"I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies."

-- Kristen Schaal

#Funny Quotes #Baby Quotes #Humor Quotes

“I am only able to be honest. And sometimes my view of the world is pretty dark. But still funny.”
“Don't you hate people who drink white wine? I mean, my dear, every alcoholic in town is getting falling-down drunk on white wine. They think they aren't drunks because they only drink wine. Never, never trust anyone who asks for white wine. It means they're phonies.”
“The liberal paradigm of regulation and license has led to a society where an 18-year-old girl has the right to public fornication in a pornographic movie -- but only if she is paid the minimum wage.”

Source : Wall Street Journal, September 11, 1975.
“I read part of it all the way through.”
“For hundreds of years people have talked about artists having inspiration, but often, some persons would say, write us a symphony or write us a song, on commission. The artists would come up with a masterpiece without waiting to have their muse inspire them.”
“You can end half your troubles immediately by no longer permitting people to tell you what you want.”
“Escape? There is one unwatched way: your eyes. O Beauty! Keep me good that secret gate.”
“Students learn best not by reading the Great Books in a closed room but by opening the doors and windows of experience.”

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