Brian Posehn famous quotes

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.
-- Brian Posehn

#Culture #Comic #Used

I got into Kiss before I got into anybody. The first thing I heard was Detroit Rock City. I heard it in the school library, where I lived.
-- Brian Posehn

#School #Kissing #Rocks

I was such a weird kid. The really hardcore stuff like Venom - I was totally aware of them, and I listened to some of it - but they actually frightened me.
-- Brian Posehn

#Kids #Stuff #Hardcore

Once I could drive, I spent all my time in the city going to metal shows. I missed the first couple of Metallica shows because I was lame. By the time I got into them, they were playing places like the Kabuki.
-- Brian Posehn

#Couple #Cities #Lame

I wanted to be a vet before I got into comedy, but then once I found out how much gore goes into that job, I wanted nothing to do with it.
-- Brian Posehn

#Jobs #Vets #Comedy

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.
-- Brian Posehn

#Thinking #Want #Kind

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.
-- Brian Posehn

#Thinking #Want #Reflecting

Turns out, theres not a lot of information about pickles on the Internet.
-- Brian Posehn

#Information #Pickles #Internet

Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act.
-- Brian Posehn

#Favorites Things #Kind #My Favorite

I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.
-- Brian Posehn

#Weed #Smoking #House

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.
-- Brian Posehn

#School #Bully #Nerd

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.
-- Brian Posehn

#Sometimes #Terrible #Exposed

Whenever you see riot footage on TV - you know, someone throwing a brick in Pakistan or somebody throwing a fiery piece of pooh through a Starbucks window up in Seattle - you ever see anybody throwing anything underhand? I think it just takes all the aggression out of the act.
-- Brian Posehn

#Thinking #Pakistan #Pieces

We had our family tree done... turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.
-- Brian Posehn

#Family #Father #Gay

If I see a beautiful woman walking down the street, a pretty lady, I'll yell, 'Homo!' She can't get pissed, and I still get the pleasure of yelling at her.
-- Brian Posehn

#Beautiful #Yelling #Pleasure

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.
-- Brian Posehn

#Feelings #Outsiders #Metals

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.
-- Brian Posehn

#Fighting #Cities #Guy

My friends are trying to get me to go out on blind dates. Big 'NO' to that because all my friends are a bunch of lying geeks. They're always like, 'Brian, you're really gonna dig this girl. She's got Traci Lords' eyes, Michelle Pfeiffer's nose, Kim Basinger's lips.' Yeah, they always forget to tell me she's also got Charlie Brown's head.
-- Brian Posehn

#Girl #Lying #Eye

I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, Wow, that's awesome. You're going to make a great single mom.
-- Brian Posehn

#Mom #Baby #Wife

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.
-- Brian Posehn

#Pot #Smoke

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.
-- Brian Posehn

#Hate #People #Laughing

I love metal songs about metal. That's one of my favorite things. Nobody does that any more. Nobody sings about how metal they are, or about their fans, or about how crazy their pits are.
-- Brian Posehn

#Song #Crazy #Fans

I don't know if I was a poseur - I really did love metal, always - but I gave a lot of other things a chance. I wanted to meet, um, girls, so I would check out Depeche Mode. But mostly I wanted stuff with pentagrams and crowns of thorns on it.
-- Brian Posehn

#Girl #Crowns #Thorns

Guys don't do that when they go out. Guys don't wear outfits that feature the dong.
-- Brian Posehn

#Guy #Outfits #Features

When I'm late it matters, but when everybody else is late it doesn't matter... If that's the rule then just write it down and then I know, you know... I'll read it and I'll write it down on my balls. Right here. Right here on the back of my balls is where I'll write it. On the very back. I'll just lift them and write it nicely.
-- Brian Posehn

#Writing #Balls #Down And

Just got a new car - got a little Miata convertible. Pretty happy about it, except for one thing: I'm 6-foot-6, so now I look like a McDonald's toy.
-- Brian Posehn

#Mcdonalds #Feet #Car