"I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up."

-- Todd Barry

“Today I got so annoyed with myself that I lost my patience and walked away from a game that, with hindsight, I should have continued [on quitting a game early on against Hendry]”
“For 'X-Men' I was lifting a lot of weights. I actually lost a lot of mass when I quit 'X-Men' because I was working out so much and very muscular and strong.”
“Quotations are powerful tools. Michel de Montaigne, the father of all essayists, observed, 'I quote others only to better express myself.' Intrepid quotations detective Ralph Keyes helps us to discover the clear truth about exactly what was said and who exactly said it.”
“It was accountability that Nixon feared.”

Source : "Watergate: 25 Years Later". The Washington Post Interview, www.washingtonpost.com. June 17, 1997.
“Everything I do is just really my intuition, and every time I go against my intuition, it's a mistake. Even though I may sit down and analyze and intellectualize something on paper, if I go against my gut feeling, it's wrong.”
“O, beautiful rainbow; - all woven of light! There's not in thy tissue, one shadow of night; Heaven surely is open when thou dost appear, And, bending above thee, the angels draw near, And sing, - The rainbow! the rainbow! The smile of God is here.”

Source : "A complete dictionary of poetical quotations".
“I'm not promoting myself as the next great American driver, as some people are describing me. If that's what people want to call me, fine. But I've got more important things to focus on.”
“We have a new joke on the reservation: 'What is cultural deprivation?' Answer: 'Being an upper-middle class white kid living in a split-level suburban home with a color TV.'”

You may also like:

Dave Attell
Comedian
David Cross
Actor
Doug Benson
Comedian
Eugene Mirman
Comedian
Judah Friedlander
Actor
Louis C. K.
Comedian
Marc Maron
Comedian
Mitch Hedberg
Comedian
Sarah Silverman
Comedian