Bill Hicks famous quotes

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
-- Bill Hicks

#Religious #Jesus #Thinking

If you want to understand a society, take a good look at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Well, look at the drugs we use. Except for pharmaceutical poison, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.
-- Bill Hicks

#Friday #Monday #Stupid

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
-- Bill Hicks

#Funny #Jobs #Children

If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.
-- Bill Hicks

#Thinking #Cds #Political

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
-- Bill Hicks

#Believe #Drug #Growing

Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
-- Bill Hicks

#Ideas #Next #Revolution

It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
-- Bill Hicks

#War #Drug #Personal Freedom

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
-- Bill Hicks

#Believe #Humanity #I Believe

While I've found many of the religious shows I've viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I've never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet - turning off the TV completely.
-- Bill Hicks

#Religious #Years #Freedom Of Speech

Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.
-- Bill Hicks

#Yesterday #Dustbin

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
-- Bill Hicks

#Want #Docile #Apathetic

Nonsmokers--this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.
-- Bill Hicks

#Sleep #Ready

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.
-- Bill Hicks

#War #Winning #People

All governments are lying cocksuckers.
-- Bill Hicks

#Lying #Government

This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.
-- Bill Hicks

#Lying #Heart #Reality

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed it
-- Bill Hicks

#Real #Believe #Eye

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.
-- Bill Hicks

#Funny #Dream #Witty

Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
-- Bill Hicks

#Jail #People #Sick

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
-- Bill Hicks

#Inspirational #Funny #Eye

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
-- Bill Hicks

#Funny #Life #Pay

You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defense every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world,which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, not one, we could, as one race, explore outer space together in peace forever
-- Bill Hicks

#Race #Years #Space

I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.
-- Bill Hicks

#Sleep #Night #Eight

To me, Texas is Austin, a bunch of cool people trying to make a difference.
-- Bill Hicks

#Texas #Differences #People

Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?
-- Bill Hicks

#Law #Pot #Profit

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
-- Bill Hicks

#Light #People #Laughing

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
-- Bill Hicks

#Soul #Potholes

Don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.
-- Bill Hicks

#Tattoo #Worry

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.
-- Bill Hicks

#Sex #Priests

Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.
-- Bill Hicks

#Reality #Perception #Might

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
-- Bill Hicks

#Mean #Cynical #Sound

Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god's infinite love.
-- Bill Hicks

#Atheist #Suffering #Atheism

You are the imagination of yourself.
-- Bill Hicks

#Imagination

not all drugs are good.. some of them are great
-- Bill Hicks

#Drug

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
-- Bill Hicks

#Funny #Hurt #Comedian

People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
-- Bill Hicks

#Children #Believe #People

I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious...
-- Bill Hicks

#Ego #Trying #World

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When?
-- Bill Hicks

#Funny #Dad #Kids

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
-- Bill Hicks

#Block #Pro Life #Locks

I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
-- Bill Hicks

#Funny #Average #Drug

Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.
-- Bill Hicks

#Stupid #Government #America

The eyes of love see all of us as one.
-- Bill Hicks

#Eye

I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
-- Bill Hicks

#Holocaust #Watches #Nuclear

How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand...considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
-- Bill Hicks

#Religion #Atheism #Would Be

Why is ***** against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?
-- Bill Hicks

#Funny #Marijuana #Ideas

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
-- Bill Hicks

#Drug #Use #Denial

Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.
-- Bill Hicks

#Funny #Dream #Imagination

I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we're all one?
-- Bill Hicks

#Country #Law #Mushrooms

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
-- Bill Hicks

#Creativity #Creative #Evolution

I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
-- Bill Hicks

#White #House #President

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
-- Bill Hicks

#Funny #Comedy

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.
-- Bill Hicks

#Happiness #Laughter #Joy

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.
-- Bill Hicks

#Bullying #Creative #Outsiders