Chris Rock famous quotes

There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.
-- Chris Rock

#Two #People #Wages

It's easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever.
-- Chris Rock

#Forever #Easier #Shows

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.
-- Chris Rock

#White #Black #Progress

One of my daughters told me the other day, "Kevin Hart is funnier than you, Daddy." I told her, "Does Kevin Hart make you pancakes?"
-- Chris Rock

#Daughter #Daddy #Doe

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.
-- Chris Rock

#Children #White #America

If you told me two years I would miss the greatest basketball game ever to hang out with Nathan Lane, I'd say, 'You're crazy!'
-- Chris Rock

#Basketball #Crazy #Years

If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets,
-- Chris Rock

#People #Would Be #Rich

Unlike flying or astral projection, walking through walls is an earthbound pursuit...
-- Chris Rock

#Wall #Flying #Pursuit

So, to say Obama is progress is saying that he’s the first black person that is qualified to be president. That’s not black progress. That’s white progress. There’s been black people qualified to be president for hundreds of years. The question is, you know, my kids are smart, educated, beautiful, polite children. There have been smart, educated, beautiful, polite black children for hundreds of years. The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.
-- Chris Rock

#Beautiful #Children #Smart

The thing that surprised me the most is just how much money women that weren't rich were paying for their hair. When you're in a beauty parlor in Harlem next to abandoned buildings and somebody's paying five grand for a weave, that's a bit much. I think this is, in a weird way, part of the health care debate. It's like, hmm, there's people with $2000 weaves that could have bought health care with that weave money.
-- Chris Rock

#Thinking #Hair #People

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
-- Chris Rock

#Funny #Hilarious #Laughter

People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.
-- Chris Rock

#People #Cards #Credit

My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know … I don’t really want to get into it, but my mother was sicker than my father. And my mother’s alive. My mother’s fine, OK? I remember going to the hospital to see my mother and wondering, ‘Was I in the right place?’ Like, this was a hotel. Like it had a concierge, man. If the average person really knew the discrepancy in the health care system, there’d be riots in the streets, OK? They would burn this m-therf—ker down!
-- Chris Rock

#Mother #Father #Men

There's always a moment in any stand-up show I do where people are booing. They kinda boo a premise. And then I bail myself out with a joke. But it's like trying to do movies where there's a dramatic undertone.
-- Chris Rock

#People #Trying #Bail

If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite.
-- Chris Rock

#School #Opposites #Abortion

Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go on with a list of black men that were qualified to be the president of the United States. So the Obama victory is progress for white people.
-- Chris Rock

#Men #Years #White

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
-- Chris Rock

#Dance #Idols #Judging

My goals were small. My goal was to become a big enough stand-up that I wouldn't have to do radio. I could sell out a club, which is like 300 seats. If I got big enough, I could sell before I got there, and I wouldn't have to get up at 6 in the morning to do radio. That was pretty much the dream. I had no idea I'd be playing Madison Square Garden or anything.
-- Chris Rock

#Dream #Morning #Garden

We treat racism in this country like it's a style that America went through. Like flared legs and lava lamps. Oh, that crazy thing we did. We were hanging black people. We treat it like a fad instead of a disease that eradicates millions of people. You've got to get it at a lab, and study it, and see its origins, and see what it's immune to and what breaks it down.
-- Chris Rock

#Country #Crazy #America

When you're doing a big-budget movie and you're four on the call sheet, you've got a lot of free time.
-- Chris Rock

#Four #Bigs #Sheets

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
-- Chris Rock

#Funny #Stars #Halloween

I literally don't know what I'm going to do next. That's successful.
-- Chris Rock

#Successful #Next

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
-- Chris Rock

#Sports #People #Black

You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.
-- Chris Rock

#People #Laughing #Needs

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
-- Chris Rock

#Funny #Boys #College

Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club.
-- Chris Rock

#Men #Talking #Guy

People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That's just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad.
-- Chris Rock

#White #People #Black

I say everything's about company. A gourmet meal with an ***** is a horrible meal. A hot dog with an interesting person is an amazing meal.
-- Chris Rock

#Dog #Interesting #Gourmet

People are the same wherever you go. And if they weren't, they wouldn't laugh at the same s**t.
-- Chris Rock

#People #Laughing

A black Christian is like a black person with no memory.
-- Chris Rock

#Christian #Memories #Black

The thing about having an audience right there laughing is that critics can write what they want, but the proof is right there in front of you.
-- Chris Rock

#Writing #Laughing #Want

If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.
-- Chris Rock

#Christian #Memories #Real

Success is just hanging out with my kids. I mean, I always say if you have options, you're rich. To me, success is the fact that hey, I just did a movie and maybe I'll do some stand up, maybe I'll will write a book or maybe I will do a play.
-- Chris Rock

#Book #Writing #Mean

I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boos was trying to say? "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law.
-- Chris Rock

#Mean #Mcdonalds #Law

I try to stay with it and I try to stay in contact with comedians and just keep comedians in my life 'cause comedians are their own species. If you get away from them, especially as a comedian, I think it's dangerous.
-- Chris Rock

#Thinking #Comedian #Trying

Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.
-- Chris Rock

#White #Independence #Slave

Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.
-- Chris Rock

#Clothes #Comedian #Emperor

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
-- Chris Rock

#Bullying #Mean

Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person.
-- Chris Rock

#Done #Persons #Right Person

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
-- Chris Rock

#Funny #Drug #Pimp

I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if you got technical. A lot of this is just selective outrage because honestly, the audience are the ones that tell us that something shouldn't be spoken. The audience lets us know. And I've never, in my almost 30 years of being a comedian, seen a comedian continue to tell a joke that the audience doesn't respond to. I've never seen it.
-- Chris Rock

#Children #Years #Comedian

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.
-- Chris Rock

#Money #Wealth #Value Of Money

My dad worked every day. I didn't get into show business to work every day. So the fact that most days I get to like, spend really good time with my kids - that's what success is to me.
-- Chris Rock

#Dad #Kids #Facts

Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes.
-- Chris Rock

#Shoes #Water #Pairs

I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?"
-- Chris Rock

#Writing #Two #Trying

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.
-- Chris Rock

#Lying #Men #Lying Men

People say, 'Why is he bored with her?' Because he's a human being, that's why; same way his wife is bored with him. That is marriage - anything that's supposed to be forever, your going to get bored with it. And there is nothing wrong with it, so don't take it personal; if you are with somebody for ten years and they are not bored with you? Then something is wrong with them.
-- Chris Rock

#Years #People #Wife

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
-- Chris Rock

#Funny #Comedy #Shots

Emotional affairs, those are the only real affairs; those are the real ones.
-- Chris Rock

#Real #Emotional #Affair

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
-- Chris Rock

#Smart #People #Dumb

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
-- Chris Rock

#Funny #Daughter #Son

You're not famous unless people's mothers know who you are. Everybody else, you think you're famous, but you're just hot, and heat cools off.
-- Chris Rock

#Mother #Thinking #People

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense
-- Chris Rock

#Fighting #Winning #Men

If you're the president you only have two jobs: peace and money.
-- Chris Rock

#Jobs #Two #President

Just to be clear, Ray Rice was not fired for beating his wife. He was fired because a video of him beating his wife was released.
-- Chris Rock

#Wife #Rays #Video

When people try to read between the lines - critics, they have a job. Their job is to make something bigger than it is.
-- Chris Rock

#Jobs #People #Trying

Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they're not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.
-- Chris Rock

#Crazy #Race #White

When I do something good, the audience lets me know immediately. They laugh. That's it.
-- Chris Rock

#Laughing #Let Me #Audience

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
-- Chris Rock

#People #Gluten #Realizing

I got love from my family. I don't really need love from a paper, you know what I mean? I can't get too happy because somebody said something nice about me. I appreciate it, but let's not get it twisted - this is not changing my life.
-- Chris Rock

#Nice #Mean #Appreciate

Yeah, it's unfair that you can get judged by something you didn't do, but it's also unfair that you can inherit money that you didn't work for.
-- Chris Rock

#Unfair #Yeah #Judged

Artistically I'm curious. But in life? No. I can go to a restaurant and order the same thing for 10 years.
-- Chris Rock

#Order #Years #Curious

You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.
-- Chris Rock

#Fire #Mad #Fingertips

The thing about Barack Obama, just from being around him, is he's cooler than the other politicians, but just nerdy enough to do the job. Like you can't be really cool and be the president.
-- Chris Rock

#Jobs #President #Like You

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.
-- Chris Rock

#Uncles #College #America

My mother always says: "You know better, so you'll be punished. Your friends don't know better, so they won't be punished. They can go snatch chains and they'll be fine. But if you snatch chains, you'll end up in jail because you know better."
-- Chris Rock

#Mother #Jail #Ends

My relationship with my daughter is gonna affect her relationship with men for the rest of her life... Sometimes I'm walking with my daughter. I'm pushing her in the stroller, and sometimes I just pick her up and stare at her, and I realize, my only job in life is to keep her off the pole.
-- Chris Rock

#Daughter #Jobs #Men

There are a lot of good comics, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics - there are black comics that work only black crowds, gay comics that do only gay crowds, and southern comics that only work down South, and so on with Asian, Latino, Indian, midgets, etc. The previous generation's comics were better because they had to make everybody laugh.
-- Chris Rock

#Gay #Thinking #Laughing

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
-- Chris Rock

#People #Comedy

Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids.
-- Chris Rock

#Kids #Giving #Wife

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.
-- Chris Rock

#Life Is Short #Humor #Years

There's a difference between racism and "I don't know any better. I'm clueless." Racism is like, "I'm trying to make you feel bad." That's racism.
-- Chris Rock

#Clueless #Differences #Racism

If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it's not that smart.
-- Chris Rock

#Smart #People #Smart People

When you make drama you are like Picasso. Drama is whatever you want it to be.
-- Chris Rock

#Drama #Want

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
-- Chris Rock

#Funny #Gay #People

A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
-- Chris Rock

#Long #Way #Sense Of Humor

Stand-up comedy is like the lowest medium in all of show business in levels of respect.
-- Chris Rock

#Levels #Comedy #Mediums

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
-- Chris Rock

#Funny #Shopping #Two

When you make comedy, you make it for the people and you try to have as many screenings and as many tests and you do focus groups and you read the cards and you try to give the people what they want in this comedy.
-- Chris Rock

#People #Giving #Focus

A man is only as faithful as his options.
-- Chris Rock

#Men #Faithful #Religion

Black comics, they only watch Black comedians. You're a comedian; you're not just a Black comedian. You're a comedian. I try to get that through to everybody.
-- Chris Rock

#Black #Comedian #Trying

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
-- Chris Rock

#Stupid #Wish #Getting High

I had always been - everybody kind of likes comedy. I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it. I had friends that took apart radios; I wanted to take apart jokes.
-- Chris Rock

#Radio #Likes #Comedy

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
-- Chris Rock

#Inspirational #Government #Pay

Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults. So we're all kind of messed up in the same way, and once I was around a group of people that saw the world in a different way, it's like this is where I need to be.
-- Chris Rock

#People #Comedian #Groups

When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
-- Chris Rock

#Children #Crazy #Sacrifice

When a musical act performs, the black audience goes crazy for all the stuff, the album cuts, everything. White audiences, they're nice and all, but they're not going to lose it until they get the hits. Comedy is the same thing.
-- Chris Rock

#Crazy #Nice #Cutting

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
-- Chris Rock

#Girl #Dad #Great Relationship

I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.
-- Chris Rock

#Thinking #Comedian #Crowds

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
-- Chris Rock

#White #Racism #Comedy

I want to really take chances. I want to be funny in a lot of different ways. I'd like to be great. I want to reach for greatness.
-- Chris Rock

#Greatness #Different #Want

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.
-- Chris Rock

#Groups #Comedy

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.
-- Chris Rock

#Smart #Knowing #People

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
-- Chris Rock

#Work Out #Trying #Clubs

You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched.
-- Chris Rock

#Thinking #Want

If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.
-- Chris Rock

#Rooms #Cleaners

I love black people, but I hate niggers.
-- Chris Rock

#Hate #People #Black

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep. And when I see the Tea Party and all this stuff, it actually feels like racism’s almost over. Because this is the last—this is the act up before the sleep. They’re going crazy. They’re insane. You want to get rid of them—and the next thing you know, they’re f—-ing knocked out. And that’s what’s going on in the country right now.
-- Chris Rock

#Country #Crazy #Party

I'll go with the guy with one house. The guy with one house is scared about losing his house.
-- Chris Rock

#House #Guy #Losing

Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!
-- Chris Rock

#Zebras #Men #White