Bob Hope famous quotes

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
-- Bob Hope

#Giving #Give Me A Chance #Chance

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
-- Bob Hope

#Funny #Hilarious #Witty

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
-- Bob Hope

#Life #Happiness #Success

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
-- Bob Hope

#Dog #Tree #Pet

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
-- Bob Hope

#Christmas #Holiday #Simple

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
-- Bob Hope

#Hate #Inspiration #Funny Friend

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
-- Bob Hope

#Happy Birthday #Funny Inspirational #Humorous

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
-- Bob Hope

#Music #Play #Names

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
-- Bob Hope

#People #Liberty #One Liner

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?
-- Bob Hope

#America #Support #Complaining

Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!
-- Bob Hope

#Healing #Mean #Wonderful

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
-- Bob Hope

#Life #Helping #Comedy

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
-- Bob Hope

#Funny #Insperational #Proactive

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
-- Bob Hope

#Golf #Green #Pay

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
-- Bob Hope

#Laughter #Heart #Humor

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
-- Bob Hope

#Birthday #Witty #Funny Inspirational

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
-- Bob Hope

#Love #Funny #Witty

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope

#Birthday #Naps #Age

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
-- Bob Hope

#Funny #Laughter #Caring

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
-- Bob Hope

#Love #Kissing #People

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
-- Bob Hope

#Inspirational #Funny #Life

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
-- Bob Hope

#Love #Funny #Hope

If they liked you, they didn't applaud -- they let you live.
-- Bob Hope

We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
-- Bob Hope

#Spring #Golf #Play

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
-- Bob Hope

#Tired #Comedy #Getting Tired

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
-- Bob Hope

#Jesus #Pissed Off #News

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
-- Bob Hope

#Golf #Play #Age

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.
-- Bob Hope

#Swings #Comedy #Rich

I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
-- Bob Hope

#Golf #Age

I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it's silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I'm breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That's what gives me the strength to break the club.
-- Bob Hope

#Beautiful #Silly #Golf

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
-- Bob Hope

#Kids #Wonderful

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?
-- Bob Hope

#Fun #Lying #Golf

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.
-- Bob Hope

#People #Young #Older People

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
-- Bob Hope

#Two #Funny Marriage #Crime

My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
-- Bob Hope

#Gun #Makeup #Men

A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
-- Bob Hope

#Golf #Shooting #Fields

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.
-- Bob Hope

#Golf #Games #People

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.
-- Bob Hope

#Golf #Thinking

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.
-- Bob Hope

#Birthday #Morning #Believe

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
-- Bob Hope

#Lying #Golf #Caddies

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.
-- Bob Hope

#Real #Golf #Pay

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.
-- Bob Hope

#Golf #Play #Lightning