Bill Burr famous quotes

You're a kid, your whole life is awesome. It's awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren't scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult. All your IDs, all your credit cards - just run out of the house with no phone, turn the corner where you can't see your house, and not have a full on panic attack.
-- Bill Burr

#Running #Kids #Phones

I think the fear of humiliating yourself on stage always motivates me to give at least 90 percent. I've definitely been guilty of leaning on the mic stand, but you can only do that so long before you're like, "Jesus, I'm bombing." The fact that people pay to come see me, that's really just out the window.
-- Bill Burr

#Jesus #Thinking #Long

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?
-- Bill Burr

#Mad #Church

The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I'm in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can't seem to come up with anything new that's funny. That's a tough place to be as a comedian.
-- Bill Burr

#Writing #People #Sick

There is NO reason to hit a woman!
-- Bill Burr

#Reason

I love making movies, and being in any that I can be in. I'd like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don't have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I'm shooting for the middle.
-- Bill Burr

#Responsibility #Giants #Three

Deny your emotions and act like you have answers
-- Bill Burr

#Answers #Emotion #Like You

I've found is that by doing stand-up, I've actually learned how to combat depression. I don't have clinical, but I've definitely had my bouts with it. I just figured out that it's a choice. You're in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke - or if you're on the road, go to a ball game... something that's going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
-- Bill Burr

#Writing #Blood #Games

I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously. I'm good flying up to four hours, but anything past that, I want to kill myself.
-- Bill Burr

#Past #Flying #Four

I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what's bugging me.
-- Bill Burr

#Crazy #Night #Want

Once you do a joke and it works it's only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.
-- Bill Burr

#Long #Shooting #Barrels

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.
-- Bill Burr

#Trying #Lines #Way

People make a big deal about podcasts but it's basically an online radio show with the sound effects and sidekicks, but because you can curse it's more like satellite radio. Most of the podcasters were morning guys who were fired when Clear Channel decimated the radio landscape.
-- Bill Burr

#Morning #People #Guy

Acting in a sitcom or a comedy movie is like a comedy routine with the setups.
-- Bill Burr

#Acting #Routine #Comedy

I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
-- Bill Burr

#Wife #Saint #Easy

I think it's a privilege to be able to fly to somewhere where people want to see my show.
-- Bill Burr

#Thinking #People #Want

It's a great time to be a comedian because you've got so much more control. You can say what you want to. I think in the old days with the studio system the performer was a bit of an afterthought. You can be a wildcard on the internet. But if you put something on the internet once it's out there it's out there for life.
-- Bill Burr

#Thinking #Comedian #Want

A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they're really small.
-- Bill Burr

#Boys #Years #Anxiety

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy - if they start to like you, they'll get a project going and call you in.
-- Bill Burr

#Thinking #People #Fans

I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good.
-- Bill Burr

#Monday #Jobs #People

I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don't know where it's going.
-- Bill Burr

#School #People #Giving

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
-- Bill Burr

#Believe #People #Comedian

I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it's that same fear.
-- Bill Burr

#People #Clubs #Gigs

Comedians have the ability to feel other emotions.
-- Bill Burr

#Comedian #Emotion #Ability

If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you're from and some of the thought processes. Like when I finally got away from the east coast for a while, and I came back there was just this underlying anger that I never noticed before, because I was born there and just dropped right into it.
-- Bill Burr

#Country #East #Chance

I just do my act. If people in England don't get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
-- Bill Burr

#Fun #People #England

I'm trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I've done enough of that in my career.
-- Bill Burr

#Thinking #Careers #Trying

My favorite part of podcasting is running my mouth for an hour. The only time I dont like it is when Im off. Then that hour feels like a day and a half.
-- Bill Burr

#Running #Half #Mouths

I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
-- Bill Burr

#Mom #Dad #Jealous

I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people.
-- Bill Burr

#People #Sadistic #Empathetic

I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
-- Bill Burr

#Nyc #Tuesday #Crowds

Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!
-- Bill Burr

#Men #Wife #Gold

You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.
-- Bill Burr

#Ideas #Years #Long

I am so pro-swine flu it's ridiculous.
-- Bill Burr

#Flu #Ridiculous #Swine

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.
-- Bill Burr

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.
-- Bill Burr

#Running #Childhood #Twenties

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.
-- Bill Burr

#Funny #Littles #Little Things

I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
-- Bill Burr

#Dog #Hate #Issues

I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.
-- Bill Burr

#Kids #Thinking #Play

You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.
-- Bill Burr

#Smart #Thinking #Office

What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?
-- Bill Burr

#Funny #Years #Looks

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.
-- Bill Burr

#Funny #Yelling #Talking

There's no "brothers" when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio - I don't know that guy.
-- Bill Burr

#Funny #Brother #Ohio

Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.
-- Bill Burr

#Dave #Shows