"Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times."

-- Randy Glasbergen

#Loss Quotes #Calling Quotes #Half Quotes

“I'm not scared of snakes, spiders or heights. I have three children; as a mum, you can't be afraid of things like that.”
“We are trying to persuade all the Iraqi opposition to come breathe freedom in Iraq and use liberated Kurdistan as a base for our common struggle.”

Source : "Kurds Organizing Anti-Hussein Forces - Sidebar For a Quiet Colonel, A Moving Role as Santa Claus". Boston Globe, October 25, 1992.
“If you can compete, you are going to compete”
“The greatest sex toy ever invented may be the telephone. Sometimes there's nothing more erotic than a disembodied voice, no question more tantalizing than a whispered 'What are you wearing?' Especially when you can make up the answer. On the phone your hair always looks great, your legs are always shaved, your worst pair of underwear becomes a silk negligee.”
“You made a point about proof. In this sort of history we do nt have proof... Yet... the incontrovertibility of the evidence can be plain even when it is not documentary or complete.”
“He was feeling totally lost, leaving his family and country for a place where he knew nobody and didn't even speak the language.”
“I did rocks, all this dumb stuff. But now it's just trying to stay afloat and just get through the days.”
“Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to people watch. And I got to a touristy area and I play this game I just made up. I call it Lesbian or Midwestern?”

You may also like:

Jeffrey Gitomer
Author
Mark Fiore
Political cartoonist
Ted Rall
Cartoonist