Robert Orben famous quotes

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
-- Robert Orben

#Thinking #Trying #Firsts

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
-- Robert Orben

#Humorous #Native American #Profound

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
-- Robert Orben

#Work #Technology #Blame

A compliment is verbal sunshine.
-- Robert Orben

#Sunshine #Compliment

We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
-- Robert Orben

#People #Use #Enough

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
-- Robert Orben

#Family #Fathers Day #Mother

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben

#Inspirational #Funny #Good Morning

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
-- Robert Orben

#Spring #Way #More Time

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
-- Robert Orben

#Saving #Investment #Inflation

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
-- Robert Orben

#Funny #Fitness #Health

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world
-- Robert Orben

#Love #Family #Happiness

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
-- Robert Orben

#Funny #Graduation #Education

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.
-- Robert Orben

#Believe #Volunteer #People

Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
-- Robert Orben

#Motivational #Being Yourself #Advice

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
-- Robert Orben

#Mom #Baby #Thumbs

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
-- Robert Orben

#Motivational #Life And Love #People

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
-- Robert Orben

#Inspirational #Political #Feelings

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
-- Robert Orben

#Inspirational #Time #Humorous

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
-- Robert Orben

#Work #Cute Life #Vacation

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
-- Robert Orben

#Funny #Witty #Children

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
-- Robert Orben

#Funny #Birthday #Fitness

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
-- Robert Orben

#Fun #Air #Environment

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
-- Robert Orben

#Girl #Funny Love #Confused

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
-- Robert Orben

#Country #Feelings #World

When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
-- Robert Orben

#Giving #Laughing #Persons

Humor gives presidents the chance to be seen as warm, relaxed persons. Humor reaches out and puts its arm around the listener and says, 'I am one of you, I understand,' and implicitly it promises, 'I will do something about your problems.
-- Robert Orben

#Giving #Promise #President

It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke.
-- Robert Orben

#Age #Sense Of Humor #Jokes

We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
-- Robert Orben

#Family #Dirty #Listening

Individuality' is the key to success.
-- Robert Orben

#Keys #Individuality #Key To Success

New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!
-- Robert Orben

#Cities #Contact

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
-- Robert Orben

#Writing #Secret #Comedy

Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.
-- Robert Orben

#Cities #Jet Planes #Noise

I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings?
-- Robert Orben

#Blessing #Computer #Science And Religion

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
-- Robert Orben

#War #Rust #May

I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
-- Robert Orben

#Family #Kids #Names

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.
-- Robert Orben

#Pain #Medicine #Disease

You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
-- Robert Orben

#Beach #Writing #Want

Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
-- Robert Orben

#Travel #Home #Past

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
-- Robert Orben

#Book #School #Modern Life

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
-- Robert Orben

#Kids #Today #Dollars

I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."
-- Robert Orben

#Couple #Hero #Night

I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.
-- Robert Orben

#People #Values #Conscience

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.
-- Robert Orben

#Oil #Government #Energy

Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
-- Robert Orben

#Lasts #Economy #Quarters

Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
-- Robert Orben

#People #Political #Sense Of Humor

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
-- Robert Orben

#Morning #Years #May

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.
-- Robert Orben

#Years #Wife #Awful

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
-- Robert Orben

#Lying #Humorous #Wife

The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
-- Robert Orben

#Years #Calendars #Playboy

Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
-- Robert Orben

#Speech #Honest #Emotion

I'd be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn't run again. To us it's a second term. To him it's a double feature.
-- Robert Orben

#Running #Term

If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
-- Robert Orben

#People #Crooks #Stories

Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
-- Robert Orben

#Checks #Figures

Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.
-- Robert Orben

#Wall #Prophet #Profit

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
-- Robert Orben

#Clothes #Boxers #Use

To exercise is human; not to is divine.
-- Robert Orben

#Exercise #Divine #Humans