Colin Quinn famous quotes

You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.
-- Colin Quinn

#Thinking #Laughing

It’s sad. Marxism didn’t work. Communism didn’t work. Capitalism doesn’t work.  Nothing works. Even democracy doesn’t work. Democracy-the greatest form of government and we have two choices for who’s our leader. In fascism you only have one choice. That’s great. We have one more choice than the worst form of government.
-- Colin Quinn

#Government #Two #Choices

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.
-- Colin Quinn

#War #Talking #Office

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.
-- Colin Quinn

#Writing #Thinking #Want

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.
-- Colin Quinn

#Witty #Kings #Reason

Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.
-- Colin Quinn

#Want #Matter #Braces

I always wanted to write as much as perform.
-- Colin Quinn

#Writing #Wanted

Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.
-- Colin Quinn

#Careers #Interesting #Used

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.
-- Colin Quinn

#Hands #Years #Mind

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.
-- Colin Quinn

#Funny #Cake #Lines

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.
-- Colin Quinn

#Funny Things #Laughing #Likes

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.
-- Colin Quinn

#People #Comedian #Tailors

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.
-- Colin Quinn

#Country #Crazy #Thinking

My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.
-- Colin Quinn

#World #Facts #Violent

People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper.
-- Colin Quinn

#Jobs #Talking #People

The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.
-- Colin Quinn

#Crazy #Self Esteem #Play

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.
-- Colin Quinn

#Broadway #Pay #Making Money

I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America.
-- Colin Quinn

#Japan #Europe #America

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.
-- Colin Quinn

#Thinking #Long #Guy

I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.
-- Colin Quinn

#Tv Shows #Stuff #Tvs

That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.
-- Colin Quinn

#Jobs #Comedian #Lucky

Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are.
-- Colin Quinn

#Crazy #Humanity #Who We Are

I'm not a big method actor. I'm much more superficial.
-- Colin Quinn

#Actors #Superficial #Bigs

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.
-- Colin Quinn

#Greek #Firsts #Life Is

My name has zero value.
-- Colin Quinn

#Zero #Names #Values

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.
-- Colin Quinn

#Style #Different #Sense Of Humor

I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.
-- Colin Quinn

#Funny #Thinking #People

I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.
-- Colin Quinn

#New York #People #Comedian

Everybody's funny in different ways.
-- Colin Quinn

#Different #Way

I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it.
-- Colin Quinn

#Strong #Russia #Hands

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.
-- Colin Quinn

#Gun #Thinking #Six

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.
-- Colin Quinn

#Thinking #Trying #Tailors

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.
-- Colin Quinn

#Long #People #Diversity

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write
-- Colin Quinn

#Writing

The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.
-- Colin Quinn

#People #Priests

It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.
-- Colin Quinn

#Crazy #Trade

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.
-- Colin Quinn

#Mistake #Thinking #People

With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.
-- Colin Quinn

#Laughing #Understanding #Comedian

I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian.
-- Colin Quinn

#Cynical #Comedian #World