Carol Leifer famous quotes

03-18-2025

Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
-- Carol Leifer

#Morning #Sex #Funny Marriage
I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.
-- Carol Leifer

#Mom #Mad #Desire
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
-- Carol Leifer

#Pain #Philosophy #Work Out
Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one except the Lord."
-- Carol Leifer

#Travel #Sitting #Way
Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.
-- Carol Leifer

#Beautiful #Self #Authentic Self
My father was a huge influence on me.
-- Carol Leifer

#Father #Influence
My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.
-- Carol Leifer

#Kings #Children #Father
My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.
-- Carol Leifer

#Gay #Kind
There are so many opportunities that I could've gotten before if I had just took a little more of a risk.
-- Carol Leifer

#Opportunity #Risk #Littles
There were very few women comics when I started out doing stand-up. But I always saw that as a great advantage.
-- Carol Leifer

#Saws #Advantage
My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
-- Carol Leifer

#Father #Long #Guy
My kind of gay, meeting a woman and falling in love, is a different experience because it wasn't anything about 'Oh, I've always been gay and I'm breaking the chains.
-- Carol Leifer

#Falling In Love #Gay #Love Is
Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.
-- Carol Leifer

#Girl #Father #Acceptance
When you're single again, at the beginning you're very optimistic and you say, 'I want to meet someone who's really smart, really sweet, really sensitive.' And six months later you're like, 'Lord, any mammal with a day job.
-- Carol Leifer

#Sweet #Jobs #Smart
My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'
-- Carol Leifer

#Father #Guy #Kind
My stand-up act is very clean.
-- Carol Leifer
I've seen too many comics who got their own shows and were undone because they worked for an executive producer who didn't understand their comedy or their sensibility.
-- Carol Leifer

#Comedy #Undone #Producers
It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.
-- Carol Leifer

#Funny #Men #Humans
All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.
-- Carol Leifer

#Men #Decision #Stuff
As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.
-- Carol Leifer

#Rejection #Environment #Fear Of Rejection
I always say to women, 'Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you.
-- Carol Leifer

#Unique #Minorities #Facts
I cried when I turned 34 for no other reason than 34 sounded old to me at the time.
-- Carol Leifer

#Reason
I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it.
-- Carol Leifer

#Want #Feels
I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it.
-- Carol Leifer

#Children
I think what I would say to my younger self, and probably to younger, just starting-out writers is that a lot of times you're just afraid to put yourself out there, and it's uncomfortable because it's working up the courage to do something, to push yourself to do those things.
-- Carol Leifer

#Thinking #Self #Starting
I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.
-- Carol Leifer

#Philosophy #Simple #Fans
I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.
-- Carol Leifer

#Cojones #Passing #Worthwhile
Some people have their marriages annulled, which means they never existed. Boy, talk about denial! What do you say when people see your wedding album? 'Oh that was just some play I was in.
-- Carol Leifer

#Mean #Boys #Play

You may also like:

Ben Schwartz
Actor
Bill Maher
Comedian
Billy Crystal
Actor
Cathy Ladman
Comedian
Cindy Chupack
Screenwriter
David Letterman
Talk show host
Elayne Boosler
Comedian
Ellen DeGeneres
Comedian
Jason Alexander
Actor
Jeff Cesario
Actor
Jerry Seinfeld
Comedian
Jerry Stiller
Comedian
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Actress
Larry David
Actor
Louis C. K.
Comedian
Michael Richards
Actor
Paul Reiser
Comedian
Steven Levitan
Screenwriter
Summer Sanders
Swimmer
Wendy Liebman
Comedian