Graham Chapman famous quotes

We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!
-- Graham Chapman

#Lost #Ends

We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!
-- Graham Chapman

#Change #Knights #Zoom

You see, I don't belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.
-- Graham Chapman

#Animal #People #Silence

It's nice to see that look of alarm on the faces of the others.
-- Graham Chapman

#Nice #Alarms #Looks

Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.
-- Graham Chapman

#Kilimanjaro #Tricky #Climbs

Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
-- Graham Chapman

#Thinking #Long #Make You Think

I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am.
-- Graham Chapman

#Inspirational #Country #Fun

I fart in your general direction.
-- Graham Chapman

#Comedy #Fart

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?
-- Graham Chapman

#Mean #Nudge

Always look on the bright side of life.
-- Graham Chapman

#Looks #Sides #Belief In Self

I am known by many names, but you may call me...Tim.
-- Graham Chapman

#Names #May #Call Me

She turned me into a newt. ... But I got better...
-- Graham Chapman

#Newts

When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.
-- Graham Chapman

#Tails #Ugly #Danger

Camelot is a silly place.
-- Graham Chapman

#Silly #Camelot

Tis but a scratch!" "A scratch? Your arm's off!" "No it isn't." "Then what's that?" "Oh come on, pansy!
-- Graham Chapman

#Scratches #Arms #Pansies

Spam, spam, spam, spam... Spam, spam, spam, spam.
-- Graham Chapman

#Spam

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to the Pope! Um, I'll come in again...
-- Graham Chapman

#Two #Weapons #Surprise

An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition... A contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says." No, it's not...
-- Graham Chapman

#Argument #Contradiction #Connected

In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
-- Graham Chapman

#Special #Lasts #Warfare

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition...
-- Graham Chapman

#Peace #Spanish Inquisition

At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before ...
-- Graham Chapman

#Father #Night #Hammers

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
-- Graham Chapman

#Mother #Father #Animal

Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.
-- Graham Chapman

#Prayer #Lord #Flocks

A murderer is only an extroverted suicide.
-- Graham Chapman

#Suicide #Murderer

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
-- Graham Chapman

#Coconuts

Bring out... The Comfy Chair!!!!
-- Graham Chapman

#Chairs

This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
-- Graham Chapman

#Death #Rest In Peace #Gone

One, two, ... five!" "Three, my lord.
-- Graham Chapman

#Two #Three #Lord

There is no cannibalism in the British navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount.
-- Graham Chapman

#Mean #Navy #Cannibalism

I hope I will have achieved something lasting.
-- Graham Chapman

#Lasting

All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person.
-- Graham Chapman

#Attitude #Ideas #Sparks

Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it's more or less inevitable.
-- Graham Chapman

#People #Accepting #Inevitable

One thing for sure - a sheep is not a creature of the air.
-- Graham Chapman

#Sheep #Air #Creatures

We don't deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel it's justified.
-- Graham Chapman

#Justified #Feels

Health care does not worry me a great deal. I've been impressed by some wonderful old people.
-- Graham Chapman

#Worry #People #Doe

Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed - that's me, love.
-- Graham Chapman

#Bed #Breakfast #Interviews

You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.
-- Graham Chapman

#Country #People #Today

I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
-- Graham Chapman

#Mean #Emperor

Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.
-- Graham Chapman

#Normal #Medical #Phenomenon

My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white.
-- Graham Chapman

#Philosophy #Black And White #Color

When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life.
-- Graham Chapman

#Light #Giving #Looks

WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? and WHAT is your favorite color?
-- Graham Chapman

#Color #Names #Quests

McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time ...
-- Graham Chapman

#Sorry #Worry #Once Upon A Time

Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government
-- Graham Chapman

#Lying #Government #Ponds

Apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public health ... what have the Romans ever done for us? Brought peace!
-- Graham Chapman

#Wine #Order #Medicine

First you must find... another shrubbery! Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a two layer effect with a little path running down the middle. ("A path! A path!") Then, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forrest... with... a herring!
-- Graham Chapman

#Running #Cutting #Two

John Howard Davies was not a very human person... if you made a mistake of any kind, any sort of pause in speech, he would treat you rather as if he was a schoolmaster.
-- Graham Chapman

#Mistake #Speech #Kind