"Usain Bolt won the gold for the men's 100- and 200-meter dashes for the second Olympics in a row. You know, he has been running since he was in elementary school - kind of like Mitt Romney."

-- Jay Leno

#Funny Quotes #Running Quotes #School Quotes

“Hey ladies, I'm willing to do my part to end domestic violence by posting a selfie online. Some might call me a hero”
“Look not to have your sepulchre built in after ages hy the same foolish hands which still ever destroy the living prophet. Small honour for you if they do build it; and may be they never will build it.”
“The magician seemed to promise that something torn to bits might be mended without a seam, that what had vanished might reappear, that a scattered handful of doves or dust might be reunited by a word, that a paper rose consumed by fire could be made to bloom from a pile of ash. But everyone knew that it was only an illusion. The true magic of this broken world lay in the ability of things it contained to vanish, to become so thoroughly lost, that they might never have existed in the first place.”
“To translate, one must have a style of his own, for the translation will have no rhythm or nuance, which come from the process of artistically thinking through and molding the sentences; they cannot be reconstituted by piecemeal imitation. The problem of translation is to retreat to a simpler tenor of one’s own style and creatively adjust this to one’s author.”
“What an insignificant life is this which I am now leading!”
“I think if I could have a boyfriend like my brothers I'd be really happy. But without the brother thing.”
“Dick Moss, my agent. Dick became my agent in 1979 when I signed my contract with the Houston Astros.”
“The dunyâ distracts and preoccupies the heart and body, but al-zuhd (asceticism, not giving importance to worldly things) gives rest to the heart and body. Verily, Allâh will ask us about the halâl things we enjoyed, so what about the harâm!”

You may also like:

David Letterman
Talk show host
Don Rickles
Comedian
Jerry Seinfeld
Comedian
Jimmy Fallon
Television host
Johnny Carson
Host
Jon Stewart
Satirist
Tim Allen
Comedian
Conan O'Brien
Talk show host
Mavis Leno
Philanthropist