"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."

--

Steven Wright

#Funny Quotes #Hilarious Quotes #Witty Quotes

“You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him?”
“Where there is no love, pour love in, and you will draw love out.”
“In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story”
“There's always some promoter having an '80s night, saying, We'll supply the band. All you can drink.”
“We [US] can't compete with low-wage countries in different parts of the world. We cannot compete with countries that play games with currencies or regulations. We can't. We shouldn't.”

Source : Source: www.eriereader.com
“The mere fact that you get a lot of seeds in a packet doesn't mean you have to plant all of them.”

Source : Henry Mitchell (2003). “The Essential Earthman: Henry Mitchell on Gardening”, p.94, Indiana University Press
“We are not asked to do great things. We are asked to do all things with great care.”
“It was like walking into a treasure trove of books, hoarded by pirate librarians.”

You may also like:

Bill Hicks
Comedian
Bobcat Goldthwait
Actor
Demetri Martin
Comedian
Emo Philips
Entertainer
George Carlin
Comedian
Groucho Marx
Comedian
Johnny Carson
Host
Louis C. K.
Comedian
Mitch Hedberg
Comedian