George Burns famous quotes

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
-- George Burns

#Inspirational #Cute #Positive

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
-- George Burns

#Love #Inspirational #Funny

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.
-- George Burns

#Morning #Names #Breakfast

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
-- George Burns

#Funny #Fake People #Truth

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
-- George Burns

#Clever #Drinking #Drunk

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
-- George Burns

#Funny #Happy Birthday #Zippers

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
-- George Burns

#Relationship #Love Is #Laughing

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
-- George Burns

#Stress #Keys #Worry

People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways - I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.
-- George Burns

#Senior #Two #People

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
-- George Burns

#Hilarious #Retirement #Ties

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
-- George Burns

#Music #Scotch #People

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
-- George Burns

#Funny #Birthday #Death

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
-- George Burns

#Inspirational #Funny #Life

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
-- George Burns

#Good Woman #Meals #Comedy

Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
-- George Burns

#Mean #Long #Age

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
-- George Burns

#Age #Eccentric #Young

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
-- George Burns

#Birthday #Optimistic #Wish

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
-- George Burns

#Aging #Retiring #Shows

Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.
-- George Burns

#Drinking #Good Woman #Dry

At my age flowers scare me.
-- George Burns

#Birthday #Funny Inspirational #Flower

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns

#Life #Two #Secret

Young. Old. Just Words.
-- George Burns

#Age #Young

Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
-- George Burns

#Trying #Pool #Cigar

I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.
-- George Burns

#Fall #Age #Aging

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
-- George Burns

#Vaudeville #Talent #Stink

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
-- George Burns

#Funny #Witty #Humorous

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
-- George Burns

#Business #Goal

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
-- George Burns

#Age #Thrill #Comedy

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.
-- George Burns

#Taken #Doctors #Smoking

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
-- George Burns

#Funny #Witty #Complaining

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
-- George Burns

#Funny #Life #Witty

Be quick to learn and wise to know.
-- George Burns

#Inspirational #Wise #Learning

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
-- George Burns

#Funny #Witty #Teacher

And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
-- George Burns

#People #Lawyer #Blame

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
-- George Burns

#Inspirational #Funny #Running

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.
-- George Burns

#Birthday #People #Appreciate

I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
-- George Burns

#Inspirational #Care #Inspirational Success