Michael R. Burch famous quotes

Life's saving graces are love, pleasure, laughter ... wisdom, it seems, is for the Hereafter.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Laughter #Political #Grace

Hell hath no fury like a frustrated fundamentalist whose God condemned him to "hell" for having "impure thoughts."
-- Michael R. Burch

#Political #Frustrated #Hell

I lived as best I could, and then I died. Be careful where you step: the grave is wide.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Political #Steps #Graves

I'll not! The gents are impressed with the way that I'm dressed. I wouldn't change even one spot.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Way #Spots #Gents

Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."
-- Michael R. Burch

#Long #Fans #Worship

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?
-- Michael R. Burch

#Christian #Mistake #Halos

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?
-- Michael R. Burch

#Taken #Principles #Depth

If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Soul #Levity #Wit

Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Believe #President #Trump

Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Sticks #Speak #Bigs

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!
-- Michael R. Burch

#Two #Hell #Affair

When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Judging #Opinion #Being Bullied

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Fall #Leafs

C'm'on lefties! Admit that Trump has been very tough on China. He has been especially tough on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his clothing lines.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Kids #Clothing Line #Chinese

What do we get when the Donald exposes his enormous ass? A trump roast.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Ass #Trump #Enormous

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Running #Comedian #President

Donald Trump just announced that if Republicans don't treat him fairly, he will resurrect the Whig party and run as its hair apparent.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Running #Party #Hair

Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since "trump" means "triumph." One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Crazy #Mean #Winning

Trump claims he'd be the "best jobs president that God ever created." But isn't his claim to fame firing people?
-- Michael R. Burch

#Jobs #Best Job #People

Donald Trump accused Huma Abedin of sharing state secrets with her husband. I think Trump clearly lacks a sense of Huma.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Husband #Thinking #Secret

Donald Trump just pledged to be loyal to the Green Party, the Communist Party and Party Central, as long as they agree to be nice to that thing on his head. If not, all bets are off.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Nice #Party #Long

Donald Trump has filed so many bankruptcies and busted so many companies that his children now have receding heir lines.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Children #Lines #Heirs

Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Wigs #Tough #Trump

Toupée or not toupée for professional government: that is the hair-raising question created by Donald Trump's candidacy.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Hair #Government #Trump

These are clearly the end times, and now we understand why the prophets warned us about the Trump of Doom.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Prophet #Ends #Trump

President Obama contends that charges he is "not really an American" have been trumped up by you-know-who.
-- Michael R. Burch

#President #President Obama #Knows

When Donald Trump becomes president, he'll fly on a jumbo jet rebadged Hair Force One. It will be oversized to contain his massive ego, and will have all the latest and greatest blowdryer technology.
-- Michael R. Burch

#Technology #Hair #Ego

Abbesses' recesses are not for excesses!
-- Michael R. Burch

#Excess #Recess