Ray Romano famous quotes

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.
-- Ray Romano

#Children #Sleep #Parenting

If you are someone, you know, with fame, whatever amount, it's good to be married to someone who's not impressed with that at all.
-- Ray Romano

#Married #Fame #Being Married

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
-- Ray Romano

#Funny #Sleep #Kids

Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.
-- Ray Romano

#Boys #Littles #Causes

I don't want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they're producing and creating.
-- Ray Romano

#Creating #Who I Am #People

If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.
-- Ray Romano

#Golf #Games #Wonder

I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.
-- Ray Romano

#Students #Get Money #Loan

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.
-- Ray Romano

#Inspirational #Mother #Apology

I married a saint - well, a saint who curses.
-- Ray Romano

#Saint #Married #Curse

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.
-- Ray Romano

#Mirrors #Guy #Immature

I still got my hair, I'm not fat.
-- Ray Romano

#Hair #Fats #Stills

I want to do well and I want to fit in.
-- Ray Romano

#Want #Fit #Wells

I was wracked with insecurity.
-- Ray Romano

#Insecurity

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.
-- Ray Romano

#Fathers Day #Father #Hug

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.
-- Ray Romano

#Insecure #Insecurity #Want

I have this mistress: show business.
-- Ray Romano

#Mistress #Show Business #Shows

You don't want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want to play a different character.
-- Ray Romano

#Character #Play #Opposites

After 'Raymond,' there was this big feeling of, 'What do I do next?'
-- Ray Romano

#Feelings #Next #Bigs

I do still get intimidated by certain things.
-- Ray Romano

#Certain #Stills #Intimidated

I do what I do because I love it.
-- Ray Romano

I can't complain about my career, that's for sure.
-- Ray Romano

#Careers #Complaining

Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity..
-- Ray Romano

#Baby #Children #Kids

If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.
-- Ray Romano

#Sex #Sorry #Lying

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.
-- Ray Romano

#Marriage #Kings #Successful

People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.
-- Ray Romano

#Thinking #People #Parent

Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. 'What is my purpose? Who am I?' I had a big identity crisis.
-- Ray Romano

#Attitude #Oysters #Identity

That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.
-- Ray Romano

#Marriage #Dream #Couple

People are going to see both of us and think it's an Abbott and Costello kind of thing. It's not an easy switch. It's not an easy transition from TV to film.
-- Ray Romano

#Thinking #People #Tvs

Failure-it centers me. Too much success has me thinking, All right, what's goin' on?
-- Ray Romano

#Failure #Thinking #Too Much

My wife gets so jealous. She came home from work and was mad at me because there was a pretty girl on the bus she thought I would have liked.
-- Ray Romano

#Girl #Home #Jealous

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life.
-- Ray Romano

#Humor #Talking #Drawing

I have this mistress: show business. I get a lot of love and adulation from outside, and [my wife] lets me have that, while she does all the real-life stuff that counts — making sure the kids are going to school and all that. I married a saint — well, a saint who curses.
-- Ray Romano

#Real #School #Kids

In a way, comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the better you think you're doing.
-- Ray Romano

#Sex #Thinking #Noise

Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters.
-- Ray Romano

#Flappers #Sound #Waitress

When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again." Congratulations, you're ready (to have children).
-- Ray Romano

#Baby #Sex #Children

The only thing I miss from the sitcom format is that immediate gratification of when you're, if we're talking about comedy, of the live audience.
-- Ray Romano

#Talking #Missing #Comedy

Well, I'm a 14 handicap. Anyone who golfs knows what that means.
-- Ray Romano

#Mean #Handicaps #Wells

The first time I played golf was in Flushing Meadows, Queens, when I was about 16 or 17. They had an 18-hole pitch-and-putt. My buddies and I would hop the fence and sneak on and play.
-- Ray Romano

#Queens #Golf #Play

The successful golfers - they're like astronauts or pilots. They have that demeanor that they can focus and stay within that one moment and nothing distracts them. That's not me.
-- Ray Romano

#Successful #Focus #Pilots

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.
-- Ray Romano

#Morning #Love You #Apples

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform..
-- Ray Romano

#Baby #Children #Kids

I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong..
-- Ray Romano

#Baby #Children #Kids

The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out.
-- Ray Romano

#Drama #Balance #Comedy

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.
-- Ray Romano

#Want #Way #Family Values

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.
-- Ray Romano

#Dream #Apology #Apologizing

I just don't want to play the same guy again over and over.
-- Ray Romano

#Play #Guy #Want

I like doing film, you know, single-camera.
-- Ray Romano

#Cameras #Film

I lived at home till I was 29.
-- Ray Romano

#Home

I love standup and I haven't given it up.
-- Ray Romano

#Given

I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.
-- Ray Romano

#New York #Las Vegas #Weather

Nothing like a little chest pain to restore your faith.
-- Ray Romano

#God #Pain #Humorous

If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can just do the same character over and over again and make a different comedy like over and over again.
-- Ray Romano

#Smart #Character #Different

I don't think men talk as much as women, but when we have something on our minds we'll get it out.
-- Ray Romano

#Thinking #Men #Mind

I had a very Italian house - the "plastic furniture you couldn't sit on" house. Did anybody have the museum house? For a kid it's traumatic. Towels you can never touch. China no one's ever gonna use. Everything is for a special occasion that never happens. My mother was waiting for the Pope to show up for dinner. Or Sinatra. Or Chachi.
-- Ray Romano

#Mother #Kids #Italian

I've had people say to me, 'Look at the sky, the fields, the ocean, the beautiful sunset. Isn't that proof positive of God?' Following that line of thought, look at the magnificent rainbows after a big rainstorm. Isn't that proof positive that God is gay?
-- Ray Romano

#Beautiful #God #Ocean

My daughter's tricycle said "Some Assembly Required." It came in a jar.
-- Ray Romano

#Daughter #Jars #Said