"If you're a stand-up, you're more or less yourself."

--

Source : Source: www.avclub.com

Jon Glaser

“Microsoft is a big intellectual roach motel. All the big minds go in, and they don't come out.”
“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.”
“I'm afraid if I don't keep moving, they're going to catch me ... I am 81 years old and I want to see what's around the corner, and I don't see any reason in the world not to keep working. But I am starting to value my down time a great deal because I am realizing there might be other things to do that I am overlooking.”
“An artist who is too self-centered is liable to exhibit faults he abhors: carelessness, callousness, and even downright cruelty.”
“Adieu, Lord Dain,â€ she answered without turning her head. â€œHave a pleasant evening with your cows.â€ Cows? She was merely trying to provoke him, Dain told himself. The remark was a pathetic attempt at a setdown. To take offense was to admit heâ€™d felt the sting. He told himself to laugh and return to hisâ€¦ cows.”
“Live today, for tomorrow we die.”

Source : Alan Furst (2008). “Night Soldiers: A Novel”, p.105, Random House
“It is one of those simple but beautiful paradoxes of life: When a person feels that he is truly accepted by another, as he is, then he is freed to move from there and to begin to think about how he wants to change, how we wants to grow, how he can become different, how he might become more of what he is capable of being.”
“A waste is a nine-year-old boy playing catch with the roof of his garage who already understands that his existence makes for the perfect insult- gay. "You're so gay" a.k.a. stupid a.k.a. dumb a.k.a. wrong. Do you have any idea how gross it feels to hide inside the pile of lies it takes to make you, Sweet Angel, comfortable?”

You may also like:

Alex Karpovsky
Film director
Amy Schumer
Stand-up comedian
Eugene Mirman
Comedian
Janeane Garofalo
Comedian
Todd Barry
Stand-up comedian
Abbi Jacobson
Actress
Conan O'Brien
Talk show host
Nikki Glaser
Comedian
Brett Gelman
Actor