Jeff Ross famous quotes

Last updated: Sep 5, 2024

You have such a huge career ... behind you.
-- Jeff Ross

#Careers #Behind You #Behinds
My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
-- Jeff Ross

#Uncles #Sarcasm #Aunt
When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.
-- Jeff Ross

#Stars #Rocks #Frustrated
I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.
-- Jeff Ross

#Sports #Wells
Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her age and face.
-- Jeff Ross

#Achievement #Age #Canada
I think Jersey stands alone, and because I'm from Jersey, I never make fun of where people are from. I'll make fun of what they look like, but I'll never make fun of where they are from. Jersey is special.
-- Jeff Ross

#Fun #Thinking #People
Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.
-- Jeff Ross

#Charlie #Standing
Comedy comes from pain, and no one knows that better than this woman Roseanne Barrâ€”who was molested as a child. Uch. That poor molester. Roseanne never got over it. She felt violated. She had trust issues. She never got the candy he promised her.
-- Jeff Ross

#Children #Pain #Issues
Instead of running for President, why donâ€™t you try walking on a treadmill?
-- Jeff Ross

#Running #Trying #President
I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.
-- Jeff Ross

#Government #President #Vote
How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?
-- Jeff Ross

#Looks #Cobain
South Park called...they want their everything back.
-- Jeff Ross

#Want #Parks
With everybody having a Facebook and a Twitter, I feel like regular people consider themselves stars. It's a live, real-time upload of every time we buy a pair of socks, the most telling sign that we're losing our politeness. When you know everything about somebody, you can talk to them any way you please.
-- Jeff Ross

#Stars #Real #People
Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.
-- Jeff Ross

#Want #Apologizing #Observation
Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.
-- Jeff Ross

#Pain #Moving #Life Is Short

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