Cathy Guisewite famous quotes

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Eye #Giving #Life Gives You Lemons

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Love #Funny #Mother

The story of a mother's life: Trapped between a scream and a hug.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mother #Hug #Stories

Every time I get something under control in my own life, the world provides more material.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Funny Life #World #Materials

Each of us wages a private battle each day between the grand fantasies we have for ourselves and what actually happens.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Reality #Battle #Wages

All parents believe their children can do the impossible. They thought it the minute we were born, and no matter how hard we've tried to prove them wrong, they all think it about us now. And the really annoying thing is, they're probably right.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Children #Believe #Thinking

One day, in 1982, for 15 minutes, my hair was perfect.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Hair #Perfect #One Day

Food ... love ... mother ... career ... Live every day to the fullest. Partake of the four basic guilt groups.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mother #Careers #Guilt

There are self-awareness groups, to help you discover who you really are ... encounter groups, to help you deal with who you really are ... assertiveness training groups to help you stand up for who you really are ... Suddenly, the only way to become an individual is to join a group.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Self #Training #Encounters

Now I'm searching for a slightly overweight, single, childless woman who doesn't have a date and isn't too depressing to be around. It's getting harder to find a girlfriend than a boyfriend.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Friends #Depressing #Girlfriend

This is a business meal. The calories do not count. I am mentally labeling these as 'business calories' so my body will know they were eaten in the line of duty and will process them differently.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Meals #Weight #Body

After 14 years of dieting, there are only two things I've never lost. Hope and weight.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Years #Two #Dieting

Men date. Women have relationships.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Men #Dating

Small wastebasket liners, $1.17 ... tall wastebasket liners, $2.29 ... garbage can liners, $3.98 ... I think I just spent $7.44 buying something I'm going to throw away.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Thinking #Buying #Garbage

I can't tell my conscience from my insecurities.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Insecurity #Conscience

Sometimes the best Christmas present is remembering what you've already got.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Christmas #Remember #Sometimes

Breaking up: It's so easy to return their possessions, but so hard to get our brain cells back.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Cells #Brain #Return

So often, happiness is the extent to which we balance our grandiose expectations with reality.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Happiness #Reality #Expectations

In the '80s, I thought I'd be a success as a woman if I were the president of a billion dollar company, had a sensitive soul-mate husband, two bilingual children, buns of steels, and a compost heap. In the '90s, I pretty much feel I'm a success if I can get through the afternoon without eating a cheesecake.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Husband #Children #Two

I understand the sensitivities of grown children with little ones of their own!! They'll turn away a mother full of advice, but they'll never say no to one holding a mop.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mother #Children #Advice

I've found it's better to talk to the machine and hang up if I get the person.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Machines #Found #Persons

Where's my tax form? Where's the file that's supposed to hold my W-2 form and interest statement? Where's the mileage log I specifically asked be kept last year?? Where's the monthly check summary? And who's been stuffing Visa receipts in the aluminum foil drawer??!! How embarrassing. I'm surrounded by idiots and I'm the only one in the office.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Years #Office #Aluminum

I was going to sip on a diet soda, but a little voice convinced me I needed the extra calcium from a cup of hot chocolate.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Voice #Chocolate #Hot

Wake me up when I'm a size 5.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Weight #Size

Men should come with instruction booklets.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Men #Instruction #Should

[On men:] I'm torn between wanting to have one and wanting to be one.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Men #Torn

My heart always belongs to the one who doesn't want it.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Heart #Want #My Heart

A young bride can put on makeup at 6 in the morning and look fabulous at midnight. I have about a 15-minute window where I actually look good, and then I have to wash my face and start over.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Morning #Makeup #Starting Over

There are only two secrets to a slimmer shape ... High heels and shoulder pads!
-- Cathy Guisewite

#High Heels #Two #Secret

Cartooning is a wonderful career, and I'd like more women to get to have it. I can't think of any reason why we won't see more syndicated female cartoonists in the future.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Thinking #Careers #Female

The specific story line that people have responded to the most has been the horror of bathing suit shopping.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Shopping #People #Stories

Mothers send strips to daughters to make a point. Daughters smack strips down on the breakfast table to make a point. My own mom sometimes cuts a strip out and sends it to me to make sure I understand her.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mom #Daughter #Mother

Imagine my surprise when, after a lifetime of teaching me to keep personal things to myself, Mom insisted my drawings were the start of a comic strip for millions of people to enjoy.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mom #Teaching #Drawing

Cathy was the first widely syndicated humor strip created by a woman. The strip was pretty revolutionary at the time not only because it starred a female, but also because it was so emotionally honest about all the conflicting feelings many women had in 1976.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Humor #Feelings #Female

The relationship between Cathy and Mom in the strip is the one relationship drawn from real life that I have proudly never even tried to disguise.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mom #Real #Hypnosis

I'm more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Funny Life #Mean #Successful

I'd love to see more equal representation of female and male cartoonists on the comics page.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Glowing #Males #Female

I'm married, which means that instead of occasionally wondering about men from afar, I actually live with one and can be constantly astounded by the strange male brain.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mean #Men #Brain

I'm lucky that my real-life Mom has both a great sense of humor about herself and an amazing ability to slip into complete denial if the subject matter gets a little too close to home.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mom #Real #Home

Because the majority of my readers are women, I feel that one public service I can provide to them is to spread the message of regular mammograms and early detection within the strip.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Majority #Mammograms #Messages

My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Dog #Thinking #Secret

Everyday is a new beginning and a chance to blow it.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Life Lesson #New Beginnings #Blow

I have an office in my house and one about five minutes from my house. I worked solely out of my house for many years, but find, with children, that I have to be in a different ZIP code to think.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Children #Thinking #Years

In 1976 I wrote a lot about women trying to claim the right to work.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Trying #Claims

I'm most proud of having created something that men never completely get.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Men #Proud

Animal welfare issues have always been important to me.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Animal #Issues #Important

What happened to the good old days of "Woman as passive recipient?" What happened to being courted? What happened to sitting back under a parasol and granting someone a chance to try to win us over?
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Winning #Trying #Sitting

All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mother #Intuition

Otherwise, my whole career has just been flinging myself at whatever is most overdue first and letting everything else stack up.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Letting Go #Careers #Firsts

A lot of married people certainly have wonderful relationships with their dogs, but when you're single and your dog is the only other living thing in your house, it's a really special relationship which I wanted CATHY to have.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Dog #People #House

My mother had always taught me to write about my feelings instead of sharing really personal things with others, so I spent many evenings writing in my diary, eating everything in the kitchen and waiting for Mr. Wrong to call.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Mother #Writing #Waiting

The biggest change in my life is that I now have to apologize for being thin.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Apology #Apologizing #Life Is

Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.
-- Cathy Guisewite

#Funny #Witty #Humorous