Victor Borge famous quotes

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge

#Funny #Christmas #Witty

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
-- Victor Borge

#Inspirational #Cute #Relationship

In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite.
-- Victor Borge

#Dream #Heaven #Masters

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.
-- Victor Borge

#Funny #Sarcastic #Money

I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.
-- Victor Borge

#Mind #Growing #Aging

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.
-- Victor Borge

#Music #Air #Order

I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?
-- Victor Borge

#Music #Eggs #Elevators

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
-- Victor Borge

#Funny #Sarcastic #Sarcasm

I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.
-- Victor Borge

#Request

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.
-- Victor Borge

#Funny #Sarcastic #Stars

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.
-- Victor Borge

#Two #Towns #Three

(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?
-- Victor Borge

#Piano #Shapes #Opera

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
-- Victor Borge

#Funny #Sarcastic #Witty

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.
-- Victor Borge

#Piano #People #Arms

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.
-- Victor Borge

#Music #Symphony #Scotch

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.
-- Victor Borge

#Youth #Found #Wanted

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?
-- Victor Borge

#Responding #Audience

It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.
-- Victor Borge

#Music #Snakes #India

They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.
-- Victor Borge

#Music #Fire #Nero

Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.
-- Victor Borge

#Music #War #Critics

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.
-- Victor Borge

#Funny #Sarcastic #Children

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.
-- Victor Borge

#Father #Home #Years

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.
-- Victor Borge

#Two #Piano #People

The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.
-- Victor Borge

#Jobs #Essence #Important

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.
-- Victor Borge

#Music #Player #Peculiar

Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.
-- Victor Borge

#Book #Reading #Upset

(Shortly after Germany forced Denmark to sign a non-aggression pact in 1939) How nice. Now the Germans can sleep in peace, knowing that they will not be invaded by us.
-- Victor Borge

#Nice #Sleep #Knowing

The first piano was built long after they didn't have any at all.
-- Victor Borge

#Piano #Long #Firsts

There is a bit of Hans Christian Andersen in every Dane.
-- Victor Borge

#Christian

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.
-- Victor Borge

#Humor #Men #Logic

When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.
-- Victor Borge

#Father #Hate #Boys

I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.
-- Victor Borge

#Mother #Piano #Play

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.
-- Victor Borge

#Happiness #Laughter #Joy

Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.
-- Victor Borge

#Three #Flats #Moved

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.
-- Victor Borge

#Piano #White #Elephants

...the elephant smoked too much.
-- Victor Borge

#Music #Elephants #Too Much

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.
-- Victor Borge

#Happiness #Remember #Never Forget

A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.
-- Victor Borge

#Smile #Curves

My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.
-- Victor Borge

#Mother #Father #Disease

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.
-- Victor Borge

#Two #Pieces

What is the difference between a Nazi and a dog?The Nazi lifts his arm.
-- Victor Borge

#Dog #Differences #Arms