Peter Sagal famous quotes

Last updated: Sep 5, 2024

There's a common saying that everybody deep at heart loves their mother, except sometimes we decide our actual mothers don't measure up. And so we look for a replacement.
-- Peter Sagal

#Mother #Heart #Looks
The Olympic Charter says winter sports must be played on snow or ice, so the Chess Federation says they'll play with ice pieces. The Olympic charter also says sports must be sports.
-- Peter Sagal

#Sports #Winter #Ice
If you are using search data to decide what's fashionable, you are not fashionable.
-- Peter Sagal

#Data #Fashionable
If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.
-- Peter Sagal

#Cat #Taught #News
A wedding invitation is a gift subpoena.
-- Peter Sagal

#Wedding Invitation #Subpoenas #Invitations
We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.
-- Peter Sagal

#Fun #Believe #Exercise
The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.
-- Peter Sagal

#Funny #Travel #Horse
In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.
-- Peter Sagal

#Funny #Technology #Phones
NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.
-- Peter Sagal

#Funny #Science #Discovery
Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle. And the second-worst sound is a fork scratching a glass bottle. Evidently they did all their research at the Picnic for Morons.
-- Peter Sagal

#Funny #Cutting #Science

You may also like:

Amy Dickinson
Columnist
Bill Kurtis
Journalist
Bobcat Goldthwait
Actor
Charlie Pierce
Ira Glass
Radio personality
Jessi Klein
Stand-up comic
Maz Jobrani
Comedian
Mo Rocca
Journalist
Paula Poundstone
Comedian
Roy Blount, Jr.
Writer
Scott Simon
Journalist
Terry Gross
Radio host
Tom Bodett
Author
Alonzo Bodden
Comedian
Ari Shapiro
Journalist
Ophira Eisenberg
Comedian
Renee Montagne
Journalist
Steve Inskeep