Jenny Lawson famous quotes

Even at age 10, I already knew that I was different from most people. My anxiety disorder was still years from being diagnosed, but it affected me quite deeply. I was too afraid to speak out in class, too nervous to make real friends.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Real #Class #Years

Knock-knock, motherfucker.
-- Jenny Lawson

A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there." And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Lucky #Body #Helping

I try to be appreciative of what I have instead of bitter about what I’ve lost.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Trying #Bitter #Appreciative

No," I replied testily. "I'm pretty sure 'digital' is Latin for 'fingeral,' so finger cancer equals digital cancer. This is all basic anatomy, Dr. Roland." The Dr. Roland told me that he thought I was overreacting, and the "fingeral" wasn't even a real word. Then I told him that I though he was underreacting, probably because he's embarrassed that he doesn't know how Latin works. Then he claimed that "underrecating" isn't a word either. The man has a terrible bedside manner.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Latin #Real #Cancer

When I was in junior high I read a lot of Danielle Steele. So I always assumed that the day I got engaged I'd be naked, covered in rose petals, and sleeping with the brother of the man who'd kidnapped me.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Brother #Sleep #Men

It's true, I did say I wanted girlfriends," I capitulated hesitantly, "but couldn't we start with something smaller and less terrifying? Like maybe spend a weekend at a crack house? I heard those people are very nonjudgmental, and if you accidentally say something offensive you can just blame it on their hallucinations.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Girlfriend #Weekend #People

When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Bars #Firsts #Drink

A house should look lived in, and I consider it clean as long as I don't stick to it and it doesn't give me cholera.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Long #Giving #House

...you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Imperfect #Moments #Reactions

Meanwhile, I was doodling pictures of vampiric cougars.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Doodling #Cougars

Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. And because there is joy in embracing - rather than running from - the utter absurdity of life.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Running #Joy #Imperfect

I picked up the phone to call the police, but then I considered how it would sound when I told them that I was calling from inside my bathroom, where I’d OD’ed on laxatives, and that a possible rapist was quietly passing me notes under the bathroom door.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Phones #Doors #Police

The first thing I do when I come home is check the refrigerator for cats because I'm convinced that if one dies, my husband will hide it in there because I don't cook and so I won't see it. I do drink Cokes, though ,so technically he should hide the corpse in the oven. And now I need to start checking the oven.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Husband #Home #Cat

People assume that because I'm a girl and my blog is hot pink that my readership is 90% women, but it's not. It's probably only about 65%. When I do tours, it's pretty much the same thing: it's about one-third guys.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Girl #People #Guy

It's interesting with my blog, because it feels to me less like a blog and more like a forum, because my readers are so funny and leave hysterical comments. And I'm not being humble when I say that very often, the comments are so much better than the post originally was.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Humble #Interesting #Hysterical

If you could hear the insane stuff going on in my head, it would scare the hell out of you. Probably. Or fascinate you. Depends on how easily you're startled, I guess.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Insane #Scare #Stuff

I once threw myself a surprise party on Twitter because I was lonely. It was awesome. Thousands of people showed up and then Wil Wheaton and I made a bunch of monkey-ponies. It was the most successful surprise party I've ever thrown in my life. It was also the only surprise party I've ever thrown in my whole life.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Lonely #Party #Successful

Having your book edited is like watching your cat being operated on. It's uncomfortable and someone is probably going to get hurt. Most likely the cat. But in the end, things work out for the best and your cat is better it. And then your cat gets released in hardcover, and you have to read all of his reviews.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Hurt #Book #Cat

The hardest thing to write was explaining what anxiety feels like. Every time I'd try to really write about what it feels like to have an anxiety attack, I would actually have an anxiety attack. It was good material but so incredibly uncomfortable.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Writing #Anxiety #Trying

When I was young, my family didn't go on outings to the circus or trips to Disneyland. We couldn't afford them. Instead, we stayed in our small rural West Texas town, and my parents took us to cemeteries.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Texas #Parent #Goes On

Writing is my therapy. In addition to my real therapy. God knows where I'd be without it. I'd probably still be at my last job, working in HR at a religious organization. I was horribly miscast.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Religious #Jobs #Real

If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both.
-- Jenny Lawson

#School #Cheerleader #Psychopath

[On acupuncture:] The needles are small and won't hurt at all. In fact, they'll feel good. Ha, ha! Just kidding. They feel like needles. Because they are.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Hurt #Health #Feel Good

Grandpa did everything at his own pace, a speed that my sister and I referred to as 'when snails attack.' ... My grandparents' house was only about ten miles from ours, but the ride there would necessitate sandwiches packed for the trip, and several books to keep us occupied.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Book #Grandpa #House

When I was little, my father used to sell guns and ammo at a sporting goods store, but I always told everyone he was an arms dealer, because it sounded more exciting.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Father #Gun #Arms

the most terribly human moments - the ones we want to pretend never happened - are the very moments that make us who we are today. ... You are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Want #Who We Are #Today

A hug is like a strangle you haven't finished yet.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Hug #Affection

I very much own the fact that I'm a misfit. The Internet makes everyone realize they're screwed up.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Facts #Realizing #Internet

I had no idea how complicated and solitary it could be to write a simple book.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Book #Writing #Simple

I was having problems with depression and anxiety disorder, and it felt like not blogging about it was creating a false history. When I did finally share the problems I was having, I was shocked - not only by the support that was given to me, but also by the incredible amount of people who admitted they struggled with the same thing.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Creating #People #Support

I'm pretty sure 'ferral cats' is code for 'vampire cougars.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Cat #Vampire #Cougars

...and whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Cramps

I can finally see that all the terrible parts of my life, the embarrassing parts, the incidents I wanted to pretend never happened, and the things that make me "weird" and "different," were actually the most important parts of my life. They were the parts that made me ME.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Important #Different #Embarrassing

I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both "Great and Terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains
-- Jenny Lawson

#Wizards #Sometimes #Curtains

Then I yelled through his door, "It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Two #Doors #Years

Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?
-- Jenny Lawson

#Mind #Homesick

That night I looked up at those same stars, but I didn't want any of those things. I didn't want Egypt, or France, or far-flung destinations. I just wanted to go back to my life from my childhood, just to visit it, and touch it, and to convince myself that yes, it had been real.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Stars #Real #Night

One ox, two oxen. One fox, two foxen.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Oxen #Two #Foxes

In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Xanax #Energy #Normal

One moment I'm perfectly fine and the next I feel a wave of nausea, then panic. Then I can't catch my breath and I know I'm about to lose control and all I want to do is escape. Except that the one thing I can't escape from is the very thing I want to run away from... me.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Running #Panic #Next

...pretty much everyone hates high school. It's a measure of your humanity, I suspect. If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both. Those things aren't mutually exclusive, you know. I've tried to block out the memory of my high school years, but no matter how hard you try, it's always with you, like an unwanted hitchhiker. Or herpes. I assume...
-- Jenny Lawson

#Memories #Hate #Block

But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Choices #Childhood #Lines

High School Is Life’s Way of Giving You a Record Low to Judge the Rest of Your Life By)
-- Jenny Lawson

#School #Giving #Judging

It’s amazing how much you’re missing in a depressive state until you start to come out on the other side. It’s like breathing again after being underwater for far too long
-- Jenny Lawson

#Breathing #Long #Missing

YOU are using a frisbee as a plate." "Uh, what? I'm not using a--oh hang on, this is a frisbee. Weird." Victor glared at me. "Dude, calm down, I'll wash it afterward. It's probably dishwasher safe.
-- Jenny Lawson

#Safe #Calm #Dishwashers