"I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes though I'm gonna be on for an hour."

-- Richard Pryor

#Funny Quotes #Laughing Quotes #Comedy Quotes

“Imagine a person, tall, lean and feline, high-shouldered, with a brow like Shakespeare and a face like Satan, a close-shaven skull, and long, magnetic eyes of the true cat-green. Invest him with all the cruel cunning of an entire Eastern race, accumulated in one giant intellect, with all the resources of science past and present, with all the resources, if you will, of a wealthy government--which, however, already has denied all knowledge of his existence. Imagine that awful being, and you have a mental picture of Dr. Fu-Manchu, the yellow peril incarnate in one man.”
“The world can doubtless never be well known by theory: practice is absolutely necessary; but surely it is of great use to a young man, before he sets out for that country, full of mazes, windings, and turnings, to have at least a general map of it, made by some experienced traveler.”
“Two things that can never be contained? Velociraptors and zombies.”

Source : Kresley Cole (2010). “Demon From the Dark”, p.164, Simon and Schuster
“I think that most small amounts of ***** have been decriminalized in some places, and should be. We really need a re-examination of our entire policy on imprisonment...Our imprisonment policies are counterproductive.”
“I love Kentucky people, but you have to get on the inside before they accept you.”

Source : Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.
“the habit of shutting doors behind us is invaluable to happiness; we must learn to shut life's doors to cut out the futile wind of past mistakes.”

Source : Marjorie Holmes (1995). “Marjorie Holmes: The Inspirational Writings: A Collection Consisting of Love and Laughter;...”, Bbs Publishing Corporation
“I definitely can feel the third or fourth feminist wave in the air, so maybe this is a good time to open that Pandoraâ€™s box a little bit and air it out.”
“The most important thing for any con artist is never to think like a mark. Marks think they can get something for nothing. Marks think they can get what they donâ€™t deserve and could never deserve. Marks are stupid and pathetic and sad. Marks think theyâ€™re going to go home one night and have the girl theyâ€™ve loved since they were a kid suddenly love them back. Marks forget that whenever somethingâ€™s too good to be true, thatâ€™s because itâ€™s a con.”

You may also like:

Bill Cosby
Comedian
Dave Chappelle
Comedian
Eddie Murphy
Stand-up comedian
Gene Wilder
Actor
George Carlin
Comedian
Gilda Radner
Comedian
Mel Brooks
Film director
Paul Mooney
Comedian
Redd Foxx
Comedian