Nick Thune famous quotes

50 minutes ago

Wouldn't the world be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes?
-- Nick Thune

#People #World #Blind
You know whatâ€™s really good is a greyhound in the shower.
-- Nick Thune

#Greyhounds #Showers
The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating.
-- Nick Thune

#Roommate
In my senior year of high school, I was working at a dealership washing cars. For some reason, I asked them to give me a shot as a salesman for a shift. What happened was I sold two cars in one day and they offered me the position. After a while I decided I didn't want the job and so I told the manager I'd contracted HIV from having unprotected sex. It was only half true but I'd been feeling sick and somehow convinced myself I was really dying. I remember I sat in my boss' office, the both of us crying. Later than night he calls my dad and says 'I'm sorry your son has HIV.' It was terrible.
-- Nick Thune

#Senior #Sex #Jobs
I have a wife and anything. That's the arrangement we have. I have a wife, and she's cool. And also I have anything I want.
-- Nick Thune

#Wife #Want
People can write jokes five minutes after a major world event happens, and have hundreds of thousands of people read them within 10 minutes. Whereas before you write a joke, you don't know if anybody is really touching on it or not, and you tell it onstage the next night. For joke writing it has changed things.
-- Nick Thune

#Writing #Night #People
You know what’s really good is a greyhound in the shower.
-- Nick Thune

#Greyhounds #Showers #Knows
There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.
-- Nick Thune

#Thinking #People #Opinion
You need to update your blog a couple of times a week. You need to post a Twitter here and there. It feels so dumb to say that stuff, but it's important for me to keep that presence going.
-- Nick Thune

#Couple #Dumb #Important
I don't want to follow comedians because I don't want to see what they're thinking about, 'cause then maybe I won't stumble across a thought maybe I had about the same subject.
-- Nick Thune

#Thinking #Comedian #Want
People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter.
-- Nick Thune

#Writing #Character #People

You may also like:

Anthony Jeselnik
Comedian
Cam Gigandet
Actor
Chris Hardwick
Comedian
Demetri Martin
Comedian
Doug Benson
Comedian
Eugene Mirman
Comedian
Hannibal Buress
Comedian
Jen Kirkman
Comedian
John Mulaney
Actor
Justin Chatwin
Film actor
Kyle Kinane
Comedian
Marc Maron
Comedian
Moshe Kasher
Stand-up comedian
Natasha Leggero
Actress
Nick Kroll
Actor
Nick Swardson
Actor
Pete Holmes
Comedian
Todd Barry
Stand-up comedian
Wyatt Cenac
Stand-up comedian
Felipe Esparza
Comedian