Funny Relationship famous quotes
Last updated: Sep 5, 2024
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In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
I am getting nowhere with you and I can't let you go and I cant get through.
-- Ani DiFranco -
You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him?
-- Ann Dunham -
The appropriate age for marrige is around eighteen and thirty-seven for man
-- Aristotle -
When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage.
-- Bill Ballance -
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
-- Bob Monkhouse -
He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife.
-- Bob Phillips -
My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.
-- Carrie Fisher -
Marriage is like a 5,000- piece jigsaw of the sky.
-- Cathy Ladman -
My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.
-- Chuck Palahniuk -
Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
-- Dave Attell -
Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!'
-- Dave Attell -
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!
-- Dolly Parton -
You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'
-- Ellen DeGeneres -
I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.
-- Frank Skinner -
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
-- Frederick Bushnell "Jack" Ryder -
When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.
-- Garry Shandling -
It's been said a thousand ways by hundreds of different people through the years, but is still as true as ever. If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Yellow H. Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments; they've had the same argument hundreds of times.
-- Gay Hendricks -
The more I know about men the more I like dogs.
-- Gloria Allred -
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
-- Groucho Marx -
The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.
-- Israel Zangwill -
Ideally, couples need three lives; one for him, one for her, and one for them together.
-- Jacqueline Bisset -
In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.
-- Jane Austen -
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
-- Jay Leno -
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
-- Jerry Seinfeld -
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
-- Jerry Seinfeld -
My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.
-- Jo Brand -
If I love you, what business is it of yours?
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe -
we love what we love and who we love who we love and why we love why we love and find a falling shoelace knotted and strung between the fingers of strangers
-- Kami Garcia -
I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.
-- Laura Kightlinger -
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.
-- Leonardo da Vinci -
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
-- Lily Tomlin -
The only people who make love all the time are liars.
-- Louis Jordan -
A man who correctly guesses a woman`s age may be smart, but he's not very bright.
-- Lucille Ball -
I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.
-- Maria Bamford -
Maybe the most that you can expect from a relationship that goes bad is to come out of it with a few good songs.
-- Marianne Faithfull -
We talk about the quality of product and service. What about the quality of our relationships and the quality of our communications and the quality of our promises to each other?
-- Max De Pree -
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
-- Michel de Montaigne -
What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
-- Mike Birbiglia -
Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.
-- Mike Birbiglia -
Even when I begin with a situation that's basically funny or sad, I like to keep poking around in it. I like to get into the middle of a relationship, to explore the subtle places.
-- Paul Mazursky -
Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it.
-- Rabindranath Tagore -
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity, but in being uninteresting.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson -
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.
-- Ralph Wycherley -
I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'
-- Richard Jeni -
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain.
-- Rick Baker -
I strongly believe that love is the answer and that it can mend even the deepest unseen wounds. Love can heal, love can console, love can strengthen, and yes, love can make change.
-- Somaly Mam -
It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
-- Spike Milligan -
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
-- Steve Martin -
The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
-- Thomas Merton -
I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.
-- Walter Matthau -
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
-- Warren Hutcherson -
I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
-- Will Rogers -
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor -
Of course 'we humans' have a funny relationship with the beings with whom we share our planet. We eat them, we care for them, we admire them, we use them.
-- April Gornik -
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
-- Rodney Dangerfield -
A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'
-- Ronnie Shakes
