Jim Jefferies famous quotes

03-21-2025

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?
-- Jim Jefferies

#Funny #Children #Thinking
No matter how successful I got, my mother still thinks I'm a bad person, basically.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Mother #Successful #Thinking
The thing about crazy people; they don't know they are crazy, that's what make them crazy.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Crazy #People #Crazy People
Because of the way I've made my money or the way I've conducted myself in public to get success, it doesn't make me any better a person. So I always thought money and achievement would make me a more legitimate person, where my family seems to think it's all about actions.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Thinking #Achievement #Way
Here's the thing about people who believe in god... They're idiots.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Believe #People #Religion
I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment, and have a sweet song playing over the background when it happens.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Song #Sweet #Character
Can't punch women in the face!
-- Jim Jefferies

#Faces
I always get a little bit pissed off when stand-up comedy is not recognised as being as good a craft as being an actor. We give Oscars to people and it's like, 'Aw, this person is the greatest person on earth', but being an actor is pretty easy in comparison to stand-up comedy. It's no surprise that several stand-up comics have gone on to become great actors. I don't know any great actors that have gone on to become great stand-up comics.
-- Jim Jefferies

#People #Giving #Pissed Off
We have a drinking game in Australia, it's called drinking.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Drinking #Games #Australia
I always wanted to be a comedian. I loved comedy since I was a little kid, and while I was at university I started doing stand up shows. Once I realized that I was good at it I quit college and left although I had six months left. I went to England. I could have done the last six months but I realized that I was better at standup comedy than I was at singing opera.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Kids #College #Comedian
God built the world, but he did not know it was round.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Religion #World
I don't want people to leave the show being upset. So if I am trying to do a new joke, and sometimes I will talk about things like gun control or hostile massacre and I notice people being upset I will change the direction.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Gun #People #Upset
Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Christian #Believe #Kids
I want to make people think, and I don't want to come across like I am egotistical or that I want to change people's thoughts. I don't believe that as a comic I can convert anyone's opinion. I think I can maybe make someone look in one direction or the other but I can't make a religious person stop believing in God.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Religious #Believe #Thinking
Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Smart #Drinking #Kids
Myself and Jamie Moffat did not agree on everything but he always knew I had the experience.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Jamie #Agree
If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.
-- Jim Jefferies

#Hate #Gay #Religion

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