Jeremy Hardy famous quotes

Last updated: Sep 5, 2024

The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Past #Hypocrisy #Faces
The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Children #War #Party
Most harm is done by people who are awake.
-- Jeremy Hardy

#People #Done #Harm
If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Would Be #Vote #Shots
You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Mother #Father #War
It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Mean #People #Village
Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Practice #Ideas #Theory
All socialists have bad backs because we slouch â€” except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Judgemental #News #Body
The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things.
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Personality #Needs #Lists
My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Daughter #Pairs #Eleven
Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.
-- Jeremy Hardy

#Photograph #Britain #Northern Ireland

You may also like:

Barry Cryer
Writer
Bill Bailey
Comedian
Dara O Briain
Stand-up comedian
Dave Gorman
Author
Humphrey Lyttelton
Musician
Jack Dee
Comedian
Jack Whitehall
Comedian
Jimmy Carr
Comedian
Jo Brand
Actress
Jon Richardson
Comedian
Lee Evans
Comedian
Les Dawson
Comedian
Marcus Brigstocke
Comedian
Mark Steel
Columnist
Mark Thomas
Comedian
Michael McIntyre
Stand-up comedian
Rich Hall
Comedian
Ronnie Corbett
Actor
Francesca Martinez
Comedian
Sandi Toksvig
Writer