Dylan Moran famous quotes

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'
-- Dylan Moran

#Encouragement #People #Phrases

Shame is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world, anyway, built into religion.
-- Dylan Moran

#Aphrodisiac #World #Shame

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.
-- Dylan Moran

#Funny #Thinking #Balance

Religion is the yeast of death cakes. It is the most awful agent on a vulnerable mind. It's the refuge of alienated and lonely people. It's what people had before television. It yokes people together into an imaginary world. It is just people talking to their imaginary friends, at length. I wouldn't mind, but some of the people are world leaders.
-- Dylan Moran

#Lonely #Talking #Cake

You’re not really an adult at all. You’re just a tall child holding a beer, having a conversation you don’t understand.
-- Dylan Moran

#Children #Beer #Adults

Everybody does that now. We all take pics... you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on it, even though you’re not really there when you’re taking the picture ‘cause you’re too busy recording it - so you retrospectively go to look back on where you weren’t and tell yourself you had a good time.
-- Dylan Moran

#Holiday #Causes #Doe

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
-- Dylan Moran

#Love #Money #Chocolate

When things are going well, I can't write fast enough to keep up with my mind. Writing walks, speech runs and talk flies. Other times, though, it's like fishing.
-- Dylan Moran

#Running #Writing #Fishing

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.
-- Dylan Moran

#Funny #Book #Writing

I dont watch a whole lot of stand up. Mainly I prefer to read writers; they make me laugh the most. Something gets you when youre alone and someones voice is coming through their work. Theres a different quality to it that stays with you a bit more.
-- Dylan Moran

#Voice #Laughing #Quality

I enjoy performing, always, but when you're taping a gig, you've got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that's surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won't be able to do anything.
-- Dylan Moran

#Self #Gigs #Able

If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room; you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything. I've written lots of material, but how do you memorise 90 minutes? That's one hell of a long speech. I've always had problems with that.
-- Dylan Moran

#Long #Speech #Rehearsal

I've been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I'm concerned, I am a writer - whether my writing's spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine.
-- Dylan Moran

#Teenager #Book #Writing

I'm really not big on nationalism, to be honest with you. I really don't think it gets people anywhere except near a pile of dead bodies. I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it.
-- Dylan Moran

#Thinking #People #Needs

I'm delighted to make as many people feel ashamed as possible. There's probably a site like that for everybody. I've heard Newt Gingrich has his own as well.
-- Dylan Moran

#People #Newts #Site

I wouldn't be in a huge hurry to go back to Kansas. It was just bizarre. There's a lot of very, very heavy set people who believe in whatever they were told, because they didn't seem to get out very much or be interested in leaving where they were. They just didn't seem that curious, and I find that a little hard to deal with.
-- Dylan Moran

#Believe #Kansas #People

I draw hundreds and hundreds of pictures of sort of gnarly looking men, so I don't know what that tells you. People who look like... they're waiting for a sandwich that's never going to come. I don't know what's wrong with me.
-- Dylan Moran

#Men #Gnarly #People

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
-- Dylan Moran

#Giving #Twists #Form

I get a phone call once every 18 months from some mad person who wants me to do something for less than no money and they give me about a week's notice. That's my film career, most of the time.
-- Dylan Moran

#Phones #Careers #Giving

I wanted to show off - a simple impulse or drive; in much the same way as some kids wanted to play football, I wanted to show off. Not complicated in that sense, very natural; it just depends on how you want to show off.
-- Dylan Moran

#Football #Kids #Simple

There's always a host of voices you're inspired by. I love Don DeLillo, and I love Isaac Bashevis Singer, and I love Beckett, and I love Pinter. He's one of the funniest voices in English literature since Dickens.
-- Dylan Moran

#Voice #Literature #Singers

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!
-- Dylan Moran

#Morning #Hate #Giving

In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me to do things in different ways.
-- Dylan Moran

#Different #Way #Creatures

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works, because in its own way, it's quite theatrical.
-- Dylan Moran

#Book #Thinking #Black

Nothing can make me feel better now, except cocaine.
-- Dylan Moran

#Feel Better #Cocaine #Feels

Love in all its forms is very difficult ... to express. It changes, obviously. If you’re young, and you’re romantically in love with somebody, and often if you’ve just met somebody, its crazy! It’s completely overwhelming. You can’t think of anything else. You just want to climb inside the other person and live under their pancreas. And then it mellows, somewhat... to the point where you can barely look at them... without feeling a mild distaste
-- Dylan Moran

#Change #Crazy #Thinking

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.
-- Dylan Moran

#Funny #Drug #Want

Its not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today… and there are other pressures.
-- Dylan Moran

#Funny #Men #Today

Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?
-- Dylan Moran

#Dream #Thinking #Imagine

[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.
-- Dylan Moran

#People #Desert #Bags

I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.
-- Dylan Moran

#Long #Lines #Quitter

Everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms. You can't help it. It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first think you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.
-- Dylan Moran

#Thinking #Coats #Rooms

I don't want to do panel games or adverts. I really like challenges. I always get roles as an art teacher or a photographer. In the future I want to play something like a mugger/assassin/pastry chef.
-- Dylan Moran

#Teacher #Art #Games

I did throw a lot of eggs into one basket, as you do in your teenage years - 'I am buying these records, I am wearing this'. I did quite a bit of that. You have to do it, wear your stupid shoes, wear your stupid hair.
-- Dylan Moran

#Teenage #Stupid #Hair

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
-- Dylan Moran

#Achieve #Realism #Surreal