"I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS."

-- Jay Leno

#Tonight Quotes #Irs Quotes #Want Quotes

“Venezuelans are tired of 14 years of promises and no results. The only things growing are inflation, murder and crime. The good indicators - production, education and jobs - are all falling.”
“'Tis Liberty that crowns Britannia's isle, and makes her barren rocks and her bleak mountains smile... 'Tis Britain's care to watch o'er Europe's fate, and hold in balance each contending state, To threaten bold presumptuous kings with war, and answer her afflicted neighbours' prayer... Soon as her fleets appear their terrors cease.”
“MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.”
“If you eat a chicken wing or a chicken tender in some parts of the country, I probably supplied it.”
“Models are just mannequins seeking validation at the hands of sleazy fashion people.”
“There's no love more intense than the love we have for our kids-and where there is intense love, there is also intense fear lurking beneath the surface.”
“If you don't believe God has forgiven you, you are actually saying that God needs to do more for your forgiveness, and that Jesus' sacrifice was not enough.”
“The way that words fit together is always interesting to me. I love words.”

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