, and they sent me a rejection letter! I wasn't smart enough at the time to realize you shouldn't let rejection letters stop you. I thought that rejection letter meant I was not allowed to be a cartoonist in this world, so I put the rejection letter down and said, well, I'll be a stand-up comedian.
-- Brian Regan

#Smart #Rejection #Comedian

I'm always excited about my upcoming shows. I love what I do; I feel very lucky to be able to do what I do, and I never get tired of it. Every time I'm backstage before a show and I feel the murmur of the crowd, it's just incredibly exciting. And I consider myself very fortunate to be able to do this for a job. It's a great life.
-- Brian Regan

#Jobs #Tired #Lucky

A lot of the kind of comedy that I do comes out of real human moments. For them to work, they have to be truthful kinds of things that people in the audience can go, "Yes, I've experienced that myself!"
-- Brian Regan

#Real #People #Comedy

You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage usually, but offstage sometimes I might.
-- Brian Regan

#Fun #Might #Way

Superhero power... I probably would just want to fly. I definitely would not want to be able to see through walls. I think walls are there for a reason. People put them up for a reason. You don't want to be looking through them. That would only cause nothing but misery and angst to know what's happening behind people's walls.
-- Brian Regan

#Wall #Thinking #People

Don't let dialog about your company happen without your perspective.
-- Brian Regan

#Perspective #Company

Just make sure you're staying true to yourself, and do what you think is good in that craft or field [of yours] and then let everything else fall where it falls.
-- Brian Regan

#Fall #Thinking #Crafts

The ultimate objective [of comedy] is to get a laugh, so if you can get a laugh off the fact that you did not get a laugh, then you've kinda saved the moment. Other professions don't have that luxury. You don't want to hear a brain surgeon say, "Man, am I so stupid! I cut on the wrong side of your head!!"
-- Brian Regan

#Stupid #Cutting #Men

I try to be careful and put things in perspective. There are people who have challenging lives and work hard physically and mentally. I consider myself a lucky person because I get to go on stage and tell jokes for an hour. If I miss a connection here and there or my room isn't ready now and then? It's not a big deal.
-- Brian Regan

#Hard Work #Perspective #People

I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like to laugh during difficult circumstances.
-- Brian Regan

#People #Laughing #Perspective

Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a different animal. People are being served nachos and there's a blender going off in the background.
-- Brian Regan

#Animal #People #Focus

Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?'
-- Brian Regan

#People #Why Not #Corn

I hate the phrase “One thing led to another”. What kind of lazy writing is that? Isn't it your job as a writer to tell me how that made this happen? “Adolf Hitler was rejected as a young man in his application to an art school. One thing led to anotherand the United States ended up dropping two atomic bombs on the sovereign nation of Japan”.
-- Brian Regan

#Art #Jobs #Hate

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.
-- Brian Regan

#Book #Community #Decision

I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve!
-- Brian Regan

#Newton #Figs #Sleeves

You see weird things driving... I've never understood log trucks. Sometimes you'll be out on the highway, you see two big giant trucks loaded up with logs, and they pass each other on the highway... I don't understand that. I mean, if they need logs over there... and they need 'em over there, you'd think a phone call would save 'em a whole lot of trouble.
-- Brian Regan

#Mean #Thinking #Phones

I could go for a sandwich, but I’m not gonna open two jars.
-- Brian Regan

#Two #Sandwiches #Jars

Hooked on Phonics worked for me
-- Brian Regan

Mmmm! Lunch and no clean up!! Can life get better? I submit that it CANNOT!!
-- Brian Regan

#Lunch #Get Better #Life Gets Better

I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise in there, make it 50/50. Cran-apple. Grapes? Cran-grape. Mangos? Cran-mango. Pork chops? Cran-chop!
-- Brian Regan

#Apples #Pork #Juice

You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. And who knows how many knives!
-- Brian Regan

#Knives #Two #Sandwiches

I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I was an idiot, but nobody else knew.
-- Brian Regan

#Growing Up #Bees #Idiot

It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well.
-- Brian Regan

#Stupid #Work Out #Trying

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?
-- Brian Regan

#Stupid #Smart #Science