Norm MacDonald famous quotes

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Cancer #Guy #Battle

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Perfect #Lines #Would Be

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Clever #Stupid #Thinking

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Gambling #Games #Watches

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Sports #Real #Thinking

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Fun #Hipster #Hippie

There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Men #Two #Giving

With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Ambition #Ambitious #Purpose

OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote 'Hey, they're still alive, aren't they?'
-- Norm MacDonald

#Children #Kids #Order

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Beer #Self #Matter

Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Love #Love Is #Desire

Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Love #Men #Upset

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Love #People #Hatred

In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Love #Heart #Eye

Few people love with the violence they hate.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Love #Hate #People

In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Love

During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Misfortunes #Deserving

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Shame #Fortitude #Virtue

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Love #Disappointment #Hate

It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Complaining #Failing #Vain

It is the folly of weak-minded people, to imagine they are what flattery or conceit represents them; and that it is useless for them to be what they are not, since they seem already to have acquired the reputation of it.
-- Norm MacDonald

#People #Reputation #Flattery

We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Flattery #Delusion #Deceived

If you cannot patiently bear correction, endeavor to avoid fault.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Criticism

We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Disappointment #Expectations #Certainty

Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
-- Norm MacDonald

#Men #Ridiculous #Foolish

Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Men #Desire #Fool

They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Ignorant #Fool

Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Over You

The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Reading #Different #Morality

The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Joy #Opinion #Imitation

Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Strong #Prejudice #Reason

Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Men #Giving #Secrecy

It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Tolerance

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Men #Virtue

They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity; but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Virtue #Habit #Virtuous

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Wisdom #Discretion

There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Youth #Good Company

Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Youth #Limitation

As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Passion #Heart #Soul

A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Deceiving #Cunning

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Disappointment #Expectations #Promise

The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Passion #Soul #Relaxation

The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Promise #Break

Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.
-- Norm MacDonald

#Passion