Sarcastic famous quotes
04-26-2025
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Nature, not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write.
-- A. E. Housman -
In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning.
-- A. E. Housman -
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown -
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
-- Abba Eban -
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
-- Abraham Lincoln -
The things I want to know are in books; my best friend is the man who'll get me a book I ain't read.
-- Abraham Lincoln -
She could carry off anything; and some people said that she did.
-- Ada Leverson -
Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
-- Al Capp -
Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache.
-- Alan Bennett -
So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name.
-- Alan Bennett -
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
-- Alanis Morissette -
She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.
-- Alexander Woollcott -
The true God, the mighty God, is the God of ideas.
-- Alfred de Vigny -
I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.
-- Alfred Hitchcock -
Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
-- Alfred Hitchcock -
I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.
-- Allan Sloan -
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.
-- Ambrose Bierce -
I'm the walkingest girl around. I like to work at it - really get my heart pounding.
-- Amy Yasbeck -
I find myself to be quite sarcastic, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't get that.
-- Andrej Pejic -
a sarcastic expression, on a beast, is far more sinister than rage.
-- Anne Bosworth Greene -
He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.
-- Anton Chekhov -
At a turbulent public meeting once I lost my temper and said some harsh and sarcastic things. The proposal I was supporting was promptly defeated. My father who was there, said nothing, but that night, on my pillow I found a marked passage from Aristotle: Anybody can become angry--that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.
-- Arthur Gordon Webster -
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant -
Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story
-- Ashleigh Brilliant -
I will always love the false image I had of you.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant -
I don't want to be with someone boring because I'm always laughing. I to play jokes on people and be sarcastic.
-- Ashley Benson -
While [the Arians], like men sprung from a dunghill, truly "spoke from the earth" [Jn. 3:31], the bishops [of Nicea], not having invented their phrases for themselves, but having testimony from their fathers, wrote as they did. For ancient bishops, of the great Rome and our city [i.e., Alexandria, Egypt, where Athanasius was bishop], some 130 years ago, wrote and censured those who said that the Son was a creature and not consubstantial with the Father.
-- Athanasius of Alexandria -
Sarcasm is weird. Even not in acting, in life I feel 'sarcastic' is a word that people use to describe me sometimes so when I meet someone, it's almost they feel they have to also be sarcastic, but it can sometimes just come off as mean if it's not used in the right way.
-- Aubrey Plaza -
He had a big head and a face so ugly it became almost fascinating.
-- Ayn Rand -
Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
-- Barack Obama -
It is true, I worry about the hype. The only person more over-hyped than me is you.
-- Barack Obama -
It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.
-- Barack Obama -
Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.
-- Barbet Schroeder -
I've had them both, and I don't think much of either.
-- Beatrix Lehmann -
Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.
-- Benjamin Disraeli -
A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity.
-- Benjamin Disraeli -
If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
-- Billy Wilder -
She not only kept her lovely figure, she's added so much to it.
-- Bob Fosse -
My daughter got me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. So we know she's sarcastic.
-- Bob Odenkirk -
We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks. We're real sarcastic. Really ironic and stuff. We mean well, but we joke around probably a lot more than we should.
-- Brendon Urie -
My films often have a very strong strain of irony, or even sarcasm, which is definitely related to homosexual camp. But it is by no means straightforward: quite often I am sincere when I appear to be sarcastic, and I am sarcastic when I appear to be sincere. I also try to contradict myself at least once a day, which is a camp must.
-- Bruce LaBruce -
Since I started making films, I've been a nut for dialogue. When I first saw Star Wars when I was 12 years old, I came home and recited all of the lines from it. Before I talked about Death Stars exploding and Tie Fighters I was talking about how funny Princess Leia was and how sarcastic Han Solo was. So to me that's always the most important thing, and I love hearing great actors say great lines.
-- Bryan Singer -
Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy.
-- Bryant H. McGill -
She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression.
-- C. S. Lewis -
Chick flick is not a term used to praise a movie. Nobody says 'it's a great chick flick.' It's a way of being derisive. I'm not clear why it's ok to do it.
-- Callie Khouri -
I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Benso, Count of Cavour -
The Mexicans descend from the Aztecs; the Peruvians descend from the Incas; the Argentineans descend from the boats.
-- Carlos Fuentes -
His voice was the most obnoxious squeak I ever was tormented with.
-- Charles Lamb -
She is such a good friend that she would throw all her acquaintances into the water for the pleasure of fishing them out again.
-- Charles Maurice de Talleyrand -
In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.
-- Charles Maurice de Talleyrand -
Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry.
-- Charles Osgood -
When you're being earnest, people think you're being sarcastic and when you're being sarcastic, they think you're being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate.
-- Charlie Brooker -
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
-- Clarence Darrow -
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?
-- Clarence Darrow -
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow -
The German mind has a talent for making no mistakes but the very greatest.
-- Clifton Fadiman -
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
-- Clint Eastwood -
This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.
-- Clint Eastwood -
If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?
-- Cynthia Heimel -
What do you call 500 lawyers lying on the bottom of the Ocean? A good start..
-- Danny DeVito -
My mom was sarcastic about men. She would tell me Adam was the rough draft and Eve was the final product. She was a feminist minister, an earth mom who wore a bra only on Sundays.
-- Daphne Zuniga -
Yeah, he's in pain except between the first and ninth innings
-- Dave Bristol -
Gaia spins on, silently contemplating what it means to be born into a sarcastic universe.
-- David Brin -
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
-- David Gerrold -
Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.
-- David Letterman -
Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
-- David Letterman -
He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.
-- David Lloyd George -
He is brilliant - to the top of his boots.
-- David Lloyd George -
The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
-- David Ogilvy -
Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.
-- Denis Healey -
History is a kind of introduction to more interesting people than we can possibly meet in our restricted lives; let us not neglect the opportunity.
-- Dexter Perkins -
He was about as useful in a crisis as a sheep.
-- Dorothy Eden -
Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.
-- Douglas Pagels -
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
-- Drew Carey -
America makes prodigious mistakes, America has colossal faults, but one thing cannot be denied: America is always on the move. She may be going to Hell, of course, but at least she isn't standing still.
-- e. e. cummings -
A nasty letter or a sarcastic one can make you righteously angry, but what can you do about a polite letter of rejection? Nothing, really, except cry.
-- E. L. Konigsburg -
A four-hundred-dollar suit on him would look like socks on a rooster.
-- Earl Long -
He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him.
-- Eddie Cantor
