Johnny Vegas famous quotes

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Funny #Witty #Humorous

There have been times I've finished a big job and thought, 'Great, a couple of weeks off.' But then a couple of weeks turns to three weeks and then after a month you're staring at the phone willing it to ring.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Jobs #Couple #Phones

I'm loath to use my personal life to promote what I do, but at the same time, I don't like a journalist going away with no more than you could get off Wikipedia, where most of it's invented anyway.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Going Away #Wikipedia #Use

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Las Vegas #Comic #Stage

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Las Vegas #Dreamer #Rooms

I've always said that with kids' TV that people get stuck in it from drama school but that's not fair because I know myself that when you go in creatively, kids are so much more open to ideas. You're so much freer to mess about and try things.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Drama #Kids #School

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Birthday #Party #Kids

I think it sort of dawns on you that if you're not gigging constantly you're not actually relevant. You may be relevant to a different part of the media now, to television commissioners and editors, but to a young live-comedy audience you're not, really.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Thinking #Editors #Media

I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Dad #Real #Sleep

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Las Vegas #Return #Needs

You know, there's that temptation in interviews to make yourself sound - well, to give yourself a bit of mystery.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Giving #Temptation #Sound

You don't want to be flattered and become big-headed by getting awards. But, well, I am.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Awards #Want #Bigs

I was loved as a kid; I was raised with more love and emotional support than most folks could wish for my memories aged nought to ten are all bound up together in a mesh of innocence and fun.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Fun #Memories #Kids

I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Thinking #People #Add

Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Book #Writing #Reason

I think I'm realising more and more that I've got a job to do and I can't be doing the big nights out and working to my full potential the next day. I feel much better for it.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Jobs #Night #Thinking

I get obsessed with decorations and decorating the house. I keep it tasteful outside, but when you get inside it is a bit like Blackpool illuminations, I go bonkers!
-- Johnny Vegas

#Illumination #House #Obsessed

You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Dad #People #Half

There's a domino effect with certain things you say.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Certain #Domino Effect

There is something more spiritual to us than what we are on this earth, but how you access it I'm not sure.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Spiritual #Earth #Not Sure

The idea of being on TV 24 hours a day and people seeing the real me... No.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Real #Ideas #People

Oh, I'm terrible at travel.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Terrible

The people on the QVC shopping channel convince me that life is worth living. They see the good in everything. People who go to counselling should actually go to a room with a QVC seller for half an hour and let them find the qualities within them. For example, they'd look at me and say, 'To anybody else this looks like a stomach but, actually, his feet never get wet in the rain.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Depression #Rain #Shopping

Being 'Johnny' was almost like an out of body experience. I thought he was just a character that I'd created and could quite easily step away from, but it was much more difficult than that.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Character #Body #Steps

It's lovely being a parent and being in a strong marriage with somebody who is your best friend.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Strong #Parent #Lovely

It can be tough as a jobbing actor.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Actors #Tough

You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Women #Winning #Las Vegas

Class still matters in Britain today.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Class #Matter #Today

I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Nice #Thinking #Las Vegas

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Confidence #Children #Hands

We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Giving #Emotion #Deserve

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Las Vegas #Enough #Baldness

I hate flying, airports and the whole rigmarole - queuing up, security and lost luggage.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Hate #Airports #Flying

I had a massive amount of self-belief when I did stand-up.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Self #Belief #Belief In Self

I believe that Britain is becoming more class-conscious, and I quake at the very idea of Old Etonians ruling the world again.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Believe #Ideas #Class

There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Gay #Fans #Stuff

I avoid any kind of organised trips as that's one of my bugbears.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Kind

I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Fans #Cheese #Bigs

Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Wise #Block #Said

Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!
-- Johnny Vegas

#Priests #Electric

For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Spiritual #People #Leader

Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Watches #Comedy #Fine

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Birthday #Sex #School

I still give myself the right to be highly critical of others, though.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Giving #Critical #Stills

I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Drama #Las Vegas #Serious

My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn't come home.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Home #Holiday #Vacation

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Age #Roles #Century

Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Witty #Airports #Finding Yourself

The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Christmas #Years #Cheese

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Las Vegas #Fickle #Chance

If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Stars #War #Las Vegas

I've got my finger in a lot of pies.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Pie #Fingers

I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Eggs #Looks #Ankles

I've always been looking for other people's approval.
-- Johnny Vegas

#People #Approval

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Las Vegas #Interesting #Acting

I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Burgers #Used #Feds

I use very few muscles at the best of times.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Las Vegas #Use #Muscles

I've spent lots of time in London, I studied in London, I like London. It's just not my home.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Home #London

I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Wedding #Thinking #Needs

My agent once said, 'You're not very driven.' And it's true. I'm not the type to ring up and go, 'Get me this part!'
-- Johnny Vegas

#Agents #Driven #Type

I struggle as a writer, and I'm convinced that if I was at school now, I'd be termed as having ADS. Two minutes and I'm drifting.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Struggle #School #Two

I sang 'American Pie' a lot in my stage set. It had a knack of uniting an audience in a sing-along. It's a clever song about American history but wrapped in a fantastic tune.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Song #Clever #Pie

Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Comedian #Holding On

My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Las Vegas #My Family #Accepted

I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Too Much

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Flu #Six #Different

Some comics are in it for what they can get out of it. Others are in it for a love of comedy. I think those that are in it for a genuine love of comedy find each other within the circuit and become friends.
-- Johnny Vegas

#Thinking #Comedy #Genuine