Kinky Friedman famous quotes

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Running #Morning #Musician

I've achieved many of my dreams, and I want to see that some others get a chance to, especially younger Texans.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Dream #Want #Chance

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Friendship #Dog #Happy Anniversary

I'm not for the parties. I'm for Texas.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Party #Texas

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Animal #May #Path

My plan is to bring back like the Bracero Program (search) from 1944 that ran for 20 years where the Mexican government vets these people. I mean, they pay for it, and they get green cards, and they're actually legitimate. And then seal the border.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Mean #Government #Years

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Friday #Fun #Night

I believe that voices like Ross Perot (search), Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader should be heard. They don't have to be president. Give 'em a chance.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Believe #Voice #Giving

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Drinking #Iraq #Age

The reason educational spending in Texas is so low is because you don't have a state tax there, and that's why Texas is big growth because you don't tax people to death.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Educational #Texas #People

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Hair #Shows

The child-teacher relationship is crucial.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Teacher #Children

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979
-- Kinky Friedman

#Thinking #Fiction #Lines

Inspiration thing is important, to teach the kids that JFK is not an airport, RFK's not a stadium, Martin Luther King ain't a street
-- Kinky Friedman

#Kings #Inspiration #Kids

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Color #Different #Racist

This is called "spiritual lifting." It's not heavy lifting. The governor of Texas should not be confused with Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's a powerful position. The governor of Texas can't do any heavy lifting really. It's not that powerful a position.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Spiritual #Powerful #Confused

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Marriage #Believe #Gay

We're going to make that Lone Star shine again
-- Kinky Friedman

#Stars #Shining #Lone

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.
-- Kinky Friedman

#World #Whiskey

Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Heaven #Dallas #Hell

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Running #Dream #Morning

If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Hands #Trying #Arms

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get,
-- Kinky Friedman

#Fields

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Mean #Tick #Parasites

You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Marriage #Firsts #Persons

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Numbers #Texas #Execution

Young people are the key to this election.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Keys #People #Election

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!
-- Kinky Friedman

#Justice #Limits #Firsts

May the God of your choice bless you.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Choices #May #Bless

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Beauty #Philosophy #Eye

I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Cat #Pet #Emotion

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
-- Kinky Friedman

#Believe #Intelligent #Texas

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Jesus #Jobs #Home

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Important #Drs #Holmes

You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Swimming #Hell #Mainstream

If Raymond Chandler came from the South, his name would be Ace Atkins.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Names #Aces #Would Be

You've got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don't think any of us should ever forget that.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Thinking #Forget #Should

I'll sign anything except bad legislation.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Legislation

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.
-- Kinky Friedman

Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Cat #Accurate #Wells

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Country #Hippie #Rights

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Saint #Patron

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Remember #Possessive

We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Creative #Be Creative #Ballots

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Teacher #Tattooed

The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Important #Coins #Spirit

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!
-- Kinky Friedman

#War #Oklahoma

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Guy #Rooms #Prison

A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Childhood #Preparation #Worst

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Long #Choices #Doe

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'
-- Kinky Friedman

#Thanksgiving #Texas #Thank God

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Mirrors #Guy #Republican

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Long #Southern #Ems

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Demand #Firsts

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Running #Thinking #Musician

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.
-- Kinky Friedman

#People #Trying #Apologizing

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Winning #Race #Execution

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Financial #Life Is #Pleasure

They probably would've taken Jesus if he hadn't been nailed down.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Jesus #Taken #Politics

When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Numbers #Telephones #Firsts

Finding a cat--or having a cat find you--can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Cat #Divorce #Winning

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Care #Young #Medicare

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...
-- Kinky Friedman

#Hate #Bells #I Hate

Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Men #Infinite #Ability

These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Song #Book #People

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Drinking #Guinness

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Struggle #Demon #Conquer

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Inspirational #Humble #Cocky

I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Life #Falling In Love #Talking

I see an issue I like, and I support it.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Issues #Support

It wasn't a healthy attitude, but it wasn't really a healthy world.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Attitude #Health #Healthy

He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.
-- Kinky Friedman

#New York #Health #Shade

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Health #People #Hazards

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things. The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today. That's why they don't get linen.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Life #Caring #People

We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Life #Waiting #Bait

Remember, I'm not running against Rick Perry; I'm running against apathy.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Running #Apathy #Remember

You have to work at it if you want to be a good smoker. Especially today with all the non-smoking world constantly harassing you.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Smoking #World #Want

Sleep came slower than a frigid woman.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Sleep #Frigid

The art of writing fiction is to sail as dangerously close to the truth as possible without sinking the ship
-- Kinky Friedman

#Art #Writing #Fiction

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Scratches #Ass #Needed

Happiness is a moving target.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Moving #Target

Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Writing #Hot #Rejected

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Tests #Students #Mark

Wandering around back stage at a willie Nelson concert is a bit like being the parrot on the shoulder of the guy who's running the Ferris wheel. It's not the best seat in the house, but you see enough lights, action, people, and confusion to make you wonder if anybody knows what the hell's going on. If you're sitting out front, of course, it all rolls along as smoothly as a German train schedule, but as Willie, like any great magician, would be the first to point out, the real show is never in the center ring. As Willie always says, Fortunately, we're not in control.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Running #Real #Light

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Christian #Jesus #Heart

I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Prayer #School #Prayer In School

An editor's job is to take something great and make it good.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Jobs #Editors

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Beauty #Beautiful #Tired

On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Relationship #Cat #Use

If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.
-- Kinky Friedman

#Texan