Jeff Lindsay famous quotes

I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Party #Talking #Ideas

No big deal. We all have blood in us, the trick is keeping it inside.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Blood #Bigs #Tricks

Anybody can be charming if they don't mind faking it, saying all the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don't have a conscience. I say them.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Stupid #People #Mind

Nothing in life is fair. Fair is a dirty word and I'll thank you not to use that language around me.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Dirty #Use #Language

Weren't we all crazy in our sleep? What was sleep, after all, but the process by which we dumped our insanity into a dark subconscious pit and came out on the other side ready to eat cereal instead of our neighbor's children?
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Children #Crazy #Sleep

Life's only obligation, afterall, was to be interesting.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Interesting #Obligation

I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Book #Instruction #Situation

But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint department, so we might as well accept things the way they happen, clean up the mess, and move on.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Moving #Might #Way

Mutilated corpses with a chance of afternoon showers. I got dressed and went to work.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Afternoon #Chance #Showers

We can't always do what we think we have to do. So when there's nothing else you can do, you wait... No matter what... pressure... you might feel.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Thinking #Waiting #Might

Money to me had always been merely something the sheep used to show each other how wonderful they were.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Sheep #Wonderful #Used

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Mean #Breakfast #Firsts

As I've said, freedom is really an illusion. Anytime we think we have a real choice, it just means we haven't seen the shotgun aimed at our navel.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Real #Mean #Thinking

Dying makes everyone weaker, subject to painful insight, and not always insight into any kind of special truth - it's just the approaching end that makes people want to believe they are seeing something in the line of a great revelation.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Believe #People #Special

First things first has always been my motto, mostly because it makes absolutely no sense - after all, if first things were second or third, they wouldn't be first things, would they? Still, cliches exist to comfort the feeble minded, not to provide any actual meaning.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Comfort #Firsts #Cliche

Have you noticed how difficult it is just to get along in the world? If you're no good at all in your job, people treat you badly and eventually you will be unemployed. And if you're a little better than competent, everyone expects miracles from you, every single time. Like most of life, it's a no-win situation. And if you dare to mention it, no matter how creatively you phrase your complaints, you are shunned as a whiner.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Jobs #Winning #People

The key to a happy life is to have accomplishments to be proud of and purpose to look forward to, and at the moment I had both. How wonderful it was to be me.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Happy Life #Keys #Accomplishment

And as always seems to happen when I have reached the point where I am ready to take decisive action, everything began to happen at once.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Action #Ready

I mean, really: what kind of person could possibly dislike me?
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Mean #Kind #Persons

It's always me, isn't it? I'm not really a very nice person, but for some reason it's always me that they come to with their problems.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Nice #Problem #Reason

...being torn apart by far too many loyalties that could not possibly live together in the same brain.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Loyalty #Brain #Together

It happens; incompetence is rewarded more often than not.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Incompetence

What to wear? I could think of no guidelines on what we were wearing this season to a party forced on you to celebrate an unwanted engagement that might turn into a violent confrontation with a vengeful maniac. Clearly brown shoes were out, but beyond that nothing really seemed de rigueur.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Party #Thinking #Shoes

Stop the nurse like the monkey.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Nurse #Monkeys

In my life long study of human beings, I have found that no matter how hard they try, they have found no way yet to prevent the arrival of Monday morning. And they do try, of course, but Monday always comes, and all the drones have to scuttle back to their dreary workday lives of meaningless toin and suffering.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Monday #Morning #Long

…a cheerful black shadow reared up behind him as he spoke, thundering a happy challenge to my Dark Passenger, which slid forward and bellowed back.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Dark #Challenges #Black

I think people understand things different when they get older. It’s not a question of getting soft, or seeing things in the gray areas instead of black and white. I really believe I’m just understanding things different. Better.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Believe #Black And White #Thinking

I looked around the store and what I saw was not very encouraging. There were rows and rows of violent toys...aisle after aisle of training devices for recreational slaughter. No wonder our world was such a mean and violent place...if we teach children that killing is fun, can we really be surprised if now and then someone is smart enough to learn?
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Fun #Children #Smart

you can’t use logic on human behavior.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Use #Logic #Behavior

I'm quite sure more people fake an awful lot of everyday human contact. I just fake all of it." --Dexter
-- Jeff Lindsay

#People #Fake #Everyday

She really did like me, the idiot.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Idiot

I was never more alive than when the Dark Passenger was driving.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Dark #Alive #Driving

Since I am not actually a real human being, my emotional responses are generally limited to what I have learned to fake.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Real #Emotional #Fake

And once again I found myself wondering, as I drifted off to stunned and unbelieving sleep:How do these terrible things always happen to me?
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Sleep #Wonder #Found

Now I know what it is like to feel like a total idiot.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Idiot #Feels

They like to tell us that it is important to speak the truth, but it has been my experience that real happiness lies in having people tell you what you want to believe, usually not the same thing at all, and if you have to stub your toe on the truth later, so be it.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Lying #Real #Believe

I thought about the nice clothes that I always wore. Well of course I did. I took pride in being the best dressed monster in Dade County.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Nice #Pride #Clothes

It was clear to me that it wouldn't matter what I did - they would never truly appreciate me or learn what I had to offer. They were far beyond fickle - they were insensible, like kittens,predatory little things, distracted by the first bit of string or shiny bauble that rolled across the floor, and nothing I could ever say or do could possibly make any kind of dent in their willful ignorance.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Ignorance #Appreciate #Littles

It's that moon again, slung so fat and low in the tropical night, calling out across a curdled sky and into the quivering ears of that dear old voice in the shadows, the Dark Passenger, nestled snug in the backseat of the Dodge K-car of Dexter's hypothetical soul. That rascal moon, that loudmouthed leering Lucifer, calling down across the empty sky to the dark hearts of the night monsters below, calling them away to their joyful playgrounds.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Heart #Dark #Moon

Really now: If you can't get me my newspaper on time, how can you expect me to refrain from killing people?
-- Jeff Lindsay

#People #Killing #Newspapers

And I was having too much fun to stop now.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Fun #Too Much #Too Much Fun

Killing makes me feel good.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Feel Good #Killing #Feels

I did not like this feeling of having feelings.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Feelings

The mind picks some very bad times to take a walk doesn't it?
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Mind #Bad Times #Walks

It really is better to be lucky than to be good.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Lucky #Be Good

A man can take only so much. Even a phony man like me.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Men #Phony

What a terrible thing life can be.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Terrible

I had killed our careful relationship by driving my tongue through its heart and pushing it off a cliff.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Heart #Tongue #Cliffs

In its own way the kiss had been an act of murder.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Kissing #Way #Murder

Was insanity really easier to accept than unconsciousness?
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Insanity #Accepting #Easier

Why bother inflicting enormous pain on yourself when sooner or later Life would certainly get around to doing it for you?
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Pain #Enormous #Bother

I am unlovable...I have tried to involve myself in other people, in relationships, and even - in my sillier moments - in love. But it doesn't work. Something in me is broken or missing and sooner or later the other person catches me Acting or one of Those Nights comes along.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Night #People #Broken

I had become a perfect fake human, saying the stupid and pointless things that humans say to each other all day long.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Stupid #Long #Perfect

It’s like, everything really is two ways, the way we all pretend it is and the way it really is
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Two #Way

And as we should all know by now, anytime you predict failure you have an excellent chance of being right.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Chance #Excellent #Should

It's terrible to have to depend on someone else.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Terrible

I waved to everybody. Some of them even waved back. They knew me, had seen me go by before, always cheerful, a big hello for everybody. He was such a nice man. Very friendly. I can’t believe he did those horrible things . . .
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Nice #Believe #Men

And so as much as I can, I care about her, dear Deborah. It's probably not love, but I would rather she were happy.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Care #I Care #Dear

It was such an unexpected and genuine smile that if I only had a soul I'm sure I would have felt quite guilty.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Soul #Unexpected #Guilty

Me, feeling. What a concept.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Feelings

But what could I do? Be stupid for a while? I wasn't sure I knew how, even after so many years of careful observation.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Stupid #Years #Observation

In that tremendous flash of freedom, on my way to do The Thing for the first time, sanctioned by Almighty Harry, I receded, faded back into the scenery of my own dark self, whole the other me crouched and growled. I would do It at last, do what I had been created to do. And I did.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Dark #Self #Way

Nothing else loves me, nor ever will. Not even - especially - me. I know what I am and that's not a thing to love.
-- Jeff Lindsay

I enjoyed watching good-looking idiots looking at each other. A great spectator sport.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Sports #Idiot #Looking Good

Or was he saying, "Hi! Wanna play?" And I did. Of course I did.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Play

I was good at being charming, one of my very few vanities.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Vanity #Charming

It was almost enough to make me feel emotion.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Emotion #Enough #Feels

I nodded with genuine synthetic sympathy.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Sympathy #Synthetic #Genuine

The whole point of wearing a disguise was to be seen wearing her.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Disguise

When faced with people who have very limited conversational skills and no apparent desire to cultivate any it's always easier to simply go along.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Skills #People #Desire

I think that's nice, and if I could have feelings at all I would have them for Deb.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Nice #Thinking #Feelings

It took me a moment. I blinked, and suddenly it swam into focus and I had to frown very hard to keep myself from giggling out loud like the schoolgirl Deb had accused me of being. Because he had arranged the arms and legs in letters, and the letters spelled out a single small word: BOO. The three torsos were carefully arranged below the BOO in a quarter-circle, making a cute little Halloween smile. What a scamp.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Cute #Halloween #Circles

been there done that, bought the t-shirt" Chapter 2
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Done #T Shirt #Shirts

Detective, I don't know where the boyfriend is, really," I said. And it was true, considering tide, current, and the habits of marine scavengers. -Dexter
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Marine #Detectives #Tides

Whatever made me the way I am left me hollow, empty inside, unable to feel. It doesn't seem like a big deal. I'm quite sure most people fake an awful lot of everyday human contact. I just fake it all. I fake it very well, and the feelings are never there.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#People #Fake #Feelings

I let it ring. I wanted to breathe for a few minutes, and I could think of nothing that couldn't wait. Besides, I had paid almost $50 for an answering machine. Let it earn its keep.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Thinking #Waiting #Machines

I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better than average at clever remarks, and I also have a flair for getting people to like me. But to be perfectly fair to myself, I am ever-ready to confess my shortcomings, too, and a quick round of soul-searching forced me to admit that I had never been any good at all at breathing water. As I hung there from the seat belt, dazed and watching the water pour in and swirl around my head, this began to seem like a very large character flaw.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Clever #Smart #Character

I rose to my knees, mouth dry and heart pounding, and paused to finger a rip in my beautiful Dacron bowling shirt. I pushed my fingertip through the hole and wiggled it at myself. Hello, Dexter, where are you going? Hello, Mr. Finger. I don't know, but I'm almost there. I hear my friends calling.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Beautiful #Rip #Heart

It was always hard work to push through a crowed of reporters with the scent of blood in their nostrils. You might not think so, since on camera they appear to be brain-damaged wimps with severe eating disorders. But put them at a police barricade and a miraculous thing happens...The strength comes from some mysterious place-and somehow, when there is gore on the ground, these anorexic creatures can push their way through anything. Without mussing their hair, too.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Hard Work #Thinking #Blood

And here I always thought morality was useless
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Useless #Morality

Another dream. Another long-distance call on my phantom party line. No wonder i had steadfastly refused to have dreams for most of my life. So stupid; such pointless, obvious symbols. Totally uncontrollable anxiety soup, hateful, blatant nonsense.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Dream #Distance #Stupid

I'm a very neat monster." ~Dexter Morgan
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Monsters #Dexter Morgan #Neat

After a long moment I closed the freezer door. I wanted to lie down and press my cheek against the cool linoleum. Instead I reached out with my little finger and flipped the Barbie's head. It went thack thack against the door. I flipped it again. Thack thack. Whee. I had a new hobby.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Lying #Doors #Long

Rectory always sounded to me like a place you would find a proctologist.
-- Jeff Lindsay

I stood up. It was all too much. I could not even meet my own expectations, and to be asked to deal with all theirs too was suffocating.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Expectations #Too Much #Stood Up

Feeling - what authentic human fun!
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Fun #Feelings #Humans

Because I am an inhuman monster, I tend to be logical,...
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Monsters #Logical #Inhuman

And then more quiet, silence so deep it almost drowned out the roar of the night music that pounded away in my secret self.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Night #Self #Silence

Getting yelled at by a furious woman should be a semi-formal occasion.
-- Jeff Lindsay

#Should #Formal #Furious