Gail Carriger famous quotes

It's no good choosing your first husband from a school for evil geniuses. Much too difficult to kill.
-- Gail Carriger

#Husband #School #Evil

I suspect it may be like the difference between a drinker and an alcoholic; the one merely reads books, the other needs books to make it through the day.
-- Gail Carriger

#Book #Differences #Needs

I am rather fond of ladybugs. They are so delightfully hemispherical.
-- Gail Carriger

#Ladybugs

How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all.
-- Gail Carriger

#Thinking #Doors #People

She took a moment to lament her lack of parasol. Every time she left the house, she felt keenly the absence of her heretofore ubiquitous accessory.
-- Gail Carriger

#House #Accessories #Moments

The door was locked and Alexia, resourceful as she was, had not yet learned to pick locks. Though she mentally added it to her list of useful skills she needed to acquire along with hand-to-hand combat and the recipe for pesto. If her life were to continue on its present track which after 26 years of obscurity, now seemed to mainly involve people trying to kill her, it would appear that acquiring a less savory skill set might be necessary. Although she supposed pesto making ought to be termed 'more savory'.
-- Gail Carriger

#Doors #Hands #Years

As with most things in life, Lady Maccon preferred the civilized exterior to the dark underbelly (with the exception of pork products, of course.)
-- Gail Carriger

#Dark #Pork #Exception

Oh, Professor Lyall, are you making a funny? It doesn’t suit you.” The sandy-haired Beta gave Lady Maccon a dour look. “I am exploring new personality avenues.” “Well, stop it.” “Yes, my lady.
-- Gail Carriger

#Personality #Looks #Suits

Lord Maccon, might we have words on the proper tying of a cravat? For my sanity’s sake? Lord Maccon was nonplussed. Professor Lyall, on the other hand, was pained. “I do what I can.” Lord Akeldama looked at him, pity in his eyes. “You are a brave man.
-- Gail Carriger

#Eye #Men #Hands

She was no closer to determining who might want her dead. There were just too many possibilities.
-- Gail Carriger

#Want #Might #Possibility

At such close range, even she could hit a vampire full force in the shoulder, surprising him considerably. He paused in his attack. “Well, my word! You can’t threaten me, you’re pregnant!
-- Gail Carriger

#Vampire #Range #Force

Felicity grimaced in agreement. “No, you are perfectly correct. I did not realize how vital the approbation of one’s butler is in allowing for nocturnal autonomy.
-- Gail Carriger

#Agreement #Nocturnal #Realizing

Alexia had found pregnancy relatively manageable, up to a point. That point having been some three weeks ago, at which juncture her natural reserves of control gave way to sentimentality. Only yesterday she had ended breakfast sobbing over the fried eggs because they looked at her funny. The pack had spent a good half hour trying to find a way to pacify her. Her husband was so worried he looked to start crying himself.
-- Gail Carriger

#Husband #Pregnancy #Yesterday

I miss him, my lady.” “Well, he is now living adjacent. You can hardly miss him all that much.” “True. But we are no longer compatible—I am a werewolf; he is a vampire.” “So?” “So we cannot dance the same dance we used to.” Biffy was so sweet when he tried to be circumspect. Alexia shook her head at him. “Biffy, and I mean this in the kindest way possible: then you should change the music.” “Very good, my lady.
-- Gail Carriger

#Sweet #Mean #Missing

One should do what one is best at on as large a scale as possible.
-- Gail Carriger

#Should #Scales

Past persons of Scottishness in contact with mastermind of supernatural persuasion in London, aka Agent Doom.’ Floote moved on to the third bit of paper. “ ‘Lady K says Agent Doom assisted depraved Plan of Action. May have all been his idea.’ Moving on to the last one, he read out, "Summer permits Scots to expose more knee than lady of refinement should have to withstand. Hairmuffs much admired. Yours etc., Puff Bonnet.
-- Gail Carriger

#Summer #Moving #Past

Captain Niall, having apparently resigned himself to losing his quarry, was savaging her horsehair petticoat into teeny, tiny shreds. "Really, what did my poor petticoat do to offend?
-- Gail Carriger

#Captains #Tiny #Losing

Lord Akeldama sighed. 'You lovebirds, how will I endure such flirtations constantly in my company? How déclassé, Lord Maccon, to love your own wife.
-- Gail Carriger

#Class #Wife #Lord

I Preserve the nonviable embryo in formaldehyde for future study. Lord Maccon has been drinking my samples. When confronted, he admitted to be enjoying both the refreshing beverage and the 'crunchy pickled snack' as well. I was not pleased" (Professor Lyall to Madame Lefoux)
-- Gail Carriger

#Drinking #Snacks #Beverages

He dinna act like an Alpha." "He does in some areas.
-- Gail Carriger

#Doe #Alphas

Spin the parasol three times and repeat after me: I shield in the name of fashion. I accessorize for one and all. Pursuit of truth is my passion. This I vow by the great parasol.
-- Gail Carriger

#Fashion #Passion #Names

Well, my love,” said Alexia with prodigious daring to Lord Maccon, “shall we?” The earl started to move forward and then stopped abruptly and looked down at her, not moving at all. “Am I?” “Are you what?” She peeked up at him through her tangled hair, pretending confusion. There was no possible way she was going to make this easy for him. “Your love?” “Well, you are a werewolf, Scottish, naked, and covered in blood, and I am still holding your hand.” He sighed in evident relief. “Good. That is settled, then.
-- Gail Carriger

#Moving Forward #Hair #Blood

I may be a werewolf and Scottish, but despite what you may have read about both, we are not cads!
-- Gail Carriger

#May #Cad #Scottish

Alexia figured, delightedly, that this meant he did, in fact, tend to traipse around his private apartments in the altogether. Marriage was becoming more and more of an attractive prospect.
-- Gail Carriger

#Facts #Becoming #Attractive

Tunstell, this is your Alpha speaking. Do as I tell you. You must regurgitate now. Regurgitation is an involuntary action. You cannot simply order me to do it,” replied Tunstell in a small voice. “I most certainly can. Besides which, you are an actor.” Tunstell grimaced. “I’ve never had cause to vomit onstage.
-- Gail Carriger

#Order #Voice #Actors

Really, Alexia, what could have possessed you to attach yourself to the side of the ship in such a juvenile fashion? It is positively barnacle-like.
-- Gail Carriger

#Fashion #Ships #Sides

Oh, Lady Maccon, I am unreservedly in love with her. That black hair, that sweet disposition, those capital hats.
-- Gail Carriger

#Sweet #Hair #Black

Alexia,” she hissed to her friend, “there are knees positively everywhere. What do I do?
-- Gail Carriger

#Knees #Positively

Ah, Lady Maccon, how lovely. I did wonder when you would track us down.” “I was unavoidably delayed by husbands and Ivys,” explained Alexia. “These things, regrettably, are bound to occur when one is married and befriended.
-- Gail Carriger

#Husband #Track #Lovely

What did you do?” “Well, you see, there was this pot of tea, simply sitting there…” He trailed off. “Useful thing, tea,” commented Lyall thoughtfully.
-- Gail Carriger

#Tea #Sitting #Pot

A woman, even a married woman, cannot float without proper escort. It is simply not done.
-- Gail Carriger

#Done #Married #Married Women

My petal. Westminster’s toy had tea issues. Thank Biffy and Lyall. Toodle pip. A.
-- Gail Carriger

#Issues #Tea #Toys

What’s wrong with you? Are you ill? I forbid you to be ill, wife.
-- Gail Carriger

#Wife #Ill

She moved with such purpose it was as though she walked with exclamation marks.
-- Gail Carriger

#Purpose #Mark #Exclamation

Why? I mean, why you? I can perfectly comprehend not liking my husband. I dislike him intensely most of the time.” Professor Lyall stifled a chuckle. “I am given to understand that he does not approve of spelling one’ s name with two ll’s. He finds it inexcusably Welsh. I suspect he may be quite taken with you, however.
-- Gail Carriger

#Husband #Taken #Mean

Lord Maccon, being Lord Maccon and good at such things, then changed, right there in the Thames, from dog-paddling wolf to large man treading water. He did so flawlessly, so that his head never went under the water. Professor Lyall suspected him of practicing such maneuvers in the bathtub.
-- Gail Carriger

#Dog #Men #Water

Professor Lyall, cursing his Alpha for departing so precipitously, balled up the piece of paper and, after minor consideration for the delicacy of the information it contained, ate it.
-- Gail Carriger

#Pieces #Paper #Delicacy

Really, Channing,” remonstrated Alexia, “did you have to eat the man’s dog? I am convinced you will experience terrible indigestion.
-- Gail Carriger

#Dog #Men #Terrible

Ah, no, deployment was delayed after you left. Technical difficulties.” “Oh?” “Yes, it was technically difficult to leave a heartbroken Alpha.
-- Gail Carriger

#Heartbroken #Deployment #Difficult

She poked him in the center of his chest with two fingers to punctuate her words. “You are an unfeeling”—poke —“traitorous”—poke—“mistrusting”—poke—“rude”—poke —“booby!” Every poke turned him mortal, but Lord Maccon didn’t seem to mind it in the least. Instead he grabbed the hand that poked him and brought it to his lips. “You put it very well, my love.
-- Gail Carriger

#Hands #Two #Rude

Such poopitations of the heart as you would not believe.
-- Gail Carriger

#Believe #Heart

Someone was trying to kill Lady Alexia Maccon. It was most inconvenient, as she was in a dreadful hurry. Given her previous familiarity with near-death experiences and their comparative frequency with regards to her good self, Alexia should probably have allowed extra time for such a predictable happenstance.
-- Gail Carriger

#Self #Trying #Should

But I don't want to be a vampire drone.' Sophronia winced. 'They'll suck my blood and make me wear only the very latest fashions.
-- Gail Carriger

#Fashion #Blood #Vampire

Here, I stole it for you. Why don’t you tell me what it’s for.” “Aw, Sophronia, how thoughtful. You brought me a present!
-- Gail Carriger

#Thoughtful

But we were talking about me and my problems." Sophronia looked Monique up and down gravely. "I don't think we're going to solve those in the space of one carriage ride.
-- Gail Carriger

#Thinking #Talking #Space

What do you want?" Sophronia was moved to exasperation. "Me? Stockings and breeches to come back in fashion. I do miss seeing a man's calves.
-- Gail Carriger

#Fashion #Men #Missing

Really, Sophronia, it makes me most uncomfortable how you manage to sort everything out every time I faint.
-- Gail Carriger

#Uncomfortable #Manage

If there is gossip to be garnered, garner it. If there are new dress styles to be imitated, imitate them. If there are hearts to be broken, break them. That's my girls.
-- Gail Carriger

#Girl #Heart #Broken

Miss Temminnick, you are in receipt of the highest marks we have ever given in a six-month review. Your mind seems designed for espionage. Nevertheless, you veer away from perfect in matters of etiquette. Do not let these marks go to your head; there are many girls at this school who are better than you. Our biggest concern is what you get up to when we are not watching. Because, if nothing else, this test has told us you are probably spying on us, as well as everyone around you.
-- Gail Carriger

#Girl #School #Perfect

I'd rather be loyal than right.
-- Gail Carriger

#Loyal

Professor Braithwope, shimmering out of his room fully clothed and dapper. His mustache was a fluffy caterpillar of curiosity, perched and ready to inquire, dragging the vampire along behind it on the investigation.
-- Gail Carriger

#Mustache #Curiosity #Vampire

A vampire, like a lady, never reveals his true age.
-- Gail Carriger

#Vampire #Age

Lord Maccon was built like a brick outhouse, with opinions twice as unmoving and often equally full of crap.
-- Gail Carriger

#Bricks #Opinion #Lord

How was I to know idiocy was only a temporary condition, especially in your case? It never has been before!
-- Gail Carriger

#Cases #Idiocy #Temporary

Who doesn’t want an exploding wicker chicken?
-- Gail Carriger

#Want #Chickens #Exploding

Lord Akeldama did so love to know all the gossip about the mundane world, but it was in the manner of a cat amusing himself among the butterflies without a need to interfere should their wings get torn off. They were only butterflies, after all.
-- Gail Carriger

#Butterfly #Cat #Wings

The duke contents himself mainly with attempting to rule the world and other suchlike nonsense. When one is guiding the patterns of the social universe, a single spinster preternatural is unlikely to cause one undue distress.
-- Gail Carriger

#World #Patterns #Causes

Poetry can cause irreparable harm when misapplied
-- Gail Carriger

#Causes #Harm #Irreparable

Lord Maccon reflected upon the state of his life wherein he had somehow gained a spouse who could not give a pig's foot for the latest dresses out of Paris but who whined about not owning an aethographic transmitter. Well, at least the two were comparable obsessions so far as expense was concerned.
-- Gail Carriger

#Pigs #Two #Paris

Quietly Sophronia added, "And the soot on my dress, sir?" "I didn't see anything." Professor Braithwope smiled down at her, showing a small hint of fang. Sophronia grinned back. "I'm glad we understand each other, sir." The vampire looked out into the night. "This is the right finishing school for you, isn't it, whot?" "Yes sir, I think it might very well be." "A piece of advice, Miss Temminnick?" "Sir?" "It is a great skill to have friends in low places. They, too, have things to teach you." "Now, sir, I thought you didn't see any soot.
-- Gail Carriger

#School #Night #Thinking

I love him so very much. As Romeo did Jugurtha, as Pyramid did Thirsty, as-" "Oh, please, no need to elaborate further," interjected Alexia, wincing. "But what would my family SAY to such a union?" "They would say that yours hats had leaked into your head," muttered Alexia, unheard under her breath.
-- Gail Carriger

#I Love Him #Pyramids #Needs

Ivy waved her wet handkerchief, as much as to say 'words cannot possibly articulate my profound distress'. Then, because Ivy never settled for meaningful gestures when verbal embellishments could compound the effect, she said, "Words cannot possibly articulate my profound distress.
-- Gail Carriger

#Meaningful #Ivy #Profound

There are words to describe her, my dear, but one does not repeat them in polite company.
-- Gail Carriger

#Doe #Polite #Dear

Biffy said, off the cuff, "Or we could find a replacement queen." "Volunteering for the position?" "Why, Professor, is that wittiness I detect?" "Only for you." "Charmer." Biffy tapped him on the arm playfully.
-- Gail Carriger

#Queens #Volunteer #Cuffs

I believe there is a considerable range in the bang of most guns.
-- Gail Carriger

#Believe #Gun #Bangs

He...boasted an unassuming mustache, which was perched atop his upper lip cautiously, as though it were slightly embarrassed to be there and would like to slide away and become a sideburn or something more fashionable.
-- Gail Carriger

#Mustache #Slides #Lips

It'll all end in tears and oil.
-- Gail Carriger

#Oil #Tears #Ends

What’s that?” she asked the girl, wrinkling her nose. “Oh, that? That’s just Pillover.” “And what’s a pillover, when it’s at home?” “My little brother.” “Ah, I commiserate. I have several of my own. Dashed inconvenient, brothers.
-- Gail Carriger

#Girl #Brother #Home

Isn't Bunson's training evil geniuses?" "Yes, mostly." "Well, is that wise? Having a mess of seedling evil geniuses falling in love with you willy-nilly? What if they feel spurned?" "Ah, but in the interim, think of the lovely gifts they can make you. Monique bragged that one of her boys made her silver and wood hair sticks as anti-supernatural weapons. With amethyst inlay. And another made her an exploding wicker chicken." "Goodness, what's that for?" Dimity pursed her lips. "Who doesn't want an exploding wicker chicken?
-- Gail Carriger

#Wise #Falling In Love #Love You

His eyes were jet-colored circles of perpetual disapproval.
-- Gail Carriger

#Eye #Circles #Disapproval

She had to give her teachers credit: they were right to insist all pupils carry scissors, handkerchiefs, perfume and hair ribbons at all times. At some point she'd learn why they also required a red lace doily and a lemon.
-- Gail Carriger

#Teacher #Hair #Giving

No one ever explained the octopuses.
-- Gail Carriger

#Octopus

The bowl landed, in glorious perfection, atop the head of Mrs Barnaclegoose, who was not the kind of woman to appreciate the finer points of being crowned by trifle.
-- Gail Carriger

#Appreciate #Perfection #Kind

I do not giggle without purpose. Lady Linette says you should never misapply a giggle.
-- Gail Carriger

#Purpose #Should #Giggle

Sophronia was minding her own business and running late to luncheon, as was her custom. She'd let to learn the advantage of punctuality. As she told Sister Mattie the third time she was late to household potions and poisons, nothing interesting happened until after an event commenced.
-- Gail Carriger

#Running #Interesting #Events

The important question is, what will your wear for a wedding dress, Alexia? You look horrible in white.
-- Gail Carriger

#White #Important #Dresses

And I find perfect beauty excessively boring, don't you?
-- Gail Carriger

#Perfect #Boring

Madame Lefoux shrugged. "I do not know about that, my lady. I mean to say, one's life is one thing; one's technology is an entirely different matter.
-- Gail Carriger

#Mean #Technology #Different

Oh, Herbert," she said pleadingly to her silent husband, "you must make him marry her! Call for the parson immediately! Look at them... they are...," she sputtered, "canoodling!
-- Gail Carriger

#Husband #Looks #Silent

She sifted, sighed, and stared up at the ceiling, trying to think about anything but Lord Maccoon, her current predicament, or Lord Akeldama's safety. Which meant she could do nothing but reflect on the complex plight of her mama's more recent embroidery project. Thins, in itself, was a worse torture than any her captors could devise.
-- Gail Carriger

#Thinking #Safety #Trying

Alexia blinked stupidly at the Beta from around the earl’s upper arm. Her heart was doing crazy things, and she still could not locate her kneecaps. She took a deep breath and put some serious attention into tracking them down.
-- Gail Carriger

#Crazy #Heart #Attention

The vampire's eyes were open, and he was staring at her intently. It was as though he were trying to speak to her with simply the power of a glare. Alexia did not speak glare-ish.
-- Gail Carriger

#Eye #Vampire #Trying

Ivy Hisselpenny was the unfortunate victim of circumstances that dictated she be only-just-pretty, only-just-wealthy, and possessed of a terrible propensity for wearing extremely silly hats.
-- Gail Carriger

#Silly #Ivy #Hats

Ah, Ivy, thought Alexia happily, spreading a verbal fog wherever she goes.
-- Gail Carriger

#Fog #Ivy

So, what do you think, my dear, will it be a girl or a boy?” “It will be a soul-stealer, apparently.” “What!” The earl reared away from his wife and looked down at her suspiciously.
-- Gail Carriger

#Girl #Boys #Thinking

I kissed her," he explained, aggrieved. "Mmm, yes, I had the dubious pleasure of witnessing that, ah-hem, overly public occurrence." Lyall sharpened his pen nib, using a small copper blade that ejected from the end of his glassicals. "Well! Why hasn't she done anything about it?" the Alpha wanted to know. "You mean like whack you upside the noggin with that deadly parasol of hers? I would be cautious in that area if I were you.
-- Gail Carriger

#Mean #Dubious #Would Be

The voice was low and tinged with a hint of Scotland. It would have caused Alexia to shiver and think primal monkey thoughts about moons and running far and fast, if she'd had a soul. Instead it caused her to sigh in exasperation and sit up.
-- Gail Carriger

#Running #Moon #Thinking

As if being a former vampire drone in a werewolf household were not shocking enough, the maid then opened her mouth and proved that she was also, quite reprehensibly, French.
-- Gail Carriger

#Vampire #Drones #Mouths

Alexia, did you know there is an entire regiment decamping on your front lawn? Laddy Maccon sighed. "Really, Ivy, I would never have noticed.
-- Gail Carriger

#Ivy #Lawns

Floote, what is going on? Do they think I am contagious? Should I assure them I was born with a nose this size?
-- Gail Carriger

#Thinking #Noses #Size

Why did you want to go and distract me like that? I was quite in my element and everything.' Conall laughed. 'Someone has to keep you off balance; otherwise you'll end up ruling the empire. Or at least ordering it into wretched submission.
-- Gail Carriger

#Balance #Elements #Want

[She] lost her patience, a thing she was all too prone to misplacing.
-- Gail Carriger

#Lost

Later on Lady Maccon was to describe that particular day as the worst of her life. She had neither the soul nor the romanticism to consider childbirth magical or emotionally transporting. So far as she could gather it mostly involved pain indignity and mess. There was nothing engaging or appealing about the process. And as she told her husband firmly she intended never to go through it again.
-- Gail Carriger

#Pain #Husband #Soul

Why Alexia that is quite beautiful. It does ot reflect your customary taste at all approved Miss Hisselpenny with glee. Trust Ivy to like the hideous thing for it's looks.
-- Gail Carriger

#Beautiful #Ivy #Missing

...Tunstell was not what one could describe as call subtle. His flaming red hair bobbed up with each pointed and articulated footstep as though he were some cloaked Gothic villain creeping across a stage.
-- Gail Carriger

#Hair #Red #Gothic

He nuzzled in at her neck kissing and licking her softly just below her ear. “Just a moment ” he said. “I need a small reminder that you are here you are whole and you are mine.
-- Gail Carriger

#Kissing #Needs #Ears

Alexia gave in to his demanding touch, but only, of course, because he sounded so pathetic. It had nothing, whatsoever to do with her own quickening heartbeat.
-- Gail Carriger

#Heartbeat #Quickening #Pathetic

Alexia had spent long hours wondering over that mustache. Werewolves did not grow hair, as they did not age. Where had it come from? Had he always had it? For how many centuries had his poor abused upper lip labored under the burden of such vegetation?
-- Gail Carriger

#Hair #Long #Mustache

I believe the defining moment was when certain persons, who shall remain nameless, objected to my fuchsia silk striped waistcoat. I loved that waistcoat. I put my foot down, right then and there; I do not mind telling you!" To punctuate his deeply offended feelings, he stamped one silver-and-pearl-decorated high heel firmly. "No one tells me what I can and cannot wear!" He snapped up a lace fan from where it lay on a hall table and fanned himself vigorously with it for emphasis.
-- Gail Carriger

#Believe #High Heels #Feet

She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappropriate future moment.
-- Gail Carriger

#Insulting #Inappropriate #Moments