"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

-- Emo Philips

#Death Quotes #Sarcastic Quotes #Kids Quotes

“It's time to make our government work for all of us... and not just the 1%.”
“If you want to write, find your splinter. Find the thing that pierces you and won't let you go.”
“I intensely dislike the word 'critic,' because it puts you in an antagonistic position to artists. I've learned everything that I know about art from artists... I see myself as an advocate and an activist and a writer.”
“It's bad to wake up and see a large cat in mid-leap from the rough vicinity of the ceiling.”

Source : Usenet article "Gay and straight", groups.google.com. February 14, 2003.
“Race is not, and will not be an issue in this case.”
“Historic justice has been done by killing Saddam.”
“Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy.”
“No one writes better historical fiction than Steven Pressfield. The Afghan War that was waged by Alexander the Great 2000 years ago is eerily similar to the one that's being fought today. This book should be required reading for anyone who wants to better understand what American and Coalition forces are up against in one of history's most tribal and troubled regions.”

You may also like:

Bill Hicks
Comedian
Bobcat Goldthwait
Actor
Demetri Martin
Comedian
Henny Youngman
Comedian
Judy Tenuta
Entertainer
Mary Lynn Rajskub
Actress
Mitch Hedberg
Comedian
Steven Wright
Comedian
Woody Allen
Film producer