Marcus Brigstocke famous quotes

The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had some audiences where I didn't care if they laughed or not because they were either too drunk or stupid.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Jobs #Stupid #Simple

If you go on stage with an agenda, you have to accept not everyone's going to agree with it.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Agendas #Goes On #Accepting

I spend my jollity on stage, so there is less in my own life.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Stage

Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Host #Internet #Shows

There are a lot of comics at the top end making staggering amounts of money and selling out stadiums. I think stand-up is a more intimate thing than that. Maybe because of the kind of comedy I do. It's like a discussion, but I'm the one with the microphone.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Thinking #Comedy #Kind

I think Ross Noble is the only person that I've seen really storm a stand-up slot at a festival, and that was when he led 3,000 people on a conga out of the tent and across the entire site to a vegetarian food truck.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Thinking #People #Storm

I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Comedian #Roles #Actors

No one wants life to end. It was bad enough when my last tour came to an end.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Want #Lasts #Enough

The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Successful #Hardest

I became hugely overweight and then hated myself because it was a form of self-abuse, something over which I had no control. I think the thing compulsive over-eaters want to achieve is that stuffed-full Christmas afternoon feeling.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Thinking #Self #Feelings

I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#People #Unhappiness #Compare

I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Comic #Touring #Hotel

And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performing.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Giving Up #Writing #Creating

Jim Henson was an absolute genius.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Genius

Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done; shame is feeling bad about who you are - all it is, is muddling up things you have done with who you are.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Feelings #Guilt #Done

Never Google yourself. Seriously, don't!
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Google

If you want something Scottish, go get yourself a kilt.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Kilts #Want #Scottish

Catholicism has the clerical equivalent to a nut allergy - even a small exposure to change, and the whole thing will go into anaphylactic shock.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Nuts #Allergies #Exposure

I am not racked with self-loathing. Some issues of guilt and shame, but I'm a pretty good guy.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Self #Issues #Guy

I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Self #Determined #Pompous

I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Atheist #Would Be #Default

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Comedy #Masters #Trade

I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Hate #Airports #Minutes

Britain is obsessed with political correctness.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Political #Obsessed #Britain

I went to China for a brief working visit, and I thought that Shanghai was interesting, but Beijing totally grabbed me.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Interesting #Beijing #Shanghai

I think it's important never to look yourself up on Wikipedia. I think the temptation to correct any interesting factual errors would be too much.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Thinking #Errors #Interesting

I failed to get into drama school, and my best friend told me I should do stand-up instead. I was always doing gags and voices, so he booked a gig for me without telling me. I only had four days to write it. I did a seven-minute set; the first four minutes were terrible, but the last two were amazing.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Drama #Writing #School

I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was hooked. It's an amazing feeling.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Ideas #Feelings #Style

I've spent a lot of very happy times in Edinburgh as a result of playing virtually every festival since 1996. It's also a beautiful city in its own right, is walkable, within sight of the sea and mountains - and was too far north for the Luftwaffe to have done any damage, hence the spectacularly beautiful architecture.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Beautiful #Sight #Sea

I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Mind #Cardigans #Being Cool

To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Iphone #People

Political correctness is as exploitable as any other progressive ideal, but its aim is to stifle the incessant noise of those who flap their careless lips without a thought about those they might offend and why that might be important.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Political #Important #Noise

Jews, I know you're God's chosen people and the rest of us are just 'whatever', but when Israel behaves like a violent, psychopathic bully and someone mentions it, that doesn't make them anti-Semitic.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Israel #People #Bully

You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#Children #Hug #Lost

I have an addictive personality. Boarding school merely sent me more quickly on the downward spiral that dominated my childhood.
-- Marcus Brigstocke

#School #Personality #Childhood