Rich Hall famous quotes

50 minutes ago

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.
-- Rich Hall

#Funny #Witty #Class
The first time I came to the Comedy Festival some nutcase shot a bunch of people in Tasmania. I thought, 'Oh, that's just Tasmania.' The second time I came, some nut shot up Columbine High School. Now I'm here again, and another nut just shot up a high school in Minnesota. If you can't see the connection between me playing the Comedy Festival and mass murder, you're no good at conspiracy theories.
-- Rich Hall

#School #Nuts #People
FOOVIEW (foo' view) n. The ability of a dog to inflict guilt from any angle in the room while he watches his master eat.
-- Rich Hall

#Dog #Views #Guilt
Foxes are rats in expensive coats. What are foxes associated with? Evil, wily, conniving, duplicitous, Fox News - worst news service on the planet and the evilest.
-- Rich Hall

#America #Evil #World
A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice.
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Hair #Spots
The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Snacks #Peculiar
The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Long #Bars
Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Milk #Sides
The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Games #Cards
The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Envelopes #Stamps
The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Turtles #Tortoises
A hotel mini bar allows you to see what a can of Pepsi will cost in twenty years.
-- Rich Hall

#Years #Bars #Cost
The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters.
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Chocolate #Soda
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
-- Rich Hall

#Running #Humorous #Giving
Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Toes #Ability
In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he is lonely.
-- Rich Hall

#Lonely #Nature #Montana
As an American, I'd like to apologize - for everything.
-- Rich Hall

#America #Apologizing
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.
-- Rich Hall

#Humorous #Airports #Rope

You may also like:

Adam Hills
Comedian
Alan Davies
Comedian
Bill Bailey
Comedian
Clive Anderson
Presenter
Dara O Briain
Stand-up comedian
Jack Dee
Comedian
Jack Whitehall
Comedian
Jenny Eclair
Comedian
Jimmy Carr
Comedian
Jo Brand
Actress
Johnny Vegas
Actor
Jon Richardson
Comedian
Marcus Brigstocke
Comedian
Noel Fielding
Comedian
Rob Brydon
Actor
Sean Lock
Comedian
Simon Amstell
Comedian
Stephen Fry
Comedian
Stewart Francis
Comedian
Mike Wilmot
Comedian