Wilson Mizner famous quotes

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Inspirational #Success #Graduation

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Friendship #Cute Friendship #Giving

The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Anger #People #Mets

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Humble #Carpe Diem #Ego

The first hundred years are the hardest.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Birthday #Years #Firsts

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Laughter #Laughing #Judging

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Hero #Thinking #Years

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Sleep #Insomnia #Average

The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Wisdom #Differences #Bars

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Life #Death #Atheism

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Faith #Education #Doubt

I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.
-- Wilson Mizner

#People #Experience

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Drama #Criticism #Surprise

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Success #Wake Up #Gents

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Gambling #Way

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Inspirational #Hilarious #Education

A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Ambition #Men #People

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Squares #Guy #Miles

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Water #Tears #World

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Bed #Embarrassment #Born

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Skeletons #Restless #Closets

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Relationship #Positive #Success

There's nothing so comfortable as a small bankroll. A big one is always in danger.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Wealth #Danger #Bigs

It is criminal negligence to leave suckers lying around to tempt honest men.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Lying #Men #Atheism

Count 10 over him - he'll get up
-- Wilson Mizner

#Boxing

He's a trellis for varicose veins.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Sarcastic #Veins

What feeling is so nice as a child's hand in yours? So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Children #Nice #Hands

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Sarcastic #Rats #Study

Failure has gone to his head.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Sarcastic #Gone

He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Sarcastic #Men #Soup

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Wisdom #Giving #Advice

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Hate #Believe #Effort

Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you
-- Wilson Mizner

#Substance #World #Citizens

I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Mind #Trying #Modern Life

If you count all your assets you always show a profit.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Motivational #Thanksgiving #Thankful

Anybody who can write home for money can write for magazines.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Art #Home #Writing

Women can instantly see through each other, and it's surprising how little they observe that's pleasant.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Littles #Pleasant #Surprising

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Book #Introduction #Courtship

I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Want #Priests #Ministers

Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Doubt #Wonderful

It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.
-- Wilson Mizner

#People #Dinner

Florida was invented for Addison Mizner's little brother.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Brother #Florida #Little Brother

I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Saws #Towns #Deeds

Easy street is a blind alley.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Ease #Blind #Easy

The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Real #Giving #Bird

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Marriage #Husband #Sleep

The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Heart #Greed #Humans

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.
-- Wilson Mizner

#People #Half

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Clever #Battle #Talent

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Party #Wind #Popularity

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'
-- Wilson Mizner

#Lying #Sentences

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Lawyer #Fortune #Contact

The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Bird #Cuckoos #Clock

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Achievement #Desire #Done

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Hollywood #Ritz

A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Fool #Suspicion

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Love #Actors #Affair

Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Time #Hollywood #Made

God help those who do not help themselves.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Helping #God Help

All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
-- Wilson Mizner

#Anger #Long #Degrees