Randy Glasbergen famous quotes

What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Exercise #Schedules #Busy

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Loss #Calling #Half

I think men were destined to become homemakers. After all, who ever heard of "Ms. Clean" or the "Woman from Glad"?
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Sex #Men #Thinking

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Tattoo #Humorous #Thinking

These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it.
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Funny Inspirational #Writing #Symphony

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Funny Work #Company #Feels

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Funny #Calling #Hot

It's called 'reading'.  It's how people install new software into their brains.
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Reading #People #Brain

It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Reading #People #Brain

I learned about stress management from my kids. Every night after work, I drink some chocolate milk, eat sugary cereal straight from the box, then run around the house in my underwear screaming like a monkey.
-- Randy Glasbergen

#Running #Stress #Kids