Samantha Bee famous quotes

04-19-2025

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.
-- Samantha Bee

#Years #People #Twenties
Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.
-- Samantha Bee

#Pain #Disappointment #Sleep
If it wasn't for what goes on in the world of politics, we wouldn't really have much of a show.
-- Samantha Bee

#World #Goes On #Shows
Christmas: It's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.
-- Samantha Bee

#Christmas #Christian #Religious
The best part about poker is there's no down side.
-- Samantha Bee

#Sides
I believe in breakfast. It's the one meal that my kids usually eat without a fuss, so that's huge. As for myself, I can't function without it, and I see it as a great way to get some healthy greens in, some coffee, and on a good day, maybe even some news of the world via the newspaper.
-- Samantha Bee

#Believe #Coffee #Good Day
I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.
-- Samantha Bee

#Thinking #People #Actors
I get maximum satisfaction out of buying children's clothes online.
-- Samantha Bee

#Children #Clothes #Buying
I think that my love of cooking grew out of my love of reading about cooking. When I was a kid, we had a bookcase in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I would eat all my meals reading about meals I could have been having.
-- Samantha Bee

#Reading #Kids #Thinking
I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.
-- Samantha Bee

#People #Live In The Moment #Sitting
I'm shy, but I'm not clinically shy. I don't have social anxiety disorder or anything like that. I more have a gentle shyness. Like, I have a little trouble mingling at parties.
-- Samantha Bee

#Party #Anxiety #Littles
If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job.
-- Samantha Bee

#Jobs #New York
It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur.
-- Samantha Bee

#Real #Color #Hair
My apartment is the equivalent of one room in my Toronto home. Now I understand why New Yorkers are on the streets at all hours. People don't want to stay inside for fear they'll go crazy.
-- Samantha Bee

#Crazy #Home #People
I am a cookbook fanatic.
-- Samantha Bee

#Cookbook
It's not every day people fly you to New York for auditions.
-- Samantha Bee

#New York #New Day #People
Sex with my first boyfriend was a little bit like learning how to put in a tampon, but only half as enjoyable!
-- Samantha Bee

#Sex #Half #Tampons
I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too.
-- Samantha Bee

#Birthday #Children #Hate
I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.
-- Samantha Bee

#Thinking #Information #Would Be
I think the show does better with newsmakers and politicians than it does with actors.
-- Samantha Bee

#Thinking #Actors #Doe
I think NASCAR's coming to Canada now so it'll take on a whole new relevance. Be afraid.
-- Samantha Bee

#Thinking #Canada #Nascar
I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.
-- Samantha Bee

#Believe #Order #News
I was totally unknown in the television and film industry in Canada.
-- Samantha Bee

#Canada #Television #Film
It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.
-- Samantha Bee

#Years
You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask.
-- Samantha Bee

#Willing
It's great when you have people who will speak passionately and honestly about what they are doing.
-- Samantha Bee

#People #Speak #Honestly
Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.
-- Samantha Bee

#Money #Judging

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