Robert Orben famous quotes
50 minutes ago
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If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
-- Robert Orben -
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
-- Robert Orben -
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
-- Robert Orben -
We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
-- Robert Orben -
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
-- Robert Orben -
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-- Robert Orben -
Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
-- Robert Orben -
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
-- Robert Orben -
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world
-- Robert Orben -
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
-- Robert Orben -
Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.
-- Robert Orben -
Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
-- Robert Orben -
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
-- Robert Orben -
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
-- Robert Orben -
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
-- Robert Orben -
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
-- Robert Orben -
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
-- Robert Orben -
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
-- Robert Orben -
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
-- Robert Orben -
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
-- Robert Orben -
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
-- Robert Orben -
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
-- Robert Orben -
When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.
-- Robert Orben -
Humor gives presidents the chance to be seen as warm, relaxed persons. Humor reaches out and puts its arm around the listener and says, 'I am one of you, I understand,' and implicitly it promises, 'I will do something about your problems.
-- Robert Orben -
It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke.
-- Robert Orben -
We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.
-- Robert Orben -
New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!
-- Robert Orben -
The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
-- Robert Orben -
Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.
-- Robert Orben -
I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings?
-- Robert Orben -
A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.
-- Robert Orben -
I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
-- Robert Orben -
Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.
-- Robert Orben -
You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.
-- Robert Orben -
Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
-- Robert Orben -
Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
-- Robert Orben -
They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
-- Robert Orben -
I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."
-- Robert Orben -
I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.
-- Robert Orben -
I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.
-- Robert Orben -
Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
-- Robert Orben -
Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.
-- Robert Orben -
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
-- Robert Orben -
It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.
-- Robert Orben -
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
-- Robert Orben -
The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.
-- Robert Orben -
Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.
-- Robert Orben -
I'd be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn't run again. To us it's a second term. To him it's a double feature.
-- Robert Orben -
If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?
-- Robert Orben -
Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
-- Robert Orben -
Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.
-- Robert Orben -
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
-- Robert Orben
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