Jay London famous quotes

50 minutes ago

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.
-- Jay London

#Cheesy #Cheese #Whole Family
A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
-- Jay London

#Opportunity #Rocks #Window
I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.
-- Jay London

#Book #Fall #Loss
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights
-- Jay London

#Funny #Witty #Morning
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes
-- Jay London

#Funny #Dog #Witty
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings
-- Jay London

#Funny #Witty #Father
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
-- Jay London

#Doctors #Medical #Said
I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.
-- Jay London

#Clouds #People #Casting
His puppyhood was a period of foolish rebellion. He was always worsted, but he fought back because it was his nature to fight back. And he was unconquerable.
-- Jay London

#Dog #Fighting #Rebellion
I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.
-- Jay London

#Military #Training #Cockroaches
I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.
-- Jay London
I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.
-- Jay London

#Lonely #Hug #Tonight
I model irregular clothing.
-- Jay London

#Clothings #Models
I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.
-- Jay London

#Worry #Identity #Needs
You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart,
-- Jay London

#Guy #Might #Fourth
I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.
-- Jay London

#Nice #Home #Giving
After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.
-- Jay London

#Pride #Years #Nicknames
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.
-- Jay London

#Girlfriend #Personality #Fit
A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
-- Jay London

#Jobs #Funny Work #Guy
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.
-- Jay London

#Father #Blunt #Instruments
They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.
-- Jay London

#Adults #Euthanasia #Said
I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
-- Jay London

#Worry #Nuclear #World
I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.
-- Jay London

#Girl #Weather #Dating
I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.
-- Jay London

#Drug #May #Causes
Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
-- Jay London

#Today #Tomorrow
I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.
-- Jay London

#Hilarious

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