Joe E. Lewis famous quotes

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Drink

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Tired #Doctors #Pills

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Money #Nerves #Politics

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Glasses #Needs #Tables

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Funny #Camels #Drink

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Life #Youth #Enough

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Drinking #Dirty #Scotch

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Drinking #Loss #Two

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Horse #Water

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Men #Alcohol #Next

It pays to get drunk with the best people.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#People #Drunk #Alcohol

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Money #Poverty

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Golf #Play #Lows

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Maturity #Men #Feet

I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Mother #School #Differences

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Beer #Swim #Drink

We can afford almost any mistake once.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Mistake

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Men #Drunk #Alcohol

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#People #Genius #Right Time

Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Money #Believe #Boys

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Girl #Remember #Chasing

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Money #Long #Matter

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Drinking #Doctors

I drink to forget I drink.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Drinking #Forget #Drink

I always wake up at the crack of ice.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Drinking #Ice #Cracks

I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Gambling #Track #Way

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Taken #Losing #Given

Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Yankees #Steel

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Friendship #Needs #Pests

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.
-- Joe E. Lewis

#Bombs #Noise