Jenny Downham famous quotes

Help me, Mikey, she wanted to say. I’m afraid. More afraid than you’d ever believe.’ And he’d take her hand and they’d fly across the rooftops and up into space and sit on some planet and watch a double sunrise or maybe a star being born or some other event that no human had ever seen, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her. And she’d tell him everything.
-- Jenny Downham

#Stars #Believe #Hands

I wish I had a boyfriend. I wish he lived in the wardrobe on a coat hanger. Whenever I wanted, I could get him out and he'd look at me the way boys do in films, as if I'm beautiful.
-- Jenny Downham

#Beautiful #Boys #Wish

It was strange how words meant something when they came out of your mouth. Inside your head they were safe and silent, but once they were outside, people grabbed hold of them.
-- Jenny Downham

#People #Mouths #Safe

We make patterns, we share moments.
-- Jenny Downham

#Patterns #Moments #Share

I love you. I love you. I send this message through my fingers and into his, up his arm and into his heart. Hear me. I love you. And I'm sorry to leave you.
-- Jenny Downham

#Sad #Sorry #Love You

Humans are made from nuclear ash of dead stars
-- Jenny Downham

#Stars #Ashes #Nuclear

Statement: A girl and a boy jump into a river. The boy swims over to the girl and says, "God, it's cold." Question: What's the probability they will kiss?
-- Jenny Downham

#Girl #Kissing #Math

Do you want this to be a love story?
-- Jenny Downham

#Stories #Want #Love Story

That slow smile again. I love that smile! DId I think he was ugly just now? No, his face is transformed.
-- Jenny Downham

#Thinking #Ugly #Faces

There's a gang of boys on bikes blocking the road ahead. They've got their hoods up, cigarettes shielded. The sky's a really strange colour and there's hardly anyone else about. I slow right down. "What shall I do?" "Reverse," Zoey says. "They're not going to move." I wind down the window. "Oi!" I yell "Move your arses!" They turn languid, shift lazily to the edge of the road and grin as I blow kisses at them. Zoey looks stunned, "What's got into you?" "Nothing- I just haven't learned reversing yet.
-- Jenny Downham

#Block #Moving #Kissing

I'm here. Soon I won't be. Zoey's baby is here. Its pulse tick-ticking. Soon it won't be. And when Zoey comes out of that room, having signed on the dotted line, she'll be different. She'll understand what I already know- that death surrounds us all. And it tastes like metal between you teeth.
-- Jenny Downham

#Baby #Taste #Rooms

I lean back on the pillows and look at the corners of the room. When I was a kid, I always wanted to live on the ceiling - it looked so clean and uncluttered, like the top of a cake.
-- Jenny Downham

#Kids #Cake #Ceilings

She'd never in her whole life bunked school, smoked dope, or kissed a boy whose name she didn't know, and yet in the last few days, she'd done all these things.
-- Jenny Downham

#School #Boys #Dope

Was this love? Because it hurt. It was like a bit of glass stuck somewhere important--his heart or his head, and it was throbbing.
-- Jenny Downham

#Hurt #Heart #Glasses

Don't think you have to be good because you're the only one left. Be as bad as you like.
-- Jenny Downham

#Thinking #Be Good

How late is it? How long have we been sitting here? I look at my watch – three thirty and the day is almost ending. It’s October. All those kids recently returned to classrooms with new bags and pencil cases will be looking forward to half term already. How quickly it goes. Halloween soon, then firework night. Christmas. Spring. Easter. Then there’s my birthday in May. I’ll be seventeen. How long can I stave it off? I don’t know. All I know is that I have two choices – stay wrapped in blankets and get on with dying, or get the list back together and get on with living.
-- Jenny Downham

#Easter #Halloween #Spring

Every seven years our bodies change, every cell. Every seven years, we disappear.
-- Jenny Downham

#Cells #Years #Body

Should we say something?’ Cal asks. ‘Goodbye, bird?’ I suggest. He nods. ‘Goodbye, bird. Thank you for coming. And good luck.
-- Jenny Downham

#Goodbye #Good Luck #Bird

I don't want to go into a fridge at an undertaker's. I want you to keep me at home until the funeral. Please can someone sit with me in case I get lonely? I promise not to scare you.
-- Jenny Downham

#Lonely #Home #Funeral

I'm me and you're you, and all of them out there are them. And we're all so different and equally unimportant.
-- Jenny Downham

#Different #Unimportant

It's all right, Tessa, you can go. We love you. You can go now.' 'Why are you saying that?' 'She might need permission to die, Cal.' 'I don't want her to. She doesn't have my permission.
-- Jenny Downham

#Love You #Needs #Want

Maybe you should say goodbye, Cal.' 'No.' 'It might be important.' 'It might make her die.
-- Jenny Downham

#Goodbye #Important #Might

I like you," he said. He made it sound as if she was bound to disagree with him. She nodded. His face said he was telling her something very important. He said, "I mean it. Whatever happens, you have to believe that.
-- Jenny Downham

#I Like You #Believe #Mean

Sometimes if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen. If you miss someone so desperately that it wrecks your insides, you say their name over and over until you conjure then. It's called sympathetic magic and you just have to believe in it to make it work.
-- Jenny Downham

#Life #Missing Someone #Believe

Her skin tasted expensive.
-- Jenny Downham

#Skins

Don't pretend to care. I don't need you as an anesthetic.
-- Jenny Downham

#Needs #Care

Life is made up of a series of moments, each one a journey to the end.
-- Jenny Downham

#Journey #Life Is #Moments

Nurses never tell you what they know. They're hired for their cheeriness and the thickness of their hair. They need to look alive and healthy, to give the patients something to aim for.
-- Jenny Downham

#Hair #Nurse #Giving

As an actor I worked for seven years with a community theater company based in London. We used improvisation techniques to take stories to young people who wouldn't normally have access to them - in prisons, hospitals, young offender's units, youth clubs and housing estates.
-- Jenny Downham

#Years #People #Community

If I learnt anything at all about terminal illness in my research, it's that the experience is different for everyone. I do believe that life becomes concentrated when it's boundaried and that death is the biggest boundary of all.
-- Jenny Downham

#Believe #Different #Research

I mean it. Whatever happens, you have to believe that.
-- Jenny Downham

#Believe #Mean

It's a shame i can't be there myself - i like parties. Text me if you think of any good hymns!
-- Jenny Downham

#Party #Thinking #Hymns

Perhaps I'm dead. Perhaps this is all it will be. The living will carry on in their world – touching, walking. And I'll continue in this empty world, tapping soundlessly on the glass between us.
-- Jenny Downham

#Glasses #Touching #World

I don't think words reach people. Maybe nothing does
-- Jenny Downham

#Thinking #People #Doe

Every breath, every heartbeat, was one less until maybe things stopped hurting this much.
-- Jenny Downham

#Hurt #Heartbeat

It hurts and hurts to have him this close. I feel sick with it.
-- Jenny Downham

#Broken Heart #Hurt #Sick

Parents don't know their children at all. No one knows anyone, in fact.
-- Jenny Downham

#Children #Parent #Facts

I didn't understand that when you make love, you actually do MAKE love. Stir things. Affect each other. The breath that escapes from me is dazzled. He breathes it in with a gasp.
-- Jenny Downham

#Love You #Making Love #Breathe

When I first saw Ellie, I knew it was her-- she was my fantasy. I didn't want it to be true, but every time I met her it was obvious, and the funny thing was that she was better than the fantasy, like I got more stuff than I'd imagined.
-- Jenny Downham

#Funny Things #Stuff #Saws

The last few weeks, it was as if someone had taken his life to pieces and let him see the way it worked.
-- Jenny Downham

#Taken #Pieces #Way

I want you to be with me in the dark. To hold me. To keep loving me. To help me when I get scared. To come right to the edge and see what's there.
-- Jenny Downham

#Love #Dark #Want

I miss him as soon as he goes. When he isn't with me, I think I made him up.
-- Jenny Downham

#Thinking #Missing #Made

Maybe I’ll come back as somebody else. I’ll be the wild-haired girl Adam meets in his first week at university. ‘Hi, are you on the horticultural course as well?
-- Jenny Downham

#Girl #Firsts #Week

She needed food. Diets didn't count in a crisis.
-- Jenny Downham

#Crisis #Needed

You changed the rules of the universe when you fell in love with the enemy.
-- Jenny Downham

#Enemy #You Changed #Changed

If you want a girl to like you, you have to listen like a woman and love like a man.
-- Jenny Downham

#Girl #Men #And Love

I shrug him off. 'Can't you just go away?" There's a moment. It has a sound in it, as if something very small got broken.
-- Jenny Downham

#Broken #Going Away #Sound

Adam strokes my head, my face, he kisses my tears. We are blessed. Let them all go. The sound of a bird flying low across the garden. Then nothing. Nothing. A cloud passes. Nothing again. Light falls through the window, falls onto me, into me. Moments. All gathering towards this one.
-- Jenny Downham

#Blessed #Fall #Kissing

She'll understand what I already know - that death surrounds us all. And it tastes like metal between your teeth.
-- Jenny Downham

#Teeth #Taste #Metals

I can see inside planes!' he yells. 'Come and look!' It's difficult climbing in a mini dress...I haul myself up even though my arms ache. I want to see inside planes too. I want to watch the wind and catch birds in my fist.
-- Jenny Downham

#Climbing #Wind #Bird

Every few years we disappear, Zoey. All our cells are replaced by others. Not a single bit of me is the same as when I was last in this room.
-- Jenny Downham

#Cells #Years #Lasts

I said I wouldn't leave her.
-- Jenny Downham

#Said

Instructions for Adam Look after no one except yourself. Go to university and make lots of friends and get drunk. Forget your door keyes. Laugh. Eat pot-noodles for breakfast. Miss lectures. Be irresponsible.
-- Jenny Downham

#Doors #Laughing #Drunk

Dad, you played rounders with me, even though you hated it and wished I'd take up cricket. You learned how to keep a stamp collecion because I wanted to know. For hours you sat in hospitals and never, not once, complained. You brushed my hair like a mother should. You gave up work for me, friends for me, four years of your life for me. You never moaned. Hardly ever. You let me have Adam. You let me have my list. I was outrageous. Wanting, wanting so much. And you never said, 'That's enough. Stop now.
-- Jenny Downham

#Mother #Dad #Years

I love you. It hurts more than anything ever has, but I do. So don't you dare tell me I don't. Don't you ever say it again!
-- Jenny Downham

#Hurt #Love You #It Hurts

Bye, Tess. haunt me if you like. I don't mind.
-- Jenny Downham

#Bye #Mind #Tess

a little bird moves a mountain of sand one grain at a time it picks up one grain every million years and when the mountain has been moved the bird puts it all back again and that's how long eternity is and that's a very long time to be dead
-- Jenny Downham

#Moving #Years #Long

when I was four I almost fell down the shaft of a tin mine and when I was five the car rolled over on the motorway and when I was seven we went on holiday and the gas ring blew out in the caravan and nobody noticed I've been dying all my life
-- Jenny Downham

#Holiday #Car #Dying

I feel something very small growing inside me as I look at her, and I realize in one absolutely clear moment that I don't like her at all. 'You know what?' I say. 'Forget it. I'll do the list by myself.' She stands up, swings her stupid hair about and tries to look offended. It's a trick that works with guys, but it makes no difference to the way I feel about her.
-- Jenny Downham

#Stupid #Differences #Hair

There's a terrible stillness. I notice a small tear in the wallpaper above her shoulder. I notice finger marks grimed on the light switch. Somewhere down in the house, a door opens and shuts. As Zoey turns to face me, I realize that life is made up of a series of moments, each one a journey to the end.
-- Jenny Downham

#Journey #Doors #Light

The inside of the door is glossy white. A total re-paint. I touch it with my fingers, but it stays the same. It's so bright it makes the room waver at the edges. Every few years we disappear.
-- Jenny Downham

#Doors #Years #White

I made a fatal error thinking he could save me.
-- Jenny Downham

#Thinking #Errors #Made

Her face crashes. She hasn't dealt with a single transfusion or lumbar puncture. She wasn't allowed near me for the bone-marrow transplant, but she could have been there for any number of diagnoses, and wasn't. Even her promises to visit more often have faded away with Christmas. It's her turn to taste some reality.
-- Jenny Downham

#Reality #Numbers #Promise

The shops in High Street still have their metal grilles down, blank-eyed and sleeping. My name is scrawled across them all. I'm outside Ajay's newsagent's. I'm on the expensive shutters of the health food store. I'm massive on Handie's furniture shop, King's Chicken Joint and the Barbecue Cafe. I thread the pavement outside the bank and all the way to Mothercare. I've possessed the road and am a glistening circle at the roundabout.
-- Jenny Downham

#Kings #Sleep #Circles

And now he's down this for me. He's made me famous. He's put my name on the world.
-- Jenny Downham

#Names #World #Made

And in bed, deep inside the building, are all the headaches that won't go away. The failed kidneys, the rashes, the ragged-edged moles, the lumps on the breast, the coughs that have turned nasty. In the Marie Curie Ward on the fourth floor are the kids with cancer. Their bodies secretly and slowly being consumed. And then there's the mortuary, where the dead lie in refrigerated drawers with name tags on their feet.
-- Jenny Downham

#Cancer #Lying #Kids

I'm here, Tess. I'm right here, holding your hand. Adam's here, too, he's sitting on the other side of the bed. And Cal. Mum's on her way, she'll be just a minute. We all love you, Tessa. We're all right here with you.
-- Jenny Downham

#Love You #Hands #Way

I want the people I love to get up and speak about me, and even if you cry it'll be OK. I want you to say honest things.
-- Jenny Downham

#People #Want #Honest

Keep breathing. Just keep doing it. It's easy. In and out.
-- Jenny Downham

#Breathing #Breathe #Easy

The light is heart-breaking.
-- Jenny Downham

#Heart #Light #Heart Breaking

No, really. I free you.' I don't want to be free.
-- Jenny Downham

#Want

Cal says that humans are made from the nuclear ash of dead stars. He says that when I die, I'll return to dust, glitter,rain. If thats true, I want to be buried right here under this tree. Its roots will reach into the soft mess of my body and suck me dry. I'll be re-formed as apple blossom. I'll drift down in the spring like confetti and cling to my family's shoes. They'll carry me in their pockets to help them sleep. What dreams will they have then?
-- Jenny Downham

#Dream #Stars #Spring

Like a tree losing its leaves. I forget even the thing I was thinking.
-- Jenny Downham

#Thinking #Tree #Losing

Then she says, ‘I love you.’ Like three drops of blood falling onto snow.
-- Jenny Downham

#Fall #Love You #Blood

All I know is that I have two choices – stay wrapped in blankets and get on with dying, or get the list back together and get on with living.
-- Jenny Downham

#Two #Choices #Dying

It's really going to happen. I really won't ever go back to school. Not ever. I'll never be famous or leave anything worthwhile behind. I'll never go to college or have a job. I won't see my brother grow up. I won't travel, never earn money, never drive, never fall in love or leave home or get my own house. It's really, really true. A thought stabs up, growing from my toes and ripping through me, until it stifles everything else and becomes the only thing I'm thinking. It fills me up like a silent scream.
-- Jenny Downham

#Brother #Falling In Love #Jobs

But all that is warm will go cold. My ears will fall off and my eyes will melt. My mouth will be clamped shut. My lips will turn to glue. ...No taste or smell or touch or sound.Nothing to look at. Total emptiness for ever.
-- Jenny Downham

#Fall #Eye #Smell

Death straps me to the hospital bed, claws its way onto my chest and sits there.I didn't know it would hurt this much. I didn't know that everything good that's ever happened in my life would be emptied out by it.
-- Jenny Downham

#Hurt #Cancer #Bed

It's as if a child with a brush and too much enthusiasm has been set free with a tin of black paint inside me.
-- Jenny Downham

#Children #Black #Tin

I imagine horses in the engine, their manes flying, their breaths steaming, their nostrils flaring as they gallop.
-- Jenny Downham

#Horse #Flying #Imagine

Hold my hand. Don't let go.
-- Jenny Downham

#Letting Go #Hands

Moments. All gathering towards this one.
-- Jenny Downham

#Gathering #Moments

We make patterns, we share moments. Sometimes, I think I'm the only one to see it.
-- Jenny Downham

#Thinking #Patterns #Sometimes

. . . my bones they'll burn or bury. It'll be my death.
-- Jenny Downham

#Bones

I've always wanted to be a cat. Warm and domesticated when you want to be, wild when you don't.
-- Jenny Downham

#Life #Cat #Want

I want to die in my own way. It's my illness, my death, my choice. This is what saying yes means.
-- Jenny Downham

#Mean #Choices #Way

It's utterly beautiful not to know my own edges.
-- Jenny Downham

#Beautiful

Three points for the dead slowly prising open the lids of their coffins. They want to hunt the living. They can't stop. Their throats have turned to liquid and their fingers glint under the weak autumn sun.
-- Jenny Downham

#Autumn #Want #Sun

Are you afraid, Tessa?
-- Jenny Downham

Is this how it is for everyone?' she whispered. 'No.' 'How do you know?' 'I just do. I've never felt this with anyone before.' 'Serious?' 'Serious. That isn't a line.' 'Kiss me,' she said. He did. Everywhere.
-- Jenny Downham

#Kissing #Lines #Kiss Me