"Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch."

-- Andy Kindler

#Roots Quotes #Bait Quotes #Watches Quotes

“I don't know anything about you, so when you randomly come up and grab my ass, this isn't a friend doing it. It's like, "Who the f### is doing...? I was not expecting that."”
“One can aim at honor both as one ought, and more than one ought, and less than one ought. He whose craving for honor is excessive is said to be ambitious, and he who is deficient in this respect unambitious; while he who observes the mean has no peculiar name.”
“It makes me sick when I see a guy just stare at a loose ball and watch it go out ofÂ bounds.”
“Every act of energy conservation... is more than just common sense: I tell you it is an act of patriotism.”
“I have a friend of mine who does me on his answering machine, and when I call him, I answer. It's pretty strange.”
“Magical, yes, but THE SNOW CHILD is also satisfyingly realistic in its depiction of 1920s homestead-era Alaska and the people who settled there, including an older couple bound together by resilient love. Eowyn Ivey's poignant debut novel grabbed me from the very first pages and made me wish we had more genre-defying Alaska novels like this one. Inspired by a fairy tale, it nonetheless contains more depth and truth than so many books set in this land of extremes.”
“Time Is Speeding Up In Relation To Corruption. Hold On Tight.”
“Everyone says Francois Mitterrand had huge charisma. But before he was president they used to call him badly dressed, old, archaic and say he knew nothing about the economy until the day he was elected. It's called universal suffrage. When you're elected, you become the person that embodies France.”

You may also like:

Chris Hardwick
Comedian
Dana Gould
Comedian
Eugene Mirman
Comedian
Greg Behrendt
Stand-up comedian
Jonathan Katz
Comedian
Marc Maron
Comedian
Maria Bamford
Comedian
Patton Oswalt
Comedian
Eddie Pepitone
Actor